maskormenace | Text (1) Backdated to before the swear-in

----> THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT <----
My name is Spooky Jones, and the United States government has officially assigned me my own sex and relationship advice column called SPOOKY LOVE.

Turns out there's not much of a need for demonologists in these parts, who knew. Glad to see our tax dollars at work, though, and I'm always happy to lend a helping hand to whoever needs one.

Now that I think about it, it sort of sounds like the person who gave me this job took the saying “make love, not war” a little too literally. Not that you’ll hear me complaining. Besides, a job’s a job, am I right?

[Truth be told, Spooky has been fighting monsters for so long that the thought of completely setting that aside hasn't...really sunk in yet. But Spooky is adaptable, he is flexible in more ways than one, and he’ll roll with whatever punches this place throws at him.]

Anyway, if you guys have any questions about sex, relationships, or anything else you’re usually too embarrassed to talk about, you should totally hit me up at my website here:

[Insert link that re-directs your character to the aforementioned site]

You can’t lose, so ask anything you want. It’s completely anonymous, I promise.

[OOC: If you want your character to anonymously submit a question, reply to this post with “Spooky Love Question” in the subject line. These questions will be submitted through his off-network website, and they will be featured on his next network post.

Unless otherwise noted, all other comments will be the usual Network stuff!]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Is Spooky your real name?

Are you really an expert?

Hell yeah. It's on my driver's license and everything. Makes for a pretty good superhero name too, so it sorta kills two birds with one stone.

Your question makes me kinda curious to know what you'd consider a "fake" name, though.

On demons? Yes. On love, sex and relationships? People back home would say I've got enough experience to qualify, so that's gotta count for something.

the only demons about tend to be the ones we bring with us
there may be some among us imports but i wouldnt start any fights with them
that never goes well
better to adapt to more present conflicts and find something to do with yourself when there arent any

to that end i do have a question
but i havent decided yet if i really want to ask it

Wouldn't dream of it. Demonology may be my specialty, but I only start fights with monsters. Funny thing is, not all demons are monsters, and not all monsters are demons.

[Demons you bring with you are another story, one that Spooky understands all too well. That's one common thread he shares with most people he meets.]

Yeah, these sorts of things are pretty personal, I get that. Hypothetically, though, what do you think would happen if you just went ahead and asked anyway?

Edited 2017-07-16 04:21 (UTC)

What is it that makes you an authority on such things?

People call me, I solve their problems, word spreads. That's how the demon thing turned into a business back home.

When there aren't many people with your skills and experience, you basically become the authority by default.

I have plenty of experience with demons.

I mean romance.

[Good to know. He'll make a mental note of that for future reference.]

Same principle. I've got lots of experience, the hindsight to know what works and what doesn't, and the willingness to lend a hand to whoever needs it.

If you need references, Kyle Conlen is an imPort from my world. He can totally vouch for me. [They're also romantically involved, but he refrains from mentioning it out of respect for Kyle's privacy.]

OR you can just talk to me about romance and draw your own conclusions.

Either's fine with me.

You can have a lot of experience and still not be very good at it.

[ Says Yusuke, who has no experience whatsoever, but has found himself in a situation best described as unbearably awkward. ]

You're skeptical, I get it. I guess I would be too.

If you've got something you wanna talk about, though, why not just ask anyway? It's not like anyone's gonna force you to take my advice once you hear it. And if it's something that actually does helps you, then you're only gonna be better off for it, right?

Either way, NOT talking about it pretty much guarantees that you'll be stuck in the same place as yesterday, the day before that, and probably the day before that too.

[ Well, it's not like he has anything to lose by being proactive. Maybe it's better to ask a stranger who was new here. Someone whose opinion of him didn't matter. ]

I told someone that I love him, and it was the truth, but I think it may have been a mistake.

[That's the spirit! His friends back home can be pretty reluctant to open up about their problems, so Spooky understands how it might be easier to confide in a stranger.]

Okay. Why do you think it may have been a mistake?

Because he told me that he likes me a lot, but he's accepted a date with someone else, and he has to talk to that other person before he can give me a real answer.

Alright. So, just to make sure we're on the same page:

You confessed your feelings to this guy, but he can't tell you whether he's willing to enter a relationship with you until he talks to this other person he's agreed to go on a date with.

Am I understanding that right?

well obviously
not even all monsters are monsters
depending on the definition you use

anyway if i went ahead and asked anyway
i suspect my identity would be rather transparent
the concerns i would inquire on dont apply to many individuals on this world
which is part of what makes it so tricky

That would be the gist of it, yes.

They knew each other, before they were brought here. But we have overcome a lot, ourselves.

I do not wish to be in a situation where I feel I have to compete.

Very true. The definition I'm using can be applied to certain humans just as easily as some of the demons I've fought.

And yeah, okay, I see where you're coming from. If it'll make asking any easier, I don't have to post your question on the web. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

So, in other words, you and your guy met out here, but this guy and his date have known each other for longer.

Are you the type of person to turn it into a competition, if it comes down to it? Or do you mean you don't like the idea of your guy comparing you to someone else?

oh trust me im well aware
ive spent a great deal of time around humans since arriving on earth

which is what the question concerns really
though not a specific situation so much as a prevailing status quo
but even the act of asking itself just seems a little
indiscreet

As I said, I would rather not, but if that's what it comes down to, I will.

At this point, I'm just waiting.

Congrats on the assignment. Could be worse, right?

Give it enough time, and I'm sure you'll be back on the demonology beat.

So you're willing to compete for your guy's affections, even if you'd rather it not come down to that. Gotcha.

[Some people shy away from competition, while others definitely have Something to Prove, so Spooky wanted to see where on the spectrum Yusuke fell.]

Did your guy ever talk about this other person before he showed up? Have you met him before?

Thanks! Could be WAY worse. Not gonna lie, though, I'm kinda jealous of my friend who gets to taste test s'mores all day. Can't think of a sweeter gig than that.

And maybe you're right. I mean, it's good to use my experience for a good cause. On the other hand, I don't wanna see anyone in danger either, you know? If demons aren't causing trouble for anyone in this world, that's a win/win for everyone involved.

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Private 4ever nobody look at him

awww it's okay bb there's no shame!!

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