video - riptide 2017

[knaval]

Hi! I signed up for the president thing. For a laugh, really. I suppose I should make a speech, though.

[great start.]

Uhh... my name's Riptide! I'm almost four million years old and I've been to tons of planets so I've seen lots of political systems. Most of them don't work very well because people get really obsessive about having money so I think my first call of order will be that if you're a weird rich person, you get sprayed with a hose until you stop being weird!

[he claps his hands.]

Secondly! More non-human stuff! I got forced into a human body! I mean, what?? If there's gonna be non-humans here then we should accommodate them. I think I'm going to encourage all this weird technology to go into the right place. We don't need hovercars, we need more food and more alcohol! Is there even any cyberweed here? That too! That calms people down right quick.

[the one intelligent thought riptide has had about all this is that he can't just focus on himself and that humans are actually the dominant species on the planet.]

Leading on from that, I want that technology to go into medical advances and stuff. Again: are hovercars really necessary?

I'll let you know more as I think of them and I'm for the people, so if you have suggestions then let me know! I've never really liked the idea of one person making all the rules. It's always gotta be a team effort, doesn't it?

Comments

[airshow]

Yes! Legalize cyberweed and hose down the rich! Finally a political platform I can get behind!

But what's your stance on healthcare?

[knaval]

Well, I did say that I want more focus on medical advances. I'd like everyone to be able to get help when they need it.

[mostly because he's seen what happens when they don't.]

[airshow]

Oh, sure, sure, everyone always says they're in favor of medical advancement! But some of the rich people who need to get sprayed with hoses, y'know, they don't always think it should be handed out to just anyone.

[knaval]

I have about twenty human dollars to my name. I am not one of those rich people! If someone thinks they need to see a doctor, then they should be able to!

Of course, I also want to encourage people to go down that profession path and give them good rewards for the inevitable rush, too.

[voice]

[hellrisen02]

...I can't actually find anything to disagree with, here. All things considered, not a bad candidacy speech. I guess.

[This should probably be more worrying than it is.]

Re: [voice]

[knaval]

Of course there's nothing wrong with it! I'm a great politician! Starscream ain't got nothing on me!

[he's only 50% serious.]

Re: [voice]

[hellrisen02]

Not a hard accomplishment, my guy. [He's still cracking up.] Alright, so what are your thoughts on tax brackets?

[video]

[pummelgranite]

Cyberweed.

Re: [video]

[knaval]

I don't know what humans call it.

[because of course riptide is like this.]

[pummelgranite]

We call it "weed."

[ Video ]

[drivesadesk]

[He stares for a long while before he speaks.]

Are you serious?

Re: [ Video ]

[knaval]

Deadly.

[ Video ]

[drivesadesk]

Well, while I definitely agree on the non-human point, I have to wonder what your vendetta is against hovercars.

[ Video ]

[ghoulking]

Why are you so against hovercars?

Re: [ Video ]

[knaval]

I'm not. I just think they're a bit unnecessary.

Re: [ Video ]

[ghoulking]

Why? People drive so they can get to a place faster. Humans aren't very fast and they they get tired if they walk a lot.

text; username: dh4z3

[nastygram]

holy shit hose the rich
FINALLY a platform we can all get behind


yo candidate start with the basics tho
wtf are u if u do not have a human bod

if she knows tf im down for 4th walling :|b

[knaval]

rite???
ive been to so many planets and no1 ever likes the rich
im cybertronian
the porter gave me the abilitie to change in2 a human tho
so i guess ill use that for this

awesome :>

[nastygram]

[um why does that read familiar]

non human selfie pls

video;

[soldierman]

[ Well, that was....definitely a whole lot to take in. Have another person who just stares, somewhat slack-jawed for a moment, before managing a response. ]

I--I don't even know where to begin with that. What sort of body did you have before?

Re: video;

[knaval]

Cybertronian.

[he leans a little closer to the screen, then waves.]

I'm in it now. Hello!

video;

[soldierman]

I--All right. Hello.

[ He definitely thought that was just a costume of sorts, but color him intrigued. He has dozens of questions, but he doesn't want to come across as rude, so allow him to stick to the politics: ]

Do you have any views on the schooling system?

[am_i_a_monster]

Cyberweed? Is that some new strain?

How do you feel about psilocybin?

[knaval]

Nope.

Never heard of 'em. What do they do?

[am_i_a_monster]

What is it?

They're mushrooms. You can put them in tea.