THE MAJORITY REPORT: MAY 10TH, 2017

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: MAY 10TH, 2017With this new influx of imPorts and the fallout of the mysterious dreamscape, public opinion has never been so mixed. On one hand: intrigue! New imPorts! On the other: potentially dangerous new imPorts! New threats!

HOSTAGE MEDICATION
As seen on TMI reporting, online and televised:
Hostage situation at a new Customer Savings Solutions Pharmacy in Heropa! Male suspect captured twenty people waiting in line for their medications, threatening to repeal their need for health care.

Strangely, no hostage was harmed and the situation was resolved in mere minutes.

Two female vigilantes are rumored to have broken down and brutally humiliated a male suspect (Caucasian, 5'11''). Confirmed details remain scarce. These vigilantes are reported to have been Amazon warriors from another planet, very likely imPorts.

TYGER, TYGER VIRAL BRIGHT
As seen on BlueTube, Bwitter, Rumblr, Deddit, and some local news networks and small papers in Heropa:
A cellphone video of a chase between imPort superhero Wild Tiger and what appeared to be a repainted ImPocreat has now gone viral, after being featured on a popular imPort fanblogger's recent post. The video, following the escaped Blickablake (eventually identified as belonging to Nonah-based imPort Tetsuo Shima) and its valiant pursuer all through the city, has spawned dozens of gifs and macros, with the hashtag #tigervstiger trending on Bwitter.

Many imPort fans were endeared by the bumbling antics of the superhero known for never using his powers outside of an emergency, but some were less than impressed. Deddit user DownWithImPunks said, "lol look @ dis sad sh!t, our ~heroes~ outsmrted by a machin w/ no brainz. feel rly safe 2day", while others argued the real problem was with Tetsuo for allowing his ImPocreat to run wild in the first place. "It's government property after all," pointed out one noted import critic in his column in a local newspaper, "we can't have that kind of thing falling into the wrong hands. Irresponsibility in this case is a matter of national security."

Meanwhile, BuckStars, the origin point of the chase, has capitalized on the buzz--offering a limited edition Wild Blickablake Bubble Tea free with any purchase of a large drink* and posting a link to the clip on their official website.

*while supplies last

NATURAL CAUSE AND EFFECT
As seen on BlueTube and limited local newspaper coverage:
Police in Maurtia Falls have reported the death of Sally Cunliffe, 68. A respected local business owner, Ms. Sally Cunliffe reportedly transferred a large sum of money from her account just prior to her death. The official coroner report indicates that her death was due to a heart attack. Police are not treating the death as suspicious. That being said, authorities would like the recipient of Ms. Cunliffe's funds to come forward to answer a few routine questions, as they have so far been unable to trace them.

WELL PLAYED, YOUNG SPORT
As seen on BlueTube and in Nonah newspapers:
We're midway through this year's national youth soccer championships, and in a surprising turn of events, Nonah Middle School's very own Blue Barracudas are shaping up to be the team to beat!

Although they had a slow start at the beginning of the season, with the majority of the players' performances being described as lackluster, a marked improvement in their playing — believed to be the result of midfielder Yuuto Kidou's expert instruction — has rocketed the team into the front running.

The departure of two key players, co-captain and midfielder Ken Amada and defender Hiroto Kiyama, will no doubt have a monumental impact on the team's range of capabilities going forward, but coach Peyton Chamgerlain has stated that she believes their new lineup will be pivotal in crushing their competition. The Barracudas have elected Yuuto to be their new captain, and with Koujirou Genda rumored to be an unrivaled goalkeeper, and newcomer Jirou Sakuma being welcomed late onto the team as their primary striker, it would seem Chamgerlain has managed to successfully cover for the team's losses, and in record time to boot!

The Blue Barracudas' next match against the Astro Hawks will be held next Friday afternoon. Show your support for these fine youth athletes by sporting the Barracudas' blue and white colors, coming down to Nonah Middle School to watch the game, or by tuning in on BlueTube to watch live coverage brought to you by Nonah Middle School's student body president, Joseph Lee.

bElieve
As seen on Maurtia Falls televised news:
Upon the tallest hill in the city of Maurtia Falls sits a new art installment on the sidewalk. It seems that the guerrilla artiste bElish has struck again! A four foot tall bust made in the likeness of Ambassador Baelish and composed entirely out of synthetic honeycomb has been left on display on top a five-foot tall white podium.

What is the meaning behind this, the public wonders.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from INDIGO-GO to SILVER AGE because this is an era of second best.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[deadtective]

I haven't said a damn thing, man. This is aaaaaall you.

[iamtetsuo]

well i didnt say i lost her

theres a difference!!

[deadtective]

Lemme see. You don't have her and you don't know where she is...




That's just straight up losing, dude.

[iamtetsuo]

i have her now

so it doesnt even matter

but for the record i didnt lose her it wasnt that simple

[deadtective]

This is a language thing, isn't it? You're just sour because you can't slap a fucking umlaut or whatever on the word in English and suddenly it means 'losing with dignity' instead of 'bad pet owner'.