001 - video

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

[ The video feed goes live to a view of a blank wall that would look very much like every living room wall in the Heropa government housing block, if not for the fact that it has recently been painted an eye-searing shade of fuchsia. There's the sound of a computer mouse being double-clicked, then an ominous, suspenseful song begins to play. The sound of maniacal laughter overwhelms the music, and the video feed jostles and then is panned up in an awkward selfie angle to reveal a middle-aged man with truly impressive eyebrows… dressed in a butterfly costume. ]

BOW DOWN FOR YOUR NEW LEADER, THE MMMMMIGHTY MMMMONARCH!

[ He laughs maniacally again, then stops to clear his throat. ]

Seriously, you had all better be bowing right now. For you are now under the control of the Monarch! This world's feeble, useless government has clearly teleported me here to rule you. Even if they did stick me with the world's stupidest cover gig. Seriously, who thought a fucking day job was necessary? I'm not even going to dignify that with my presence.

No! The Monarch is above such petty nonsense as a 9-to-5! The only job I will devote myself to is arching DOCTORRRRR VENTURRRRE.

[ He breaks into cackling again. ]

...But, uh. First I'm gonna need some henchmen. I mean, obviously. How the hell am I supposed to arch without henchmen? So I'm having an EVIL EMPLOYMENT FAIR in the, uh— [ He glances at a piece of paper. ] The gymnasium at Heropa Middle School. Seriously? What the fuck, they could've at least put me in the high school! Do these people even know who I am? I'm the fucking Monarch, not some… Eagle Scout master!

Whatever. You're all expected to come pledge your allegiance to your new lord and master and pick up your uniform. And if not enough suitable applicants show up, I'll… I'll… I'LL KIDNAP SOME!!

[ There's more evil laughter before the feed cuts out. ]

Comments

[slightlyoffchilt]

Who might you kidnap? Are you taking suggestions?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

I don't know. Anyone who looks like they'll make a good henchman!

Why, do you have suggestions?

permavid; private

[exceptfebruary]

[ Torn between "oh good, finally another supervillain" for once and "Killer Moth called, he wants his gimmick back", to be honest. ]

Happy World Animal Day. Did you arrive today?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

What the fuck is world animal day?

video

[abandon_hope]

[ Here's a dour kid with way too many skull patterns on his clothes. ]

... Are you a supervillain? A real one?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Obviously.

[ He squints at the video, eyeing the skulls. ]

So, uh, who are you henching for?

Video

[asoothingvoice]

[Another of these guys?

She shouldn't even encourage this by replying, but...

In a deadpan tone:]

You do realize you probably live with other people, right?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

So?

I didn't know I needed this, but I do (also, video)

[violentmotion]

[Ikki isn't entirely sure if he suddenly has an arch nemesis or a grand and slightly overripe ally. What he DOES know is that his time has come.

Backlit by a desk lamp and shirt flapping by the grace and dramatic touch of an oscillating fan fixed on him from below, IKKI'S SHADOW LOOMS OVER THE COMMUNICATOR SET ON THE FLOOR.

He leans over it, a dark grin spreading wide, and POINTS DOWN AT THE MONARCH WHO DARES CONTEST HIS ABSOLUTE RULE.]

YOU ARE TOO LATE, MONARCH! THESE FOUR CITIES ARE ALREADY BELOW THE MIGHTY HEEL OF A GOD AND MASTER!

ALL OF THE 13 YEAR OLD SIDEKICKS IN THE WORLD WONT SAVE YOU FROM THE BEAT DOWN THAT IS IN STORE FOR YOU.

my god. my body was not ready for this.

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

What the fuck? What is this! Who are you?

Video

[helladoomed]

[...Huh. Chloe is pretty sure she's seen this TV show. But anyway, after a second she takes the cigarette from her mouth, one eyebrow raised.]

So, what's it pay?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Minimum wage!



But, I mean. Performance-based raises. Henching is a meritocracy.

video;

[homerunning]

[Wow that certainly was....a broadcast. Junpei's currently at his desk right now, listening to this speech and...well, letting the guy get it out of his system. Because what else can you do when a grown man in a butterfly costume graces himself on the feed.

Oh boy. This guy needs help before things get ugly. He cups his hands to the feed to function as a makeshift megaphone (why are you doing that, you're indoors) and starts to speak both loudly and slowly.]


DUUUUDE. DUDE I THINK. YOU'RE A FEW WEEKS EARLY FOR HALLOWEEN.


THE THIRTY. FIRST. HALLOWEEN IS THE THIRTY. FIRST.


[He's evil, not deaf, Junpei.]

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

[ What the hell is this kid's deal? ]

I know when Halloween is! You'd think you people have never seen a costumed supervillain before!

video;

[wizzardly]

[...is... this some sort of performance piece? Should he be clapping? Rincewind looks for a moment like he's considering it, but ultimately lowers his hands.]

Right, okay, I think I followed most of that, but I'll admit you've left me behind on a few things. The "arching" bit, for one, I've no idea what that is. Leaves the whole thing a bit muddled, and in my own experience I find clarity to be very important when making threats.

Also - and really, I'm only trying to be constructive here - I might have formed some sort of group before threatening kidnapping and things. Not that you aren't intimidating on your own, mind, but I can't help but feel you've gotten ahead of yourself.

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

What? Can't you figure it out from context? Arching! The art of acting as someone's arch-enemy!

And no shit I need henchmen, that's the whole point of this!

video;

[amadaman]

...

... ...

... Is this a joke.

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Do I sound like I am joking?

Audio;

[iamtetsuo]

[He'd find this hilarious if it wasn't so damn loud. Some people have chronic psychic migraines here.]

Nobody cares, so shut up already! Like anyone's gonna be caught dead bowing to some asshole dressed like a bug!

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Oh, you will bow. It may take days, weeks, even months. But it is only inevitable that you lesser beings will all cower before the illustrious glory of THE MONARCH!!!

[darwinatrix]

What a pathetic self-aggrandizing display.

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Oh yeah, like I haven't heard that before.

[video]

[admemoriam]

[There's a kid in a vampire costume literally eating popcorn as he watches this shit show.]

Dude, keep going. This is the best thing that's happened here.

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

I am not here to entertain!

[ A beat. ]

But, ah. If you like what you see, you look like you're probably around henching age...

video

[canaria]

[Sara is laughing so hard that there are actual tears. Give her a minute.] This is the best entrance I've seen since I've been here, congrats. [She took approximately none of that speech seriously but damn, was it ridiculous - especially with the costume theme.]

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Hey! Do I show up at your place of business and laugh at your well-rehearsed speeches? No! No I do not! Because I have better things to be doing and I have a little thing called respect for the hard work of others!

[ He absolutely does not have that. ]

VIDEO.

[mantlepieces]

[ Oh. My. God.

Reggie spends perhaps five whole minutes losing his shit, in total hysterics and disbelief until he realizes, wait. Doesn't he live with a Dr. Venture? Oh my god... okay. Deep breath. Collect yourself, Mantle. He doesn't know how yet, but this has so much potential to be awesome. ]

You need to at least offer benefits.

1/2

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Of course there are benefits! You get the benefit of watching me destroy my arch-nemesis time and time again!!

[ Video ]

[dualismum]

Really?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

What, did I stutter? Yes really.

[Audio]

[cantwalkwithoutit]

Another world with costumed villainy. How charming.

[ ...A pause, as though reminded of something. ]

Did you say "Venture?"

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Yes! My nemesis, Doctor Rusty Venture!

[video]

[timecapture]

[Oh, great, another supervillain.]

Are you cereal?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Of course I'm se— Wait, did you just say cereal? Really?

video

[pandorasboombox]

I am looooving the look, son. That from the skin of a giant varkid or summthin?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

A what now?

[douchebag]

[ Well, that sure was something. ]

Might want to take it easy on the cocaine, pal.

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

What? I am completely sober right now. Why would you even assume that?

[video]

[protects_the_small]

[Is this serious? This can't be serious... This might be serious]

Did you learn that laugh on your own or do they teach it special?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

You think that can be taught? Ha! No, my evil laugh is 100% pure Monarch!

[ He bursts into cackling again. ]

[Video]

[sleight_of_hand]

[ Adachi stared at the screen for a long moment, taking in all the cheese for a long moment, before he let out an obnoxiously drawn out yawn, barely having the peace of mind to cover his mouth. He paused a moment afterward, blinking blearily at the screen, before he let out a started noise. ]

Oh, we were supposed to take that seriously? Sorry.

[ But seriously. Really!? Was this guy for real!? ]

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Oh, I'm sorry, was that somehow not clear to you?

video

[musclemothers]

The Porter could bring literally anyone it wants to through space and time, and it brings you? What the hell are the chances? It could have brought Brock.

[He wants his bodyguard back. :(]

By the way, if you try anything, I'm calling the cops. If the others haven't already, considering your scaaaaary threat of kidnapping a stranger.

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Of course it would bring me! Did you think there would be any universe you could flee to where your arch-nemesis could not follow and bring destruction down upon you?!

[ He strikes a very theatrical pose, holds it... ]

[video]

[devoutish]

[This is... he doesn't even know what this is, but it's definitely hilarious.]

Yeah.

And what are you gonna do when the police raid this employment fair that you've so helpfully warned them about?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

If the cops bother to show up, I'll show them that I've filed the appropriate paperwork to host a hiring event for a small business, and tell them that they can move along!

[punchline]

[punchline]

Ohhh, it's a pun!