( video. ) cw: blood and a deeply useless human being

[magnitudes]

( The scene:
Sarissa, with what looks like twisted up kitchen roll shoved up each nostril, the paper bloody. Her nose is puffy, bruised, the skin across the bridge of it and around her eyes looking almost purple, but it hasn’t bowed to either side.

Underneath said tragedy, Sarissa’s mouth is tugged in a wide smile. )

Fuckin’ oath, mates. My sister clocked me good. Can you see this?

( The camera is waved around, to get different angles of her poor nose. ) Bloody legend. I was worried she’d be useless at self-defence, but I take back everything. And she’s driving me to A n’ E.

( She’s in a car, by the way. A nice one. The seats are a deep red leather, and in the driver's seat but considerably less jovial is Sarah. She turns the camera to actually get a shot of Sarah for a couple of seconds before twisting the camera away again. )

It was an accident, we’re good and golden. Lesson learned, but, don’t try to tickle attack Saroula when she’s groggy.

( A sniff, and she makes a little “ow” sort of face that is more comical than sincere. )

Anyway, just wanted to say we’re gonna have a big fuck off barbie at ours, soon. Last part of the summer— or uh, first part of the autumn? And if you happen to also have a homicidal ex-boyfriend who has been ported out for more than a month, then you get to receive a special prize. Like, I dunno. You can take home the bouncy castle, or something. Everyone’s invited, unless I don’t like you, but if you ain’t sure and you got a seal of approval from one of the girls, then you’re good. But everyone bring some food or something, ‘cause I ain’t cooking endless bloody mountains of food when I don’t know how many people are turning up. For one, I'm cheap, and for two, I'm lazy.

( Another little sniff, and Sarissa looks across at Sarah. Dramatically: ) Do you reckon I can still get away with serenadin’ myself in the mirror? You’re beeeeautiful—

( That might just be Sarah’s hand reaching over to try and knock Sarissa’s device out of her hand. )

No, Sarah, you broke my nose, you get to listen to me sing James bloody Blunt, that’s the rules. Maybe Snow Patrol, okay, or Shania, that’s my compromise.

Comments

[bragnificent]

For whatever reason. [ Reggie shrugs leisurely. ] It's not that big a deal.

[ Nnnnot that he has siblings. ]

And in that case I don't think it really counts as self-defense.

[magnitudes]

Can be. Family beatin' on family ain't something to go dismissing.

( But she shrugs, too, and offers more of a grin, )

Nah, you're right, but the potential is there. Powerful reflexes.

[bragnificent]

Yeah, whatever.

[ But he'll let it go, because talking more about family? No thanks. Not the kind of fighting Reggie'd had in mind. ]

Well that's true-- maybe you guys should take up boxing. You could be like some kind of freaky twin tag-team, totally psych out your opponents.

[magnitudes]

You should see when the whole of us get together. People are overwhelmed. It'd be like a whole soccer team.

[bragnificent]

What, seriously? How many of you are there?

[magnitudes]

Dunno. Clones, mate. Home-made in lab, secret science sauce. Clones before brones.

( ... ) My head really hurts, I dunno, I probably ain't makin' much sense.

[bragnificent]

Okay... [ Whaaaat. A pause. ] Well, holy crap. How long has that been possible? Because if anyone needs a clone, it's me-- like, at least one.

[ More than that would be traumatizing for everyone. Although even just the one Reggie often tends to be that, too. ]

I mean that's gotta be pretty awesome, right?

[magnitudes]

No, no, hold it. Bein' a clone involves havin' people spying on you and messing with you and sometimes you wind up dead because of crazy shitty cults or because of scientists wanting to keep their illegal shitty experiments secret.

( A beat. )

Also it ain't like the clones are different branches of you that you can assign to do your homework. I mean, if I had homework I guess I could ask Cosima to do it, but she'd probably tell me that I won't learn anything without doing it myself, and then look disappointed in me if I didn't do it.

[bragnificent]

Uh, what?

[ ... Is the only way Reggie knows how to respond to that, at first. It's kind of A Lot, not to mention weirdly specific. ]

Well, I bet it could probably involve all kinds of things. Who's to say it has to be just one way or the other? Especially if the clones all have different personalities-- because listen, just because you couldn't talk your clone into doing your homework doesn't mean I'd have any problems with mine. It's a matter of technique, that's all.

Well, and charm, obviously.

[magnitudes]

Yeah, it's a shitheap.

( And, as for the rest: ) Obviously. I just mean clones are real people, but. How'd you feel if some dickhead told you that you was his clone and you had to get his homework done 'cause he couldn't be arsed with it?

[bragnificent]

For you, maybe, but why generalize? It's not like you have the monopoly on it, right? I mean, unless you do.

[ It's frankly too weird and abstract for Reggie to be able to take too seriously, which is why he isn't. He takes a moment or two to consider her hypothetical, then answers: ]

I'd feel like I needed to kick his ass and assert dominance, I guess.