VIDEO | 01

[musclemothers]

[Welcome, imPorts, to a face a sight less pretty than the shounen heroes and superheroes you've grown accustomed to. Instead of a bright, youthful face, you get the dour face of a man who has comfortably hit middle age, skin pale, nose hooked, and brows furrowed behind those thick rimmed glasses of his.

He clears his throat. Once he speaks, his voice is predictably nasal, and not at all happy.] All right, so let me get this straight. They drag us in here to be super-heroes - [he uses airquotes for that, as you do] - and they don't even have a proper set of rules?! Look, I'm no stranger to the whole superhero-supervillain, blah blah blah game, but if you don't get held by a set of standards, there's no telling what will happen.

Oh, wait. There is telling what will happen, and I'd tell you, but instead I have a more immediate, pressing complaint. I am a superscientist. And according to this form, I'm supposed to be... a sex therapist? How the hell am I even supposed to begin with what's wrong with--

[Sorry, anyone who wanted to listen to Doc moan and groan any more than he already has, because a bright blue robot enters the frame, crowding Doc half off of his chair, beeping wildly and flailing his limbs, one of them knocking Doc's glasses off.]

Helper, no, Helper, down. You're not helping! No! You don't know anything about sex!

[Helper beeps very insistently. Doc stares at the screen.]

Well, apparently Helper's going to do my job for me. Come say hi if you want sex advice from a robot. [Helper thrusts his arms up in the air and lets out a high-pitched, ebullient series of beeps that could be accurately translated to yay!]

Oh, for the love of -- I wasn't being seriou--

[And the video cuts off there.]

Comments

[boobwindow]

[ She hopes he isn't thinking weapons. ]

Perhaps, but many don't support the war itself.

[musclemothers]

[HE IS ABSOLUTELY THINKING WEAPONS.]

Perhaps not, but whether or not they support it, the war may come to us anyway.

[boobwindow]

Don't sound too excited.

[ Gross!! ]

[musclemothers]

Who's sounding excited? It's not like I want to fight in some stupid war that should have ended decades ago. But I'm here anyway, so why spend time complaining about it? Unless you're planning on doing something with your complaints, like picketing, or whatever.

[Or whatever it is you bleeding heart liberals do!!!]

[boobwindow]

So profit off it is what you're saying?

[musclemothers]

Ms. Starr, you're so quick to judge! You assume that I immediately want to benefit? There's the whole mutually beneficial part of mutually beneficial, you know. If our people are to get hurt, shouldn't we be the ones there to help them recover?

[boobwindow]

[ JUDGES. ]

Lots of innocent people have already been caught in the crossfire. When people say "mutually beneficial" I've rarely seen them treat it as such.

[musclemothers]

Oh, so if I have ways to, say, heal our wounded soldiers better, I should just keep it to myself? So nice to know our priorities are the same.

[He smiles, but it's not a very nice look.]

And what is it that you do, Ms. Starr?

[boobwindow]

[ Hers is a flat look now, disinterested in him and anything else he has to say now. ]

R&D. Our focus is environmental.