[Video]

[bloodshots]

[ Tabris squints at the camera, moving it back and forth until she's sure that she can be clearly seen. Strange magic, but she's getting used to it. ]

Okay, so. This one is for all of the nonhumans of us out there. Sorry, shems.

[ She's not sorry. ]

Alright, so, I don't know about you guys, but having a couple hundred prisoners who don't like imPorts made it profoundly clear that I have a big glowy sign over my head that says 'imPort'. Or, I guess the sign is on the side of my head, because. Pointy ears.

From what I can tell, this world only cranks out humans. Which--Andraste's flaming ass, it's weird. Why do they only have humans running around? Do you think they went and, like. Killed off everyone else? I wouldn't put it past them.

[ She pauses for a moment. ]

If I'm actually full of shit and there are some organically grown all natural nonhumans from this world, please direct me to them and I'll send them a gift basket in apology.

Comments

video

[dendarii]

Ah, you must be an elf. Welcome to this world.

[ Miles is a rather gaunt human, somewhat sunken-eyed but bright with energy. ]

I can point you to your fellow elven imPorts if you like. But alas, there seem to be no native nonhumans here. The same is true in my own world.

video.

[indocile]

I haven't run into any. People seem to find elves as novel here as they do at home. Well;

( a tilt of her tattooed hand-- )


A little more, a little less. There are lots of novelties here.

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[notsheepish]

Okay, don't quote me on this, because most of this part of the documentary flew over my head, but I'm pretty sure the last people in this world who weren't human as we know it died out or bred in about 50,000 years ago.

[video]

[bloodshots]

Yep. All natural alienage-raised elf, that's me. I wouldn't mind getting a list of some of the other elves wandering around. How many of us are there, anyway?

[ Pause. ]

No offense, [ Which means she's about to say something offensive. ] But what the fuck is wrong with your worlds?

[bloodshots]

I hope by 'novel' you don't mean 'only good for manual labor, on or off their backs' because I got done with that whole deal a long time ago and just started killing the shems that tried it.

[indocile]

( margaux looks blank. what are you talking about, tabris, and what the fuck is a shem. )

Is that what the word means? This isn't my language. I mean to say, unusual.

[bloodshots]

[ She mulls on this a bit. ]

...How does anyone know who was kicking around a million years ago? Like, did they leave inscribed stone tablets: 'These fucking humans are gonna kill us'.

[notsheepish]

I mean, maybe some drawings? I don't think writing even existed back then. It's mostly based on, like, bones and old tools and stuff they've dug up.

[bloodshots]

I don't know, humans are weird. That's how we usually get treated, anyway.

[ Give her a minute, the gears are cranking. ]

--You're not from Thedas, are you? Shit. My bad.

Are elves really unusual in your world?

[dendarii]

A few. Mahanon Levellan is here - you might look him up first, in fact. And Spock, though he's a different variety called a Vulcan.

[ He grins a bit at that; his own private joke. ]

And I really have no idea. We don't know any better.

[bloodshots]

Why would you dig up people's bones? But aside from grave robbing, I guess...that's not surprising? I don't know what my world would look like in a couple thousand years, but I feel comfortable giving a rough estimate of 'hot shit'.

[notsheepish]

They dig them up for... this, I guess? To find out who was kicking around a million years ago, before anybody could just write it down.

I don't know. Again, not really my area of expertise.

video;

[oceanthief]

There were only humans on the planet five thousand years ago, so they'd have had to get rid of anyone else before that.

[and, judging from Lapis' tone of voice, she highly doubts that any human would be capable of even trying something like that five thousand years ago. it was a pretty embarrassing state of affairs back for them back then, tech-wise.]

[bloodshots]

Humans rarely know better, it doesn't stop us from existing. Unless. The whole killing thing.

--Levellan? That Dalish that has humans thinkin' he's the next coming of Andraste? That Levellan?

[dendarii]

No murdering, I swear. We truly never had any.

[ He holds up his hands. ]

And yes? I think so? You've met, then.

[bloodshots]

Someone else told me there were other people around a while before that, but...I don't know how they'd pull it off. They don't even have blood magic here, and that's how humans attempted it in my world a couple thousand years ago.

[bloodshots]

We haven't met, actually. He got his current gig because I disappeared, and then he tracked me down and sent me a letter asking if I knew what was up with this evil fucker that was killing off all the people under my command. Which figures, honestly, you pull one vanishing act and the whole world goes to shit.

[ She pauses in her indignant rambling. ]

But. The point is: I know him, I'll see if I can look him up. Thanks.

[bloodshots]

Hmm. Well, thank you for the information anyway. It looks like I don't have to send them a gift basket, at least.

[dendarii]

... Goodness. I had no idea you had such history together.

video

[byblow]

The televisions say there are elves at the North Pole.

[ He's not actually this stupid. Not now, anyway. He asked someone if there were really elves at the North Pole already. But the No Shems Allowed sign on this post means that he definitely has to say something. ]

And in trees, making cookies.

[bloodshots]

Mostly, he just steals my friends for advisors.

[bloodshots]

I said this was no humans allowed so I'm just gonna assume you've actually been Thedas' tallest dwarf this whole time.

[ Beat. ]

The cookies are good, though.

video

[monge]

You haven't seen any of the animals yet, zura...?

[Those are pretty natural and nonhuman, right? ...right?]

That's too bad, I hope you can find someone to take you to a zoo someday, zura.

[notsheepish]

Sure. I know it can be jarring to suddenly end up in a world like this one.

[byblow]

It would be nice to finally be the most-something something. Keep telling that story. Maybe someone will believe it.

[ She's the one who decided they were friends. Now she has to deal with it. ]

They are good. And elves being asked to work all year so human children get some toys isn't the least realistic thing I've heard since I got here.