004; text - MISFIRE

[hardcorduroy]

(it's a cool, brisk december morning as wendy sets up the cafe as per usual. and being wendy, who is a teenager, is naturally a little off at like 4 in the morning. and also able to tap into her extreme inner weirdness. so she decides to fire up a text at a good buddy of hers.)

hey when are you gonna ask him out also do you think pigeons have feelings bc i think they are soulless monsters i mean have you seen those dead beady eyes wtf

(she is fully expecting ulvida to kill her for this and it will have been a worthwhile death.)

Comments

text;

[rideme]

uh

why the fuck are you asking me that

also no pigeons are food not feelings

text;

[hardcorduroy]

(okay swearing was not on the list of possible answers which means...)

okay is this bull and also ew why would you eat pigeons

text;

[rideme]

yeah its me hi

also they eat em in orlais except they call them squab or some shit

text;

[ursawhiner]

I kind of already have a boyfriend???

And that's a no to the pigeon thing. They're closer to dinosaurs than anything else.

text;

[hardcorduroy]

(well at least it's easy to figure out who people are.)

yeah my bad, i forgot the comms are freaking out, this was supposed to go to someone else

dude does that mean a t rex looked like a giant chicken

[ursawhiner]

Who's asking who out

I mean I don't care! And yeah, the T Rex kind of looked like a giant chicken. Not exactly the same, though.

text;

[sasaeru]

Maybe even soulless things can have feelings, Wendy Corduroy.

[she's IGNORING THAT FIRST PART]

text;

[hardcorduroy]

highly doubt it i've met soulless things they do not have feelings

also answer my other question, it's embarrassing to watch you two

PRIVATING IMMEDIATELY;

[sasaeru]

Then don't watch. There is no when!

[driftsintobuffetline]

I'm thinking I'll ask him out AFTER I marry him

Also, be nice to pigeons. Ever seen The Birds?

[hardcorduroy]

because THAT makes perfect sense

no but i've seen "radioactive flying rats" and that was a trip

[performance]

Maybe underneath those dead beady eyes beats the heart of a lover.

[hardcorduroy]

that's implying they have hearts

which is a pretty big assumption

[performance]

What do you think they have instead?

text

[unfortunatechemistry]

...does this have to do with my head.

I don't actually talk to birds.

text

[hardcorduroy]

wait what you can talk to birds

also who are you

text

[unfortunatechemistry]

...you should ask my classmate Kouji but he's not here.

Tokoyami.

[glitterateur]

is someone asking someone out?!!??!

[hardcorduroy]

no bc they're dumb as bricks mabel

they come into the cafe and only ever talk about each other

it's like a bad romcom

[missleadingquestions]

p sure this isn't for me but I aaaabsolutely wanna know now (❛ัॢᵕ❛ั ॢ)

also aren't pigeons just gray doves???

[hardcorduroy]

oh man maya dude do you know how hard it is watching stupid in love teenagers not get it

also no they're not they're evil little things

[helladoomed]

[Chloe is enjoying these misfires way too much.]

i'll ask them out when I'm good and ready!

pigeons are just misunderstood little shitbirds.

[hardcorduroy]

hey dude more power to you just don't put it off and be painful to watch okay

and nah they're just literal little shitbirds

[starlinings]

[Well. Relationship gossip shouldn't be his business, so he'll move onto that second part.]

Even the smallest of hearts still beat, Wendy-san

[hardcorduroy]

you people keep assuming they have hearts

also do me a favor, ask vida out already so i don't have to watch you two painfully gush about each other like a married couple that isn't actually married