THE MAJORITY REPORT: JUNE 10TH, 2017

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: JUNE 10TH, 2017It's been a quiet time with one big theme: summertime!
If you're a fresh-faced imPort, be sure to come by for a relaxing Swear-In. Go have fun, you son of a beach!

NOT ALL DOGS WEAR CAPES
As seen on TMI, the Nude Report, Uncensored imPorts, ImPorts IN THE WILD!, and Rumblr:
Officials who were stumped after a makeshift compound outside Heropa (later uncovered as a dog fighting ring) went up in flames have managed to unearth telling footage from security cameras which weren't burned to a crisp. After reviewing the tapes, they now have enough evidence to put the men involved in the ring away for a long time, and, surprisingly, the identity of the formerly-anonymous saviors who tipped them to the ring's location before its fiery demise. ImPorts Sam Merlotte and Will Graham can be seen in several grainy clips as both dogs and men, including a shot of Graham changing back and robbing one of the ring leaders of his clothes before both imPorts stuffed him into a cage. Other views show the two men sneaking around the compound and freeing the dogs. Curiously, the last clip is of both men's absolutely naked behinds, seen fleeing into the woods just before the compound went up in flames.

When reached for comment, Mr. Graham mercilessly knocked the camera in his face to the sidewalk, and Mr. Merlotte eventually testily suggested the reporter direct their questions to a nearby lamp post, implying it was equally as likely to offer a quote on the subject.

GRIN AND BEER IT
As seen on social media outlets and Nonah newspapers:
After months of hard work, preparations, and brewing, Blue Man Brewery in Nonah, NC announces its grand opening with a brand new line of beers based on your favorite imPorts! Here are just a few you can expect during their first week of tours and tastings:

Will Graham: Good (Ol) Boy- Our own classic American lager. Light, refreshing, and great to take out for a day of fishing or hunting. Please do not actually share it with your dog.
Godric: Truly, Blood IPA- A blood orange IPA. He may not drink...beer, but we think Godric would approve of you having a cold glass of our bloody good IPA.
Theon Greyjoy: Squid?- A porter infused with dried squid that our intern swore would be amazing. So far, it's been described as "not...good?” by brewery employees.
Daisy Johnson: Crazy Daisy IPA- A very floral IPA, brewed with our very own strain of hops! Don't be fooled, though, this one can knock you on your ass real quick.
Ronan Lynch: Isn't It Ronan-tic?- Our version of an Irish Stout. Brewed in Virginia whiskey barrels, it's a little dark, a little fun, and a little bit of trouble. Just like it's namesake!
Jeff Winger: Jeff Zinger- A tequila barrel aged Lime Gose. Sweet and sour with a kick, just like the good lawyer himself. It's like drinking a margarita, but you can chug it! (Don't chug it.)
Newt Geizler: Kaiju Blue- A Blueberry Wheat Ale. It's crisp, it's refreshing, and you'll turn into a horrifying monster after too many!
Wanda Maximoff: Scarlet Witch- Our classic Amber Ale. No gimmicks here- this deep red ale might just be the one that saves the day! Currently only available with added red dye 40.

Every beer has a special label with art of the imPort made for us by fanartists around the world. All beers and ciders will be available on tap and in bottles in Nonah, De Chima, Heropa, and Maurtia Falls starting this month. Get yours today!

DAFT THUNK
As seen on Bwitter, from TMI's Bweet Bleed:
In a sparkling NEW SERIES heralding beneath the reign of celebrity gossip empire TMI, a new kind of polling has taken meme heights with IMPORTS UNMASKED. The christening subject is Woden, as inexplicably seen here, who has a tendency to always hide his face behind a reflective mask. WHY?? Well, we're here to find out!

Comment with the BASHtag #wodenexposed with any of the following theories:
1) Only chrome can contain his insecurity
2) He has kitten ears and is mortally ashamed
3) He is so beautiful that the world would melt if anyone ever witnessed his visage, so dressing dumbly is his sacrifice for us all
4) His face is a mash of many faces and this is just easier
5) It's just part of his look DUH!
6) Your own theory!

CALL TO ARMS
As seen on Rumblr:
With FANPORT just around the corner, the organizers would like YOU to comment on their RUMBLR BLOG fanportofficial with suggestions of imPort pairings/themes/works to feature during their GALA FILM ROLL, which will be on loop during the ending event. Unleash your hearts' desires!

YOU MADE THIS bEd
As seen on fanportofficial updates:
Bad news, bElish fans! The guerrilla artist and avant garde innovator bElish will not be attending Fanport. Or at least, bElish won't be attending under his bElish persona -- assuming he is a he! Or even just one person! The world may never know.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from GODDESS GREEN to BIKINI SAND because there's something in the back of your mind, something granule, something that doesn't quite feel right -- oh, but who cares? You're at the BEACH! No reasons to worry, right?

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

#wodenexposed

[maskormods]

[glowsferatu]

i promise you he is either ugly or just boring under that
its an attempt to conjure mystique out of something that would not have it otherwise
pretty obvious from a fashion perspective

[pummelgranite]

Spoilers, it's 1.

[reexamined]

I had been wondering.

[pummelgranite]

And now you know.


Are you a robot?

[craftpunk]

3. You're welcome, world.

FANPORTOFFICIAL RUMBLR BLOG

[maskormods]

Comment here!

[morethan084]

I guess it's pretty cool to have a beer named after you.

[infomodder]

Some of those dogs are about to be up for adoption if anyone is interested. If not, donations are helpful.

[You know, before Will just adds a dozen pups to the house.]

[pyrogue]

Congrats, by the way. You did good.

[infomodder]

You didn't watch the videos did you?

[pyrogue]

Well, the description said it went up in flames...


[ So, yes. ]

End result was good, though.

[reek]

Then change the brew.

Voice;

[shifting]

[goddamnit.]

Lemme just make it clear - [somewhat muffled by the hand over his face] - that this wasn't somethin' we planned.

Popcorn.gif

[wordaday]

Well, you did a good thing.

[No comment on the Will thing, though, because um.]

But does this mean we can put that picture up next to your name at the front of the restaurant?

[shifting]

[this is absolutely awkward for a number of reasons.]

Shouldn't it be the rear?

But also: no.

[wordaday]

[And this is why she just buries those awkward feelings and prays they don't grow into something horrible. Like a tree that only sprouts uncomfortable fruit.]

No, it's gotta say "PROPRIETOR: SAM MERLOTTE" and then under it, y'know.

Your butt.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Have you seen the Rumblr? There are already duvet prints of your posterior.

[shifting]

...Please tell me you're exaggeratin' just to fuck with me.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Perhaps I ought to buy one for you?

slides in here

[infomodder]

[too innocently:]

Are there duvets of mine, too?

[infomodder]

[haha this is awkward]

That's a nice way of saying it.

[shifting]

[no shit, good buddy.

Unseen, Sam can't help but grimace to hear Will's voice. The last time he heard it, Will was happily telling him that he'd murdered Sookie.]

...I didn't think they'd get anything out of that place, once they fire took it. Or that the bastards had cameras up to begin with. Guess that was wishful thinkin' on my part.

Video;

[faderbroderson]

[Godric pops up a bit later, directing the camera at a stall selling t-shirts of Sam's posterior in shockingly high resolution.]

Are you receiving royalties?

[He has zero right to look this amused after Truly, Blood IPA making it onto Blue Man Brewery's list, but at least he's not naked on the bottle.]

Video;

[shifting]

[that gets an all-out groan from the shifter.]

Jesus Christ they work quick.