001 • video

[cigarbribery]

So, hi!

[The setting: an ice cream parlor, somewhere in Heropa. The scene: Foggy Nelson, eating ice cream, because somebody offered him free ice cream with toppings and he's broke. He gives the camera a little wave and a friendly grin.]

I'm Foggy Nelson—yeah, I know, not my idea, but I'm not changing it now—and I have some questions. Don't worry, I got the "welcome to another world, you have superpowers" speech, I just have some concerns it didn't address.

[Lots and lots of them, actually, but he'll just start with the most pressing.]

First of all, I'm a lawyer back at home. Got a law firm and a partner and even a sign for our office. [A pause, during which he looks quickly away from the camera and lets out a quiet, tired sigh like he's already missing it, then:] Of course, you don't have any reason to believe me, and I don't have any proof to back me up here. Which leads me to my first question: do my qualifications still carry over into an alternate universe? Because, man, being an insurance claim investigator is the only thing that's probably worse than being a lawyer. [He's both, so he gets to be funny about this.]

Second, I might need a crash course on imPort law. I'm pretty sure immigration law doesn't quite cover "forcibly dragged to another universe" that well, and I only got maybe a sketch of the benefits of registration when I tried to ask. [This whole registration thing honestly comes off as a little sketchy to Foggy, but he's going to keep his trap shut on that much.]

Third—does anyone here know what I mean when I say the Avengers? How about the Incident? I—just need to know.

Comments

video;

[cigarbribery]

[Foggy sees that Look, and gives one of his own, that reads, I know it sounds ridiculous, I wish I was kidding. Anyway, technically, they're not whales, it's just that he's not sure what else to call them.]

Who'd want to?

[Sympathetic, even as he's fishing a pen out of his pocket and taking a napkin from the napkin holder, for lack of anything else to write on.]

Okay, now I want specifics: how regularly, exactly? And how much damage happens usually? Stuff like this tends not to end in buildings still standing.

video;

[reek]

Regularly enough.

[ Theon is stubborn. Too stubborn to give a proper answer now that he knows Foggy is after one. ]

If you intend to stay for any length of time, you’ll know well enough.

video;

[cigarbribery]

Wow, that is so helpful.

[He knows way too many people who are too stubborn for their own good, he can tell this guy's going to give him a headache.]

And I don't actually intend to stay! I didn't even want to be here in the first place. But since I'm stuck here for the time being, [he shrugs] I might as well make the most of it, and part of that is figuring out if I have to fear for my life every other week or every other month.

If you don't know how regularly, exactly, then just ballpark it.

video;

[reek]

[ Not even knowing what "ballpark it" means, he's trying so hard not to smirk even more here as he responds. ]

Daily.

[ That is a lie. That is a completely lie. But Foggy, buddy, you've got him cornered here with your napkin and your pen. He has to say something and do his best to make you believe it. ]

video;

[cigarbribery]

[There's a long moment, during which Foggy gives the camera a Look, one that says I don't believe you.]

Funny. If it was daily, why's anything still standing, then?

video;

[reek]

[ He can't help but laugh, because that's just Theon for you. ]

I never said they were always catastrophic incidents.

[cigarbribery]

[A resigned sigh, because honestly.]

My old professor would've loved you. [Is this guy a lawyer? Probably not, but he dances around the meaning of his words like one. Foggy kind of admires that.] Okay. Fine. How often are catastrophic incidents, then? And by that, I mean "massive amounts of property damage and lives lost".

[reek]

[ Nah, he doesn't even know what a lawyer is. He smirks, looking amused with himself. ]

Not terribly often.

[ Vague. Very vague. ]