video;

[wizzardly]

Right, so it's been brought to my attention that those bloody awful reports have been floating certain rumors around about me, and I'd rather just end those before they even get going all right?

[because even Rincewind's starved sense of self-respect has to draw the line at people thinking he fancies dishware.]

So, to be clear: I'm pansexual.

[which is an admittedly backwards linguistic for declaring one's lack of attraction to tea cups and related sundry, but there's just no accounting for etymological taste.]

There? [he arches a pointed brow.] Shall I assume that just about does it? All questions answered? Jolly good.

[honestly, the people in this place really will believe anything, won't they? Lucky that Snart fellow pointed this out when he did - things really could have gotten out of hand.]

Comments

[slightlyoffchilt]

Hears about what, precisely? Rincewind's misunderstanding?

[brushoff]

He did throw the party for you, after all. Eventually people will talk.

[slightlyoffchilt]

What people? People you know?

[Accusing Dorian of starting these rumors? MAYBE.]

[brushoff]

You're already a target for Majority Report gossip, why not them?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Am I to assume those are not one in the same? Quite frankly, Dorian, you do get around.

[brushoff]

Depends on the person! Some of the gossip blogs and I are acquainted but then you get to reputable sources and alas, I'm out.

[ if he makes fun of himself, then Chilton can't use that point! ]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Hmm. [And then, an idea. A dangerous one:] Why haven't you created your own tabloid publication? Given your contacts.

[brushoff]

[ Dorian can't help but wrinkle his nose at that. It's a good idea...but it's also work. ]

It's bad form to write about yourself. And, on rare occasions, I care about form.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh, but surely you would have staff writers? Ones whose paychecks you control?

[And therefore ensuring the best kind of propaganda.]

[brushoff]

Yes, but if the tabloid is owned and operated by Dorian Gray, then it'll still be a tad suspicious if they post stories about Dorian Gray. The last thing I need is people accusing me of doing this purely for self-advancement!

[ he would straight up do it purely for self-advancement. ]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Honestly, that is probably the least of what people think. Nevertheless -- in the grand scheme of things, it is better you lack that kind of power.

Ambassador Baelish might get jealous.

[brushoff]

He definitely would. After all, if the tabloid got successful, he'd lose his best bartender!

[ that is not what Chilton means and Dorian knows that. But that is what Dorian's purposefully publicly interpreting it as. ]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Are you not his only bartender? Petyr has a... Type.

[brushoff]

Of course I'm not the only bartender: he's got to have someone to work when I'm sick, after all.

[slightlyoffchilt]

When you're sick? Sick, you say.

I would sooner assume you're blowing off work.

[brushoff]

[ by sick, he means hungover so you're not ENTIRELY wrong..... ]

I am a dutiful employee that just so happens to have the misfortune of getting attacked by every nonsense this place calls up. [ huff huff pout pout! ] A cannibal ate my hand once, that was a fun phone call.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Well -- [Dorian did have a point.] Fair enough. You do tend to attract trouble, through no fault of your own I'm sure.

[The last breath was a little heavy on the sarcasm.]

[brushoff]

Now Fred, I'm not an idiot to deny that part of it is my fault. Like attracts like and bad company attracts bad company. [ because yeah, there is no way that Dorian can pretend to be a decent human being ] That doesn't change the fact, however, that some of my many myriad deaths were of no fault of my own and also rather silly.

[ looking at you, toiletgeddon. ]

[slightlyoffchilt]

You wouldn't give a karmic influence any credit, would you? I mean -- for all we know -- there is a fortune-favored imPort who might have been watching you from afar.

Because, quite like you said, some of your fatalities were... Out of the ordinary. Almost seems like plain bad luck.

[brushoff]

I don't believe in karma. [ said with a little shrug. ] Good deeds don't take away the bad deeds you did and vice versa. So why act nice in the hopes that something nice will happen to you?

[slightlyoffchilt]

I think most people fear the retribution, rather than favor the promised ease to come. Some might take comfort in deliberate acts of violence against oneself, rather than random acts of violence.

[Dorian has experience in both, in seemed.]

Ultimately -- it is all about control. And you know about control.

[brushoff]

Indeed I do, [ said with a dark little chuckle. ] It's something that I've come to value more than I expected.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh? Is this a recent perspective adopted?

[Like really, really recent?]

[brushoff]

[ bite him, Chilton ]

It's always been a thing! Just...with varying levels of success.

[slightlyoffchilt]

How fortunate that you see the light, regardless. Better to see the painting for what it is, rather than the brushstrokes.