O4 👶 ANON TEXT;

[pillz]

(cw murder, survivor's guilt, brainwashing?, jokes at the expense of trauma survivors, etc.)

good morning assholes

[(it's 3:00pm est.)]

u all remember the blackout shit mid jan 2017. count dooku rounded up 1direction to look @ the prison breakout using our magical superpowers. this is what we found.

short: electronics went out. nobody got any idea why but pi adachi believes its strictly tech. b4 they knew it, prisoners got loose & it was a fuckin massacre inside the compound walls

guards: some of them wuz evil. obv an inside job. these fucks maybe straight up disappeared pre riot? the ones who r left remember hearing a coupla them speaking german b4 they fucked off. then some of the guards wuz good. lots of the ones who didn't split got teh shit murdered out of them in gross ways. belt strangles, shivs in scandalous places. u should send the families fruit baskets. somethign classy. no melon. the survivors r pretty traumatized & sad about their friends. do not add melon to injury.

prisoners: got their hands on weapons hid all over the place. bathrooms, buttholes, walls, u know. seems likely some extra shit got snuck in or turned a blind eye to. the rioters were in weird shape psychologically. pissed @ the law & imports, but in a way that wuz ramping up kind of maybe unnatural while they were behind bars. dr. chilton needs 2 get them some ketamine therapy. make buttsex not riots.

other weird shit: 1 russian nullifier device found on scene. govt took it. it was totqlly broken anyway.

govt: wont give us surveillance tapes or let us go past the tape & there was tape fucking everywhere

Comments

cw sexual vulgarity

[pillz]

man
can you just take it like a compliment
idk
picture us all in sailor costumes w our penises pointed in one directoin
under ur direction

[dun_moch]

[It's a good thing this isn't video so no one can see Dooku wincing.]

I think not. Let us dispense with this foolishness, now. These are serious matters we are discussing, after all.

[pillz]

i fel like the verb > dispense wit when it comes to > ending shit doesnt make sense
right?
i mena
like u have pez dispensers
which mean u give pez to everyone
do you see where im going wit this

[dun_moch]

[Dooku, who has never heard of a 'pez' dispenser in his life and doesn't particularly want to, takes a moment to pinch the bridge of his nose before typing his response.]

To dispense with something is to cast it aside. For example, the next time I have need of sharing important information with the Network, I may 'dispense' with delegating the task and simply do it myself. It would spare me this nonsense.

[pillz]

can u tr to throw > pineapple in wjen u do
gotta make me some money

[dun_moch]

I think not.

There are easier ways to make money, as I'm sure you are well aware.

[pillz]

easier tahn saying 1 fuckin word? come on man
not even u believe taht
youre letting ur pride getin the way of reason

[dun_moch]

My pride is worth far more than $150, I assure you.

[pillz]

that aint fuckin logical
$300?
its just a fruit man

[dun_moch]

[Nonsense Dooku is one of the only rational beings in a cosmos stuffed with chaos and stupidity.]

And how much would you be willing to sell your own pride for, I wonder?

cw sexual vulgarity

[pillz]

i would probabyl do it 4 a blowjob from the right boy

[not even he knows whether or not this is a lie.]

[dun_moch]

I would suggest that you raise your standards, but I sense it would be a pointless gesture.

[pillz]

what
i said > the right boy

[very good grasp of rigorous standards here.]

[dun_moch]

You could demand anything. Knowledge, authority, recognition. Why settle for such an act?

[He will not type the word 'blowjob.' He will not.]

[pillz]

[because his little black soul is hungry for love, count dooku! and sex is a reasonable facsimile.

man. what is this guy even.]

u really dunno?
u fuckin serious

[dun_moch]

[Meanwhile Mister 80-year-old-virgin over here just doesn't get it and doesn't particularly want to.]

Is a fleeting moment of pleasure really worth so much to you?

[pillz]

to be fair the pleasure is realy fuckin intense

[wait

80-year-old

what

wait]

right? i mean

[there's no way.]

[dun_moch]

I wouldn't know.

[What is embarrassment.]

But come: we have gotten off topic. We should be focusing on using this information to identify the enemy behind this attack.

1/4

[pillz]

oh my god did they cut it off in outer-space when u were a smalelr space boy

2/4

[pillz]

mayb it wuz radiation i know space is full of radiaton
the itnernet says radiation can kill ur junk man
wait mayb the nanites would fix that

3/4

[pillz]

do u get morning wood???/

4/4

[pillz]

the enemy is ur hymen

[dun_moch]

I must say, you seem rather unusually interested in my personal life. Should I be flattered by this attention?

[pillz]

yes
i recmend blushing

[dun_moch]

Thank you, but I think I am a little old for you. Don't you agree?