-5° - [video] - The Fastest Turtle Alive

[catchacold]

[The video opens with a turtle on a skateboard. The turtle has an emblem on its shell, a lightning bolt in a white circle. It looks rather unperturbed by the entire situation.

A slight shuffle can be heard and then the turtle's skateboard gets a push. It starts rolling across the room. The turtle looks as nonplussed as a turtle can look. It's not very.

The skateboard isn't moving all that fast, but for a turtle? Pretty damn fast. The camera moves along with it, only slightly shaky. A hand can be seen stopping the skateboard before it hits the sofa. The same hand shortly thereafter produces a lettuce leaf and puts it down on the skateboard, something that gets more of the turtle's interest than the entire adventure so far.

While the turtle eats, the hand holds up a sign that reads: THE FASTEST TURTLE ALIVE!]



[The camera zooms out a little, showing a sleeping Mick Rory, stretched out on the sofa with a sign propped up against him.]



[Finally the camera turns, revealing the face of the mastermind behind all this, angling the shot so he can be seen sitting on the ground, leaning back against the sofa and petting the turtle's shell.]

This turtle needs a name for its secret identity. I take suggestions!

[He moves to turn the feed off, then thinks better of it.]

Rincewind, tell me if you want your turtle back. Just remember that it has the heard of a hero. [Wait, this is Rincewind he's addressing.] Metaphorically.

Also, Flash? You're on. My money's on the turtle.

Anyone else care to make a bet? Fastest Man Alive or the turtle, tell me your odds.

Comments

[trouvaille]

Timothy T. Turtleton.

[catchacold]

Bit hard to shout out if you need help quickly, but who doesn't love alliteration?

It's in the running.

[trouvaille]

Well, you see, then you can call him Triple T.

[catchacold]

Triple T, there's something.

You see yourself screaming that when a super-villain dangles you off a cliff or something?

[trouvaille]

I mean, no, but that's less the name and more my mind rebelling at the scenario.

[catchacold]

Not the damsel in distress type?

Then maybe it's the name the villain will shout out when you kick their ass. Trying to get help from the heroic turtle.

[trouvaille]

( she's startled into laughing. )

I'm new to wearing your pants outside your trousers not being considered cause for concern.

[catchacold]

Excuse you, this turtle has no pants.

[A pause.]

Which may be cause for more concern, I guess.

[trouvaille]

I am with you on the turtle right up to the point of giving him pants. I draw my line in the sand at expecting turtles to fashionably conform. Where would it end? He's not ready for the human beauty standard.

[catchacold]

True, true. Far exceeds it.

At most I'd give him a cape.

[trouvaille]

The cape is okay.

[catchacold]

Just imagine how it will move in the wind when he rushes past. Symbol of hope.

Or something.

[trouvaille]

Look what that turtle on a skateboard is achieving. Follow your dreams.

[catchacold]

My dreams of putting a cape on said turtle?

Y'know, you're right. And given the turtle's owner, the cape should have sequins on it.

[Oh, Rincewind. You truly are what you are.]