maskormenace | video;

Entry tags:

video;

Okay, non-literal show of hands: who got included in that dating app, and did you date yourself? This is important data collection.

[No it's not.]

Okay, it isn't, but I'm still really curious and want you to tell me. Full disclosure: the Alayne Salmon character is me, and it's...not completely off-base? I do care a lot about my career, and I do like classic video games. But it also says I like bad boys...and girls...so it's not a how-to guide, either.

[Not that they need to be squeaky clean, but thaaaaat is not something she's going to talk about on the network.]

Anyway, I want to know who tried out some self-love and how well it ended. Myself and myself will be very happy together, apparently, but I lost a weekend to this game and got mixed results with Hannu Sololo, James Caligula and Bill Grimm.

Maybe I should be annoyed that the developer used our likenesses this way, but honestly, I had a lot of fun.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It is weird, but it's part of the whole imPort celebrity thing—you get used to it. Have you ever played a mobile game before?

Yeah, of course. I got so into Candy Crush when it came out, I hated myself for weeks.

'Candy crush'? Sounds like an ice cream topping.

[He laughs a bit, shaking his head.] You'd figure, right?

It was this stupid matching game that like, took over the world, in a way. You slide around these pieces of candy, trying to get three or more in a row. You have to do certain things to keep advancing through the levels. Crazy addictive in the weirdest way.

That sounds incredibly dumb, and I really want to play it.

It is incredibly dumb, and I know that I can rest easy tonight knowing that I've done the world a service by introducing yet another person to the ridiculous stupidity of Candy Crush.

I'm .. not sure if you can download it here, but .. it's worth a shot, right?

I'll look through the app store a little later. Stupidly addicting games have to cross dimensional barriers, right?

... God, I hope so. I'd be unfortunately devastated if they didn't.

Hey, at least you'd still have gotten to experience it once if that were the case. Some of us might be candy-less forever.

What a sad, sad state of affairs. It's like, why even bother then, you know?

You're right. I'm not sure I'll be able to go on living.

I mean, why would you want to? It's not like there's .. you know, other people, or your job, or anything else to keep you going. We all exist only for the consumption of idiotic, mindless matching games to satisfy some weird primal instinct of keeping things in order. Only back then, we like .. arranged stones in particular ways instead of virtual candy pieces.