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hello network
i'm looking for someone with magical matchmaking powers
it happens every year
someone makes other people fall in love/hate/bromance
so
get in touch with me
we'll make it better this time around
don't leave these things to fate
she's a jerk
valentines is cliche
sorry not sorry CM

hit me up

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[ Dorian.......is 100% sulking. ]

April, your husband's being an ass.

But it's such a hot ass.

Well yes, but that's not the point. Can you or your raccoons find out if he stashed my portrait anywhere in your house?

Please tell me you two made naked paintings of each other.

I'm talking about my titular portrait, April. My portrait.

Oh. That old thing. What's the problem with it having a new home?

You do know that it's the thing keeping me alive, right?

Look at your life, Dorian. It might be better away from you.

Look at your life, April. It's definitely better away from Will.

[ rhymes with schmannable schmecter ]

Mm. We're all untrustworthy. Should give it to a boyscout or something.

Or how about you give it back to me. There we go, easiest solution.

Can't you just throw wine in Will's face like an adult?

I've already tried and failed to convince him to hand it over. That's why I'm talking to you.

Try meaning...?

I asked him very nicely?

[ He whined. a lot. ]

We like cake. And wine. And interpretive dances.

Two out of three can happen by this evening.

[ who is not above bribery, DORIAN IS NOT ABOVE BRIBERY. ]

We'll have a dinner party. Plead your case before a jury of your furry peers.

What do raccoons eat? I need to know what to properly bribe them with as well.

Try the internet. I'm not going to bias the jerks.

I'll go with pizza. Pizza's always a good option.

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