008. video.

[magnitudes]

G'day g'day, this is Sarissa Theron, local hero and devastatingly good looking rural.

( She seems in a better mood than last time she posted, and better form - and sure, she is, but it's also Sarissa trying very very ahrd to be Okay, and definitely not actually being Okay. Still, there's a healthy flush to her cheeks, and unlike last time she's got a smear of mud on her cheek and is looking like she's been working outside. Wherever she is, she's definitely in a field, and there's a shed nearby. )

I know, two posts from me, in one month? Overkill, definitely. But this is so important. Or, should I say,

( and she grins, brightly, before turning the camera... ) sow important?

( Yes, viewers. In-frame is a very large sow, pink with black patches. Around her are nine little piglets, varied from all pink to speckled to covered in patches, and one that is totally black. )

I just rescued these guys from a bit of a situation. Got them a special shed and I just finished the fences on the fields a couple days ago, so good timing, but I gotta head back into town to pick up some more supplies and that. If anyone has any fruit and veggies or pig feed or straw or - I mean, anything that you wanna donate to the rescue pig extravaganza, lemme know.

( A thumbs up; she is so excited. Pigs!!! ) And I need help coming up with names, because they can't all be Hamlet or Francis Bacon.

Comments

[magnitudes]

Nice, would the certificate come in a frame? I love a nice certificate in a frame.

[deadtective]

Yeah, they embed it right into the padded wall so that you've got something to fixate on. Pretty thoughtful.

[magnitudes]

Man, interior decorators really are something else.

[deadtective]

Untapped markets are pretty big motivators.

[magnitudes]

Unhinged ones, too, potentially.

[deadtective]

Well, yeah. They're too fucking incoherent to realize when they've already ordered shit.

[magnitudes]

You sound like a bitter hospitality employee, putting up with high uni students placing their order five times.

[deadtective]

Nah, I just loiter around crack houses a lot for work. Druggies will fucking spill their guts if you get them loaded enough.

[magnitudes]

That got a lot darker than I expected. Is it too late to backtrack to ice cream people?

[deadtective]

That depends, how good are you at using LSD as a segue?

[magnitudes]

Let's See, Dude.

[deadtective]

Annnnnd just like that you guaranteed yourself the cell without a nice window or bribable guards.

[magnitudes]

so you're celling me out

is what you're saying

[deadtective]

I'm gonna be overdosing you too.

[magnitudes]

what if we do the American thing and fuck that word up by taking the 's' and replacing it with a 'z'

and you can be overdozing me

basically just means you fuck up my alarm clock so I have a heaps good sleep in

[deadtective]

I mean, I can probably just beat you to death with it, so that'll still work out for me.

[magnitudes]

only if you make a really bad time pun

but also a little soon, mate, for the murder jokes

[deadtective]

That's my grandpa's shtick, not mine.

And it's never too soon. You don't start that shit up right away you get sensitive about all that garbage.

[she should know, considering the absolutely awful and mean-spirited jokes she makes about herself on a daily basis.]

[magnitudes]

hah, shTICK

Yeah, tried that. Few people got really mad at me.

( I mean but her jokes were basically about how she should die again, so maybe they had a point )

[deadtective]

[what are you talking about, obliquely calling yourself lower than pond scum and deserving of torment and destruction is the funniest shit in the world.]

That was reaching and you know it.

Fuck 'em. Ramming a pole up their ass isn't gonna keep them from dying any harder than everyone else.

[magnitudes]

are you gonna clock me one for it?

Hey, I get what you're saying, I do. There with you, even, but that's my sisters and my

( uhhhhh )

friend. They was just shook up. They aren't delusional, but they had a bad time of it too, yeah?

[deadtective]

I'm gonna start pretending like you've got a third of a brain instead of half a one, that's what I'm gonna do.

Must've been one hell of a bad time if they're getting pissy at the person who actually kicked it.

[but hey, what does she know. she only died For Real at home and then got murdered by her brainwashed boyfriend here that one time.]