video. of gastropods and mammals

[magnitudes]

( Folks, it’s Sarissa. She’s posting about five am, and the hazy grey early morning light is all she has to work with. There’s hay in her hair. On the bale behind her slumbers a piglet. She’s got another in her lap.

Surprise, she’s in the barn. )

G’day g’day, tuning with an important philosophical question for all you good people of the network. I was gonna ask Saroula, but she locked me outta the house for making shitty jokes, and then I think she fell asleep before remembering to unlock the door.

( Is this the slight madness of not-enough-sleep, or is it regular Sarissa? It’s hard to say. )

So, okay, back to business. If a snail doesn’t have its shell is it…

( She plays a gentle drum roll on the sleepy piglet’s belly, and it makes a sleepy sound, moving to get comfy again. )

a) Naked
b) Homeless
or
c) Minimalist?

Important question, right? Feel free to slug it out as you enlighten me with your gastropodical opinions. And if someone can bring me a clean shirt and some coffee that’d be great. I could be out here a while.

Comments

[magnitudes]

You're naked and homeless at the same time!

( a pause— )

I haven't slept, hey. ( Which is not actually an apology, but you know. )

[oddbod]

Maybe I am. The city of De Chima is thrilled.

[So humble.]

Just come sleep on our couch, Sarissa. It's a pull-out.

[magnitudes]

Not sure how Tiger'd feel about it.

( A moment, and she squints in the direction of the road. )

But we're so far from the porters.

[oddbod]

You sleeping here, or me walking around naked? Because she's generally in favor of both of those.

[The wife in question is fast asleep two rooms over, while Clara enjoys a nice steaming cup of insomnia in the kitchen.]

Someone here should invent Uber

[magnitudes]

I was thinking you walking around naked, 'cept not being at home and naked. This is gonna turn into one of those weird conversations if we let it go, but.

( This is their life. )

What-er?

[oddbod]

It's this taxi service they have back home. Started in America, just strangers picking each other up in shifty cars. But in 2037 they switch over to teleportation. Press a button on your phone, and this little drone shows up and sends you where you need to go in half a second.

[magnitudes]

Do they use that for delivering food? 'Cause I could really go for teleported sweet and sour chicken.

[oddbod]

Sixty seconds or delivery's free.

[magnitudes]

Literally the only time to celebrate a guy being fast.

[oddbod]

Unless it's when they're leaving.

[magnitudes]

Hah! If I could, I'd high-five you right now.

[oddbod]

Too bad you're just sitting outside your dark house in the middle of nowhere instead of being sensible.

[magnitudes]

Well, yeah. Whatever. Jessica's gonna come over and feed piglets with me.

[oddbod]

Is she now.

[magnitudes]

— don't be weird, Paddington.

[oddbod]

I was asking a simple question, Dundee.

[magnitudes]

But you were bein' all— I mean, I could hear the italics. Italicised words are never simple or innocent or without you and Tiger waiting around a corner to interrogate me.

[oddbod]

We've already established that I'm in a different city, where my wife is fast asleep in another room, with one very large dog snoring on top of her.

[magnitudes]

You know what I mean.