( video. ) cw: blood and a deeply useless human being

[magnitudes]

( The scene:
Sarissa, with what looks like twisted up kitchen roll shoved up each nostril, the paper bloody. Her nose is puffy, bruised, the skin across the bridge of it and around her eyes looking almost purple, but it hasn’t bowed to either side.

Underneath said tragedy, Sarissa’s mouth is tugged in a wide smile. )

Fuckin’ oath, mates. My sister clocked me good. Can you see this?

( The camera is waved around, to get different angles of her poor nose. ) Bloody legend. I was worried she’d be useless at self-defence, but I take back everything. And she’s driving me to A n’ E.

( She’s in a car, by the way. A nice one. The seats are a deep red leather, and in the driver's seat but considerably less jovial is Sarah. She turns the camera to actually get a shot of Sarah for a couple of seconds before twisting the camera away again. )

It was an accident, we’re good and golden. Lesson learned, but, don’t try to tickle attack Saroula when she’s groggy.

( A sniff, and she makes a little “ow” sort of face that is more comical than sincere. )

Anyway, just wanted to say we’re gonna have a big fuck off barbie at ours, soon. Last part of the summer— or uh, first part of the autumn? And if you happen to also have a homicidal ex-boyfriend who has been ported out for more than a month, then you get to receive a special prize. Like, I dunno. You can take home the bouncy castle, or something. Everyone’s invited, unless I don’t like you, but if you ain’t sure and you got a seal of approval from one of the girls, then you’re good. But everyone bring some food or something, ‘cause I ain’t cooking endless bloody mountains of food when I don’t know how many people are turning up. For one, I'm cheap, and for two, I'm lazy.

( Another little sniff, and Sarissa looks across at Sarah. Dramatically: ) Do you reckon I can still get away with serenadin’ myself in the mirror? You’re beeeeautiful—

( That might just be Sarah’s hand reaching over to try and knock Sarissa’s device out of her hand. )

No, Sarah, you broke my nose, you get to listen to me sing James bloody Blunt, that’s the rules. Maybe Snow Patrol, okay, or Shania, that’s my compromise.

Comments

[Video]

[versusseeker]

[Cue one very concerned-looking Pokémon trainer, brow wrinkled on the other end of the feed (is that a yellow rat on his shoulder?). When he speaks, his voice is barely more than a mumble, but at least you've managed to get his face to move beyond a "._.".]

Are you okay?

[Yes, he listened to your video-- Well, okay. So maybe Red spaced out just a little bit staring at your face, but, to be fair, it's really not looking very good at the moment. He's just worried about you, friend. Even Pikachu looks a little disturbed.]

permavideo.

[magnitudes]

Nah, nah, nah, mates,

( she starts, waving a hand dismissively, ) I'm heaps good. Right as the proverbial rain.

( Though whether this is default "absurd Sarissa" or "possible head injury Sarissa" is a touch tough to pin down. And then she squints at her devise, and brings it close. ) Oi, is that a yellow sugar glider?

video;

[picksthenames]

How could I possibly turn down an authentic Australian barbie? I'll bring the empanadas!

Just one question: Will there be shrimp on the barbie?

permavideo.

[magnitudes]

( Her expression goes from cheery grin to gently horrified in 0.236. )

Uh, no, because there ain't a single Australian who says "shrimp." That's some American bullshit, that is.

Might be prawns, but. What's an empanada?

video;

[coppelganger]

Oi, don't get her started on that shit.

private

[the_caped_crusader]

Training next week is a lesson on how to parry.

[Said like a disciplinary teacher.]

private

[magnitudes]

I know how to parry, Drill Sargent.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Anger management classes. For her.

[magnitudes]

Hey hey hey, nah, it was an accident. You think we'd be gettin' along so good if Sarah's hurt me on purpose?

[coppelganger]

[ wow wtf she's feeling so attacked ]

Say again?

VIDEO.

[bragnificent]

Damn.

[ Reggie leans close to the screen, looking more morbidly amused than disturbed by the state of her face. ]

She got you good, all right-- that doesn't exactly look like an accident. Unless maybe you were boxing or something, but I'm assuming you weren't.

permavideo.

[magnitudes]

No, okay, to address your second thing,

( Sarissa waves her hand a little bit, because this is important, )

We wouldn't be okay if she hit me on purpose. Sarah an' me are dramatic as a couple highly caffeinated kangaroos from time to time, but that's a line. She got me with her elbow, but. Fuckin' canes.

video;

[coppelganger]

It was an accident. Mostly.

[airshow]

All I heard was bouncy castle!

[magnitudes]

Finally, someone with standards! Thank you. Do you think September's too late to have like, a lake with a floating inflatable obstacle course?

[deadkord]

Are there other ways to win the bouncy castle that don't include homicidal exes? Because nothing would brighten up Wayne Manor like a bouncy castle.

[magnitudes]

Nah. Only way. Gotta have standards, Mr. Beets.

video

[am_i_a_monster]

Only homicidal ex-boyfriends? What about homicidal ex-guardians?

Hope your nose feels better.

Re: video

[magnitudes]

Uhhh.

( Except it's stretched out for an uncomfortable twelve or thirteen seconds, Sarissa looking at Abigail with a quiet look of oh god but I wasn't prepared for this option and legitimate concern. )</small. How would you feel about someone paying for some therapy sessions? That might be more helpful than a bouncy castle. And thanks. Hopefully it'll look better after this, too.

[acclimatized]

Ouch. That looks nasty. Is this the same person who locked you out of the house the other night?

[ his tone isn't accusatory. in fact, he sounds vaguely amused. ]

[magnitudes]

Rule Brittania, g'day mate. And, yeah, it was.

( She grins, despite The Everything. )

My sister really is the best, but. I give her shit, but she always looks out for me.

[coppelganger]

Deservedly locked out.

[hardedged]

Jesus.

[ where the hell does she even start. perhaps with the bloody nose or maybe the party that's celebrating the departure of her crazy ex. this entire post is a dumpster fire. good job, sarissa. ]

[magnitudes]

Hey, it's my best person.

( FINGER GUNS. But then, a sheepish wave. ) Jess, how you goin'?

video

[notsheepish]

You two are completely ridiculous, you know that?

permavideo.

[magnitudes]

Uh, no. Not me. I'm always serious. This is very serious.

video

[khajidont]

Geez, that looks nasty. Are you okay? Are you headed to, like, a clinic or something, or to some fight club while you still look all...

[ He gestures at the screen. ]

permavideo

[magnitudes]

Accident and Emergency, matey. I think you Yanks call it the "E R."

( She grins, messily. It'd be less alarming if there wasn't blood down her shirt.
Maybe. It might still be alarming, because Sarissa smiling is like a danger signal to most sane people. )

See, I suggested that, but Saroula was all, ( and she puffs up her chest, tilts to one side a bit, all stiff, as she adopts The Worst Sarah Accent, ) "don't be a bloody moron," so.

( A wave of her hand, which means something along the lines of no fun for me. )