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[ By now, Cullen has figured out the different settings on his phone. Not all of them, but the ones involved with making posts to the network. Thank the Maker for that, because trying to write messages on the bloody thing is a trial and sometimes he just doesn't have the patience for it.

He's sitting on the porch, mostly just his head and shoulders—the latter clad in a simple t-shirt—visible in the video. The bland side of his house makes up the background. Not visible is his mabari, sprawled out at his feet. ]

Pardon the intrusion—[ Using the phone is one thing. Network etiquette is still rather nebulous to him. ]—but I wondered if anyone might have some advice on where I might locate a proper job.

[ His relatively neutral expression dips into a disapproving frown. ]

My current duties are ridiculous and wholly unrelated to my talents. [ The frown smooths out. ] I was the general of a rather large army and have been a soldier for the majority of my life. As a child, I grew up on a small farm. I'm accustomed to being active and prefer it to more idle occupations.

[ He drums the fingers of his free hand against the arm of his chair. He has no idea the protocol for ending communications of this nature. ]

Thank you for your time.

[ Eh, that's good enough. ]

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[ Look. Dorian hadn't really experienced dogs until he came south. And when he did experience them, it was being attacked by packs of them. It's easy to not like them because of that! No one could blame him!!!

Whatever Dorian was going to say gets swallowed down at Cullen's small outburst. He drops his hand and looks to the little screen, already seeing Cullen's red face and the scandalized look on his face. He glances back to the dog once before turning to Cullen once again.

His tone is careful; ]

Fond of my what...?

[ Does he even want to know???? ]

[ Oh Maker, why is this happening right now? ]

It's, ah, that is—

[ Pup makes a few quiet barks and yaps. Cullen flushes a deeper red and shifts his attention away from Dorian. ]

I have done no such thing! And neither should you! That's terribly rude. I don't care if that's not how mabari do it, it's how humans do it and you're interacting with a human right now. Not a mabari.

[ Somewhat sheepishly, Cullen's gaze shifts slowly back to Dorian. ]

Pup ah, evidently has some personal space issues we're going to have to work on.

[ This is... puzzling, at best. Dorian's attention shifts between dog and master with a mix of curiousness and amusement touching his features. Not that he's ever taken the time to imagine what animals must be thinking, but it must be quite the feat to commune directly to the point of clear embarrassment. Because that's what this is; Dorian can tell the difference between Cullen's getting red in the face with barely restrained anger and this bout of being flustered.

It's interesting, too.

Even more so when he hears that whatever the current subject is is how humans do "it" and not mabari. A strange assortment of images floats through Dorian's mind and he can't quite settle on where he should go. He clears his throat and rests his elbow against his knee then leans his chin into the cup of his hand. ]

Oh, I'm afraid I'm going to have to hear this.

[ Maker take Pup anyway. He is in so much trouble. The image is rather tiny, and Cullen doesn't know how well dogs see, but he hopes he sees the stern, rebuking glare he sends him. Because Andraste help him, this is an awkward conversation.

Perhaps if he approaches it from a different angle...

Cullen clears his throat and then bravely sallies forth. ]

To mabari, it's customary to greet others by scenting the newcomer. Typically, ah, where the scent is strongest.

[ All of Cullen's upbringing rebels at this. This is not how one speaks to a member of the nobility. But Dorian is his friend more than he's a colleague or a magister. That counts for something. He can be less formal without reproach. ]

At the hindquarters.

[ Cullen looks a bit pained. This is where he's going to have to give up the valiant attempt to directly state that Pup's talking about sniffing his arse. He hurries ahead like maybe Dorian will forget what he's said if he just talks over himself. ]

That humans have no such method of greeting is strange to him. He doesn't know why we don't do the same.

[ No. No it's not likely Dorian will ever forget this conversation. For a split second—something so, so brief—his reaction flickers across his face that's one part stunned, one part offended and one part something else that even he can't put a word to. This is not anything he would have guessed. ( Or, perhaps he would have guessed at some point, were he to spend a lot of time thinking on what animals do that humans do not. )

For several moments he sits there quietly, silently, blankly and staring at middle ground. It's not often Dorian finds himself without something to say, and yet here they are. His jaw shifts, he clears his throat, his lips twitch at the corners and it's unclear if they mean to go up or down. Slowly, oh so slowly, he turns toward Pup who is still sitting beside him. ]

That isn't something one does in polite company, you wretched beast. Humans greet with their eyes, their bodies. We don't sniff one another—well, not usually, but that's entirely something different and certainly not there.

[ Dorian pauses as a thought strikes him, then drops his head into his hands and groans. ]

Andraste's flaming arse, I'm talking to a dog. [ He lifts his head and points at the screen. ] Teach him some manners, Cullen. This is unacceptable.

[ This is going to haunt his dreams. Which admittedly will at least be a step up from what typically haunts his dreams. But that's beside the point. This is still a disaster. See if he ever lets Pup visit Dorian unsupervised again.

Despite admonishment from both sides, Pup seems to be rather unfazed by the whole thing. He whines slightly when Dorian puts his head in his hands, then paws consolingly at him.

Cullen, meanwhile, isn't certain whether he wants to expire from mortification or just sink into the chair and disappear. Both options seem incredibly appealing. ]

There is no shame in conversing with those who can converse back. [ At least he can try to assuage some of Dorian's discontent. ] He simply requires translation, which is rather like what I would need should I travel to a country that speaks a language I cannot understand.

[ He dips his head. ]

Though yes, I will endeavor to teach him better manners.

[ It's not really a disaster. Dorian really isn't that offended over it. Honestly, he's more offended that he's talking to the dog like they're able to have a conversation. What is he turning into???

Dorian sighs and looks at Pup again, lifting his hand he gently pets his head. He could play at being mad, but there's really no point. ]

I suppose you've a point.

[ About the language, not the sniffing. He taps his finger underneath Pup's jaw, the amusement slipping back into his tone. ]

And, you, no more of that. Not everyone is as kind as me, you see.

I trust he's learned his lesson.

[ The tone and the significant look is enough, Cullen hopes, to convey to Pup how very Not Pleased he is by all of this. He has so few friends; being made to look like a fool in front of one of the best ones is not appreciated.

Then he sighs. ]

You know, Dorian, I was going to ask you for a few lessons myself. But I think I've probably done enough damage for one day.

[ There's almost no hesitation at all, and it's clear he's being a bit of a shit. Because it's Dorian. Cullen should expect this, really. ]

Lessons in what? I'm afraid I can't offer much advice on sniffing rear ends. Pup may be more suited in that regard.

Oh, for Andraste's sake.

[ He groans, shaking his head in irritation. Damn Pup anyway. ]

Never mind. I'll sort it out on my own. Feel free to send the beast back when you tire of him. His visitation privileges are being revoked.

[ Get a sense of humor, buddy!!! ]

Oh, come now, Cullen! It's quite all right to have a laugh from time to time. Tell me, what is it you seek aid for?

[ There is nothing funny about sniffing butts! ]

These healing powers I'm said to possess. [ It makes him a little uncomfortable, truth be told. He's not a mage. He shouldn't have these powers. ] I thought that perhaps you could help me learn to use them. You're a mage and I... I don't even know where to start.

[ Actually there's a lot funny about that... ]

Oh! [ He smiles, his features softening quickly and easily. ] Yes, of course! I'd be happy to help. Healing isn't my strongest point, but I am absolutely certain I can help. When would you like to begin?

[ Oh, thank the Maker. ]

Well I assure you, it isn't my strongest either. I've no idea what I'm doing or how to do it, but I would hate for such a skill to go unused. I'd like to start as soon as you're able, honestly.

[ Thank the Maker for butts? ]

I've quite a lot of free time here, Cullen. [ But don't tell anyone... ] We can begin today if you'd like.

[ For the subject change. ]

I would like that. [ He offers a half-smile. ] I can repay you with dinner afterward? If we're not too frustrated with each other, anyway.

[ Also butts. ]

Somehow I get the feeling you'll be an attentive student.

Well, I would prefer you not waste your time.

Yes, well, I'll certainly be the judge of if my time is wasted or not.

So you shall. I'll see you soon, yes?

Yes, of course. You know where to find me by now.

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