-5° - [video] - The Fastest Turtle Alive

[catchacold]

[The video opens with a turtle on a skateboard. The turtle has an emblem on its shell, a lightning bolt in a white circle. It looks rather unperturbed by the entire situation.

A slight shuffle can be heard and then the turtle's skateboard gets a push. It starts rolling across the room. The turtle looks as nonplussed as a turtle can look. It's not very.

The skateboard isn't moving all that fast, but for a turtle? Pretty damn fast. The camera moves along with it, only slightly shaky. A hand can be seen stopping the skateboard before it hits the sofa. The same hand shortly thereafter produces a lettuce leaf and puts it down on the skateboard, something that gets more of the turtle's interest than the entire adventure so far.

While the turtle eats, the hand holds up a sign that reads: THE FASTEST TURTLE ALIVE!]



[The camera zooms out a little, showing a sleeping Mick Rory, stretched out on the sofa with a sign propped up against him.]



[Finally the camera turns, revealing the face of the mastermind behind all this, angling the shot so he can be seen sitting on the ground, leaning back against the sofa and petting the turtle's shell.]

This turtle needs a name for its secret identity. I take suggestions!

[He moves to turn the feed off, then thinks better of it.]

Rincewind, tell me if you want your turtle back. Just remember that it has the heard of a hero. [Wait, this is Rincewind he's addressing.] Metaphorically.

Also, Flash? You're on. My money's on the turtle.

Anyone else care to make a bet? Fastest Man Alive or the turtle, tell me your odds.

Comments

[burlyboy]

So if you go in a flash, do you come in a flash too?

[ Please pause for hysterical laughter that lasts for way too long. He's really amused himself. ]

I'm messing with you, bro. The name's still sounds like... you know, but you can prove everyone wrong by not doing that.

[accelerate]

[ he opens his mouth then closes it, seeming to relax a little. but, you know, he needs t make it really clear — ]

I just want to make it clear that just because I'm the fastest man alive doesn't mean I can't be slow sometimes. [ okay!!!! his sexual prowess is not like his super speed and superhero persona! ] Just ask — Actually don't. Just take my word for it. Snart'll tell you I don't lie. I'm not even good at it.

[burlyboy]

[ hee hee hee

Sorry, Barry. He's still laughing a little. ]

Oh. So you and Snart, you guys are together? That explains all of the teasing.

[accelerate]

[ why? why are you like the way you are? ]

No!

[ hang on a second here. he feels like he's being overly defensive when snart's not a bad looking guy. he's not really a bad guy, anyway. ]

Look, he's got those great baby blue eyes and I'm sure he'd know how to spoil a person if he really wanted to if you ignore the whole ... sticky fingers thing — which might be something someone likes! [ his hand presses to his chest. ] Me, personally? I like to be doted on, but I like the stuff I get to be legally obtained, you know? But he's just not my type. I like journalists. Brownie lovers! People who hyphenate and find out about their future selves marrying me and then being all okay with hyphenating my name.

[ he shakes his head. ]

Snart-Allen? Doesn't sound really cool, you know?

[burlyboy]

If you say so, pal! But if you don't mind me saying, sounds like you've got a special someone in mind. Who's the lucky fella? Or lady?

[accelerate]

[ he pauses for a moment — deliberately. despite everything he's done (going back in time and upsetting the timeline, and even reverting his relationship with iris back to literal square one), he still thinks of that night on the porch, of the original timeline that exists between them. that's his truth, and so it's not exactly a lie if he thinks and speaks like he has iris west as a best friend when she's, unfortunately, a stranger in flashpoint. ]

Her name's Iris. [ can you hear the smile in his voice? ] She's not here. But she's back home. I plan on hyphenating my name to Allen-West, which is why Snart and I could never really be.

[burlyboy]

[ Awww. He can't tease him now. Instead, he just looks decidedly sappy. ]

That's sweet. [ And no trace of irony there - he really does believe that. ] So you two are engaged now? Got any big wedding plans?

[accelerate]

[ if he was a looney tunes character, his eyes would pop right out of his head right now. it's barry's fault, anyway; he surely did let him think that. ]

I, uh —

We aren't ... [ he shakes his head. ]

No, no, we're not even —

Uhhhh.

It's kind of complicated? [ he almost winces at how his voice pitches up at the end. ] We get married, but we're not ... even dating right now. It's kind of like we are but we're not officially? I'd change my Facebook status but I don't know if she would ... I'm sure she would. But maybe after the first date — which we haven't even had yet. Because I ... [ ran back in time and changed everything. ] suck.

[burlyboy]

So... time travel shit, right? Now, I'm not one to tell other people what to do - [ he one hundred percent is ] - but you might want to wait for the version of the lady you know to agree to the marriage thing before telling people all about your hyphenated names. It's got to happen naturally, right?

[ He pauses, drumming his fingers on his knee. ]

You get to fall in love all over again! How lucky can you get?

[accelerate]

[ he opens his mouth, closes it, lifts his hand up to his neck to scratch there, and then figures he might as well damn it all to hell. he can totally change this if he wants to, right? ]

You know ... about time travel? Was I that obvious about it? I've been told I need to do better at the whole not blurting things out ... thing ...

[burlyboy]

Was it a secret? You said that you know you do get married but you're not even dating right now, so I just figured that was the logical conclusion. I didn't even know it was a thing until a buddy of mine said that we get into some time travel crap later on.

[accelerate]

[ you really need to stop with this detective work, bro. central city is missing a few people like you. ]

You time travel? [ he sounds like a kid who's been told there's gold at the end of the rainbow. it's a great distraction, talking about time travel. barry doesn't want to think on how he still sucks at keeping the whole superhero secret a secret. ] Where? When? How? Do you know?

[burlyboy]

I don't know! Like I told you, my buddy's the one who told me we time travel, and he's from a few months in the future. Apparently we die a bunch and then time turns back and then it's all okay again? Fine by me.