VIDEO

[pummelgranite]

[ The video feed is just some extremely high definition footage of a bouquet of flowers blooming and then dying in what surely must be time-lapse. But no here come all the cute bugs at regular speed to munch on the plants. This is all set on black velvet and surrounded by what seems to be pieces of some small predator's skeleton cast in silver. ]

So everyone wants to know if your world has magic or space travel or- I dunno, pop-punk?

Here's the real question, is anyone from a world where there are doctors who don't constantly sound like they're trying to talk you into crawling up their ass to live with them in there?

Comments

[pummelgranite]

Because you just said you don't have an actual ass.

[knaval]

Right, okay. I get it. Okay. Are you ready for words you didn't ever expect to hear one after the other?

The armour panel is asshole adjacent.

[pummelgranite]

Enlightening.

[knaval]

I find matters concerning various asses of the galaxy tends to be.

[pummelgranite]

Finally some decent conversation around here. So OK, instead of eating ass you perform armor panel maintenance? Am I following this right?

[knaval]

[what the hell is eating ass you know what]

Sounds about right!

[pummelgranite]

Nice.


So you're a robot from space, huh?

[knaval]

Cybertronian. Robot implies I'm an AI or organically made which... I'm not.

So, yeah. An ass-eating Cybertronian from space. Here to educate you all on it.

[pummelgranite]

Well shit. Feeling #blessed. What's a Cybertronian?

[knaval]

Weeeeee're... uh, I mean. You might as well ask what a human is. We're mechanical beings from the planet Cybertron. Our claim to fame is being banned in most space sectors!

[they're... disasters.]

[pummelgranite]

. . . deadly party-bots.

[knaval]

You know, I can't even say that we haven't been banned from a planet for partying.

[pummelgranite]

Uh huh. Not bad.

[knaval]

Yeah... the Olliphians were not happy about what happened to their cathedral.

[pummelgranite]

If it was really a problem, their god should have shown up and stopped you.

[knaval]

I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we said before they banned us.

[pummelgranite]

[ PERSEPHONE LIKES THIS ONE. ]

Uh huh. Got a name? Are Cybertronians into that kind of thing?

[knaval]

My name's Riptide! And... into what?

[pummelgranite]

Having names.

Persephone, by the way.

[knaval]

Who isn't into that? How would you identify each other??

[he snorts.]

That's a cool name. I want that name. Can I have that name?

[pummelgranite]

I dunno, serial number? Or 90s internet noises?

And like hell you can.

[knaval]

We do have something like that, but there's no point explaining it. We don't really use it anymore.

Boo, no fun. I'm gonna start telling everyone that's my name, you can't stop me!

[pummelgranite]

What? Why?

[knaval]

Don't get so upset! I'm not being serious!

[no, riptide, you're just being weird.]

[pummelgranite]

No, you're just being weird.

[ When the shoe fits... ]