Text (1) Backdated to before the swear-in

[nicetouch]

----> THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT <----
My name is Spooky Jones, and the United States government has officially assigned me my own sex and relationship advice column called SPOOKY LOVE.

Turns out there's not much of a need for demonologists in these parts, who knew. Glad to see our tax dollars at work, though, and I'm always happy to lend a helping hand to whoever needs one.

Now that I think about it, it sort of sounds like the person who gave me this job took the saying “make love, not war” a little too literally. Not that you’ll hear me complaining. Besides, a job’s a job, am I right?

[Truth be told, Spooky has been fighting monsters for so long that the thought of completely setting that aside hasn't...really sunk in yet. But Spooky is adaptable, he is flexible in more ways than one, and he’ll roll with whatever punches this place throws at him.]

Anyway, if you guys have any questions about sex, relationships, or anything else you’re usually too embarrassed to talk about, you should totally hit me up at my website here:

[Insert link that re-directs your character to the aforementioned site]

You can’t lose, so ask anything you want. It’s completely anonymous, I promise.

[OOC: If you want your character to anonymously submit a question, reply to this post with “Spooky Love Question” in the subject line. These questions will be submitted through his off-network website, and they will be featured on his next network post.

Unless otherwise noted, all other comments will be the usual Network stuff!]

Comments

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[cleptes]

Is Spooky your real name?

text;

[nicetouch]

Hell yeah. It's on my driver's license and everything. Makes for a pretty good superhero name too, so it sorta kills two birds with one stone.

Your question makes me kinda curious to know what you'd consider a "fake" name, though.

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[cleptes]

[ As someone who was prone to using aliases as a career criminal, Bela should be able to answer this one. ]

I don't know, something like "Jane Doe" or "John Smith"? The only reason I questioned your name because it felt like a nom de plume; something you use for your advice column.

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[nicetouch]

So a name to hide behind, in other words.

Nah, I use the name Spooky for everything. Makes life a lot simpler.

[His life is already complicated enough without having a bunch of aliases. Besides, Spooky doesn't have much to lose, which means he doesn't have much to hide either.]

text;

[cleptes]

Fair enough. If that's what people know you as and it works.

[Using her real name all of the time did not work for Bela. She didn't want to get caught.]

Did you offer relationship advice back home? I only ask because sometimes the higher-ups here can give someone a job they may not have done before.

[lempereur]

Are you really an expert?

[nicetouch]

On demons? Yes. On love, sex and relationships? People back home would say I've got enough experience to qualify, so that's gotta count for something.

[lempereur]

What is it that makes you an authority on such things?

[nicetouch]

People call me, I solve their problems, word spreads. That's how the demon thing turned into a business back home.

When there aren't many people with your skills and experience, you basically become the authority by default.

[lempereur]

I have plenty of experience with demons.

I mean romance.

text.

[glowsferatu]

the only demons about tend to be the ones we bring with us
there may be some among us imports but i wouldnt start any fights with them
that never goes well
better to adapt to more present conflicts and find something to do with yourself when there arent any

to that end i do have a question
but i havent decided yet if i really want to ask it

text.

[nicetouch]

Wouldn't dream of it. Demonology may be my specialty, but I only start fights with monsters. Funny thing is, not all demons are monsters, and not all monsters are demons.

[Demons you bring with you are another story, one that Spooky understands all too well. That's one common thread he shares with most people he meets.]

Yeah, these sorts of things are pretty personal, I get that. Hypothetically, though, what do you think would happen if you just went ahead and asked anyway?

text.

[glowsferatu]

well obviously
not even all monsters are monsters
depending on the definition you use

anyway if i went ahead and asked anyway
i suspect my identity would be rather transparent
the concerns i would inquire on dont apply to many individuals on this world
which is part of what makes it so tricky

text.

[nicetouch]

Very true. The definition I'm using can be applied to certain humans just as easily as some of the demons I've fought.

And yeah, okay, I see where you're coming from. If it'll make asking any easier, I don't have to post your question on the web. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

text.

[glowsferatu]

oh trust me im well aware
ive spent a great deal of time around humans since arriving on earth

which is what the question concerns really
though not a specific situation so much as a prevailing status quo
but even the act of asking itself just seems a little
indiscreet

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[eloquentness]

Congrats on the assignment. Could be worse, right?

Give it enough time, and I'm sure you'll be back on the demonology beat.

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[nicetouch]

Thanks! Could be WAY worse. Not gonna lie, though, I'm kinda jealous of my friend who gets to taste test s'mores all day. Can't think of a sweeter gig than that.

And maybe you're right. I mean, it's good to use my experience for a good cause. On the other hand, I don't wanna see anyone in danger either, you know? If demons aren't causing trouble for anyone in this world, that's a win/win for everyone involved.

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[eloquentness]

Wow. That's his official title? "S'mores Taste Tester??"

[ What has Iris been doing with her life, and how can she sign up for that job ASAP... ]

Yeah, that's certainly the best way to look at it. Maybe you could end up as one of those TV consultants, like the guys that make sure the science or history's all accurate?

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[nicetouch]

YEP. The American Dream, right there. I think he's worried about gaining weight, but dude. GETTING PAID TO EAT S'MORES.

[Seriously. He thought Kyle was pulling his leg when he first told him, but now Spooky is envious. Maybe Kyle's company has a "bring your partner to work day"......]

If someone invited me on TV, I definitely wouldn't say no. Wouldn't be so different from the interviews and stuff I did back home. You know anyone who needs a demon expert for something like that?

[He's gotta stay sharp SOMEHOW.]

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[eloquentness]

EXACTLY. He could save some for the rest of us!!

[ and now she's craving that fluffy goodness. ]

Not off the top of my head, sorry. I'm more of a reporter than a broadcast journalist, and in this world, I'm back to freelancing. I could put out feelers, tho, and see where it leads?

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[fridgeflower]

I think I'd have plenty of questions about relationships, but I can't think for the life of me how to word any of them. And I'm a writer, so... Goes to show how muddled the whole thing is.

Is your name really Spooky? How'd they peg you for a love expert?

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[nicetouch]

Yeah, I get it. Sometimes it's hard to know where to start with that kind of stuff. Has anything been bothering you lately?

Well, it's on my driver's license and tax documents, so yeah. As real as any other name, hahah!

You know, that's an excellent question. Maybe the Porter gave them the 411 on all my experience and they just left that part out of the dossier they gave me.

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[fridgeflower]

We can start with me being undatable and move forward from there. I realize that super broad, but it's a good summary. I've been single for years, and not for lack of trying. It's either terrible luck or I'm doing something really wrong.

And, yeah. The combo of the name and an apparent history... I'd give that a publication for sure. It's snappy.

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[nicetouch]

Hmm, could be a combo of stuff. The whole "I'm undateable" thing is probably a good place to start. Saying stuff like that, even as a joke, can do a number on your head space after awhile, you know?

When I see someone who's been single for years, and not for lack of trying, I don't think of them as undateable. I just see someone who hasn't found the right person to date yet. (Keyword: Yet. Which still leaves the future open to finding someone great.)

text;;

[fridgeflower]

Ah. But there's the conundrum, right? Being romantically lonely without it easing up can do a number on your headspace after a while. Acknowledging that you're lacking, even as a joke, can do a number of your head space after a while... So where do you go next?

There's that cliche about the definition of insanity, right? "Doing the same thing again and again, and expecting different results."

I must be doing something wrong.