video;

[ifhebeworthy]

[The screen of their communicators flickers to life with a fluorescent glow. Initially, there's only a hint of someone there-- thick red fabric, chain mail, a hammer.]

I had prayed to come to good tidings. Greet friends, and assuage fears. To bolster thy strength with mine own.

Instead, I come here haunted by past misgivings I thought requited, by a name all too familiar to me. If you know him as well, I would like to speak to him.

[It doesn't sound like a request. The image swings up high to a broad faced man with long blonde hair. A winged helmet. His eyebrows are drawn down across a brow rigid as though it were carved from stone.]

To my friend.

Comments

[helpline]

Well yeah they were pretenders. They were the Mire—big nasty fighty aliens, we humiliated them away from some Vikings by using eels, long story.

[ about 45 minutes worth of a long story. ]

Still, you'll forgive me for being a bit skeptical.

[ifhebeworthy]

[He loves fighty stories, Doctor. Usually while drinking. A lot.]

I should like to hear such a story, perchance. Yet I exist regardless-- perhaps in time you will believe.

[helpline]

I'm good at stories. I'll gladly tell you the details if you want.

[ifhebeworthy]

[He seems to settle in.]

Normally I would has't mead during a story, but I would be happy to listen.

[helpline]

We can has't that mead if you want. I don't mind waiting.

[ifhebeworthy]

[His eyes narrow as he gives this some serious thought. Then...]

Give me a moment.

[It doesn't take him long to find a bar. He sits down with a beer in the biggest glass they can manage to find. This is basically his popcorn.]

i am ready! Regale me with your valorous tale!

[He slams the mug down on the tabletop happily, foam spilling over the side.]

[helpline]

Well...it's not all that valorous. It's a little Seven Samurai. Though the Vikings were certainly trying to be valorous.

Clara and I landed in a Viking village. Moments afterwards, fake Odin showed up and took some of the warriors "to Valhalla." [ And he makes those air quotes. ] Anyway, we're left with the women and the children and the inept. Which really, wouldn't be all that bad, except Ashildr accidentally declared war on fake Odin. Turns out that fake Odin's part of the Mire. They're an alien race who focus mostly on war. They build up their reputation on being fearsome warriors...just after they steal away and kill the actual warriors of the race via dirty tricks.

Anyway, I'm left with Clara and a bunch of useless Vikings who are too stupid to actually leave. Training them to fight doesn't work in the slightest. And that's when I discover the eels. Eels in Scandanavia! Who cares how they got there, because they're useful. We use the eels to rig up an electromagnet, use the electromagnet to steal a helmet, use the visual link from the Mire helmet to hack into the other Mire helmets to make them think a dragon puppet was a real puppet. Clara took a video of the whole ordeal and we successfully shamed them off Earth.

[ifhebeworthy]

Clever...

[He takes a swig of his drink, and when he puts it down nearly half is gone. He wipes the foam away from his lips with the back of his hand.]

...Though I think you would find true Asgardians do not run.

[He finishes his massive drink with one more large swallow.]

Tis a good story, though. You should dress it more-- I have barely finished my first drink.

[helpline]

Then it's a good thing nobody in the story was a true Asgardian.

[ says the man who is 100% up for running as a solution. ]

See, the problem with my stories is that none of them involve actual gods. It's just WOTAN the computer or Garm the robot dog things or beings from pre-universe time called the Gods of Ragnarok.

[ifhebeworthy]

<span style="font-size: 13pt; font-family:vivaldi;>Stories are only as interesting as the person telling them, friend. You should not underestimate their value. Although, our stories and celebrations have been known to last for weeks on end, and so perhaps there is still truth to what you say.</span>

[helpline]

If that's the case then sorry. I'm not all that interesting.

[ oh that is a DAMN lie. ]

[ifhebeworthy]

For a man who defeated a warring race with eels and a puppet, I am as skeptical as you are of my divinity..

[helpline]

Skeptical of the boringness? You shouldn't be. Interesting people know they're interesting and they'll tell you up and down that they're interesting. I'm just an old man who's met some Vikings.

[ never mind the fact that the Viking story spun out like twenty other questions.... ]