003.

[magnitudes]

critical question
the shit that will make or break civilisation





what's the defining musical act of the nineties:

spice girls, backstreet boys, tlc or savage garden



supply arguments as necessary

Comments

[magnitudes]

i am not

[doubleblind]

Do you want me to give her all the details? Mention the parrots?

[magnitudes]

you're bluffing

[doubleblind]

Am I?

[magnitudes]

I'm your favourite Australian sibling with a penchant for bad choices

You wouldn't

[doubleblind]

I'd do it because you're my favorite.

[magnitudes]

that seems counterintuitive

[doubleblind]

No, no, see, it's all part of my grand plan to expose your soft, gooey center and help you make new friends.

[magnitudes]

First of all, I'm not a lava cake, I'm a human being. My insides being on the outside is evisceration.

Secondly, I don't have a soft, gooey centre. I'm a stone masquerading as a cake.

And I don't need help making friends.

[doubleblind]

Do I need to remind you that you threatened Clara with a gun? You need my help.

[magnitudes]

You're missing the part where I thought she had abducted and possibly murdered you and Al. No, sure, fine, next time I'll just approach a suspect of foul play with cupcakes and witty banter.

Anyway, now Paddington and I are the very best of best friends. We have matching bracelets and braid each other's hair. It's magical.

[doubleblind]

I'm glad one of us is talking to her. She doing okay?

switching to private.

[magnitudes]

we're making shitty puns, it's not really a tops gauge of someone's emotional state
I may have exaggerated how well we've progressed

point is
maybe you should talk to her
or maybe I should talk to her?
and maybe we can drink wine through curly straws and teach Mendel sound effects, later

permaprivate

[doubleblind]

I know I need to talk to her, but I also need to give her space. You didn't see how mad she was, Sarissa.

Can we teach him the elements of the periodic table?

[magnitudes]

yeah, space I get it
this shit started because of not talking, but
and I am the last person to take relationship advice from
that said I've been on the side of things where someone was keeping secrets from me, and I was furious
but I still wanted Georgia around, and I still wanted her
there's space and there's just giving up, is what I'm saying
don't do the second thing
I mean don't fucking lie to her ever again, obviously

you know what, ignore me, I'm full of shit

Definitely. That's the sort of thing every parrot should know. Common sense.

[doubleblind]

I'm not giving up and yeah, no more lies. I owe her a long explanation and the biggest apology ever.

[magnitudes]

good

you both deserve to be happy

ever tell her I said that and I'll never talk to you again

[doubleblind]

But I have to tell her. No more secrets.

[magnitudes]

no more secrets except when it concerns my opinions

[doubleblind]

I'll see what Clara thinks about that.

[magnitudes]

hey
don't think that being adorable will save you from my narcissistic sulking

[doubleblind]

Awww, you think I'm adorable?

[magnitudes]

not as adorable as i am narcissistic
have you noticed how great i am, lately

[doubleblind]

Will you make me dinner if I say yes?

[magnitudes]

I'd make you dinner anyway
That's how amazing I am
What're you in the mood for?