video - riptide 2017

[knaval]

Hi! I signed up for the president thing. For a laugh, really. I suppose I should make a speech, though.

[great start.]

Uhh... my name's Riptide! I'm almost four million years old and I've been to tons of planets so I've seen lots of political systems. Most of them don't work very well because people get really obsessive about having money so I think my first call of order will be that if you're a weird rich person, you get sprayed with a hose until you stop being weird!

[he claps his hands.]

Secondly! More non-human stuff! I got forced into a human body! I mean, what?? If there's gonna be non-humans here then we should accommodate them. I think I'm going to encourage all this weird technology to go into the right place. We don't need hovercars, we need more food and more alcohol! Is there even any cyberweed here? That too! That calms people down right quick.

[the one intelligent thought riptide has had about all this is that he can't just focus on himself and that humans are actually the dominant species on the planet.]

Leading on from that, I want that technology to go into medical advances and stuff. Again: are hovercars really necessary?

I'll let you know more as I think of them and I'm for the people, so if you have suggestions then let me know! I've never really liked the idea of one person making all the rules. It's always gotta be a team effort, doesn't it?

Comments

shifts to action i guess??? if that's cool

[nastygram]

cool deal sailboat hands ✌

[I'll be the one NOT dressed for the beach Darlene might have said, because she isn't. Well, she's wearing shorts, and sunglasses, but also kneesocks and chunky boots and a big oversized sweater with sleeves drooped down over her hands.

But she's on the hot lookout for giant ass robots.]

DEFINITELY

[knaval]

[riptide waits and eventually decides he'll get her attention instead of just waiting. he stands up - 32ft tall - and turns on his headlights. full beam.

then, to top it off, shouts:] C'mon, I haven't got all day!

[nastygram]

[Well like


honestly what the fuck did she expect if not this. Transformers, robots in disguise, she knows the deal, but it is still something else to see a freaking robot stand up and fill basically the entire sky with the bulk of its body.

And blind her with its headlights. Darlene puts up an arm to shield her eyes, with a quick scowl--she's wearing sunglasses, but that doesn't mean she's impervious to freaking high beams--]

Holy shit, dude.

[Not quite awe. More like, just, holy shit. She's stopped a little ways off, for her own preservation, but her stare is still pretty obvious.]

[knaval]

[satisfied, he turns them off.]

What did I say? I'm the real deal!

[he pops a squat throwing up a peace sign.]

My name's Riptide.

[nastygram]

No shit.

[Darlene doesn't get closer, and she isn't done staring yet. As much as she has seen, giant Transformers are a first.

Then she folds her arms over her chest, expectantly.]

Okay, turn human again.

[knaval]

--God, you're already a human. Why do you wanna see fraggin'--

[grumble grumble mutter mutter

with only mild bitching, riptide switches to human form. there's no grand show or anything and it's probably quite hard to process at first. he simply stops existing as a robot and in his place is now a blue-haired human, absurdly tall and skinny.]

Happy?

[nastygram]

[What the hell, Darlene thinks, again. Then she gives an abrupt snort, because what else is she going to do.]

Oh my god, you're a total hipster. [like come on] God, never mind, I'm sorry I asked. Did you get to pick this, or is this some human spirit bs.

[knaval]

A what? I don't know what that is. Take that back!

[he groans, rubbing his face.]

It was forced on me! It's awful! This isn't even what my holoform usually looks like!

[nastygram]

Jesus, how many bodies do you have.

[Now she's drifting closer, confident enough to check this out. There's still a distance between them, which looks somehow greater now that he isn't a friggin' Transformer taking up all kinds of space but whatever.]

So the government picked this out for you?

[knaval]

Way too bloody many for my liking as of now.

[he lets her, figuring there's nothing wrong with it. unless she's coming in to shank him. is she? do humans do that?]

I guess? I mean, the hair matches my head-thing. I don't even know.

[nastygram]

[More likely to eviscerate on the internet than shank, Darlene closes the distance between them to one across which reasonable conversation might take place.]

Ten bucks says it's someone's idea of a joke. Whoever makes up powers and assigns them to us is probably buttbuddies with whoever generates the jobs they give us. I was friggin' helpdesk. Can you even.

[Of the many things Darlene dislikes, her own powers are pretty high on the list. Stupid and useless, she rarely wastes her time. Except... now she's faced with a robot who looks like a human, and okay, she's got to wonder. Does her stupid techno-empathy bullshit work now, or only if he's robo Paul Bunyaning over her?

Curious, she tries to get a read on his feelings even while she's chatting him up.]

So are you the only one, or do I have to check everyone I know for battery packs?

[knaval]

I'm an ice-cream artist...

[riptide's tone indicates he has no fucking idea whatsoever as to what that is, despite having been to work fairly often.]

My friend Tailgate is here too... but we don't have battery packs! We're not like-- that film with the, uh, robot... the borg! We're not the borg!