MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY [video]

[jacksonian]

[ The kid on the video is, like, a parody of capitalism - short, rotund, jowly, with slicked-back hair and a mercenary gleam in his eye. He shoots everyone a smile that's clearly trying for confident and reassuring but which just comes out as scuzzy. ]

Good day.

[ He steeples his fingers, revealing the gleam of his silver cufflinks with their brown mahogany inlays. ]

My name is Mark Vorkosigan, CEO of PKE, LLC, a full-service investment firm. Some of you received financial compensation for your heroic actions during the black-out - congratulations. And thank you for your service. You may well be wondering, now, what to do with that money. Well. I have an easy solution for you.

Invest with PKE. As all of my investors can tell you, I guarantee a return on your investment that far exceeds what any other investment firm can offer. I can assure you that with my assistance, you'll become rich. Which, I am assured, is in its own way a blow against our Soviet enemies, because they despise material wealth.

[ Or something. Anyway. He flashes another oily smile, and then Mark out. ]

Comments

[driftsintobuffetline]

[Laughing at you. You are too much, Mark.]

Do you have anyone that can offer testimonials or reviews for your service?

[jacksonian]

[ Why are you laughing. ]

Yes. Past clients.

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[helpline]

Why would you want money when you could ask for concert tickets?

[ it is truly a wonder how the Doctor's watch shop remains in business some times. ]

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[jacksonian]

[ Uh. ]

Because you can use money to...buy concert tickets.

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[bindsthedead]

I suppose I'm available if you need a testimonial.

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[jacksonian]

Uh. Oh.

[ A little awkward - ]

That's appreciated. I might need that.

voice.

[compensates]

May I inquire as to what your "investment firm" does with the gold it is given?

voice.

[jacksonian]

But of course.

[ Finally, someone who asks sensible questions. Mark sits back. ]

I have a few different funds. One is my high-risk hedge fund - this is the fund that reaps the most reward. I identify prime investment opportunities, new businesses, businesses on the cusp of explosive growth, and lend them the money directly so that they can profit. For those with a bit less of a stomach for risk, there's also a more standard investment fund, where I channel the money into businesses with more proven track records. I have a good instinct for it. I don't lose anyone money.

voice;

[whathawksdo]

Mark...

[ Look, someone has to say it. ]

You know, your sales pitch is great and all, but when you smile, you may want to go for something that screams a little less, oh, "I may or may not laugh maniacally at any moment".

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[jacksonian]

[ Oh. His smug smile falls into a frown. The frown, at least, looks a little less fakey. ]

That's - What's wrong with it?

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[sassguard]

[ what to even make of that sales pitch ]

Is there a minimum investment?

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[jacksonian]

[ A confident nod. ]

A thousand dollars. Interested?

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[nextlevel]

[ Yuuri frowns lightly at the screen. Not at Mark, no. He's just thinking. ]

I don't have anything to invest. Actually, I'm sort of looking for people to invest in me.

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[jacksonian]

[ That's scarcely of less interest to Mark. ]

Invest in you? Are you running a business?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Some might accuse you of a few nasty things, Mark.

[jacksonian]

[ Uh - ]

What? Why? What things?

voice;

[wizzardly]

Oh, I've meant to as about that. Is my investment doing all right?

voice;

[jacksonian]

Oh. Uh...yeah. Let me check -

[ A little bit of typing - ]

It's seen five hundred and twenty two percent growth.

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[baetiful]

An excellent promise, my friend. I do know of a few Maurtia Falls businesses that are interested in investing with you. One is my very own Camelot-To Casino. I assist in managing there.

[ He will own it soon enough, though! It's just a matter of convincing he actual owner to sell it to him. Or...cheating him out of it. ]

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[jacksonian]

A casino. That's a new type of business for you, Lord Baelish, is it not?

[fourlevels]

[ Oh wow, it's a good thing Miles had warned Viktor ahead of time when he said he and his brother looked alike, but he didn't say just how much. If Viktor hadn't been paying attention, he might have slipped and called Mark by his brother's name.

So he replies with that knowledge at least, hoping to make a good impression. He puts on his best Gold Medal-Winning smile and expensive coach clothes and does nothing to hide his Russian accent. ]

Ah, your timing is impeccable, Mr. Vorkosigan. I was going to contact you later today for a business proposition.

[jacksonian]

[ That much charm directed at him from someone he's never met before, and doesn't know, instinctively makes him nervous. And so he frowns, and corrects, because nervousness always makes him a bit hostile: ]

Lord Mark is the proper form of address, actually. What proposition?

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[trouvaille]

You need a PR person.

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[jacksonian]

[ Ugh dammit. ]

This pitch is fine. You're convinced I can make you money, right?

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[dendarii]

Yes, actually. That would be an excellent idea. I was just wondering what to do with mine.

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[jacksonian]

How much did you get? The full three thousand?

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[itistolaugh]

Oh. Mmmm. Investment, huh? Yeah, that would have been a good idea. Oh well, live and learn!