001 • video

[cigarbribery]

So, hi!

[The setting: an ice cream parlor, somewhere in Heropa. The scene: Foggy Nelson, eating ice cream, because somebody offered him free ice cream with toppings and he's broke. He gives the camera a little wave and a friendly grin.]

I'm Foggy Nelson—yeah, I know, not my idea, but I'm not changing it now—and I have some questions. Don't worry, I got the "welcome to another world, you have superpowers" speech, I just have some concerns it didn't address.

[Lots and lots of them, actually, but he'll just start with the most pressing.]

First of all, I'm a lawyer back at home. Got a law firm and a partner and even a sign for our office. [A pause, during which he looks quickly away from the camera and lets out a quiet, tired sigh like he's already missing it, then:] Of course, you don't have any reason to believe me, and I don't have any proof to back me up here. Which leads me to my first question: do my qualifications still carry over into an alternate universe? Because, man, being an insurance claim investigator is the only thing that's probably worse than being a lawyer. [He's both, so he gets to be funny about this.]

Second, I might need a crash course on imPort law. I'm pretty sure immigration law doesn't quite cover "forcibly dragged to another universe" that well, and I only got maybe a sketch of the benefits of registration when I tried to ask. [This whole registration thing honestly comes off as a little sketchy to Foggy, but he's going to keep his trap shut on that much.]

Third—does anyone here know what I mean when I say the Avengers? How about the Incident? I—just need to know.

Comments

[handycapable]

Exactly! Or at least... I dunno, some sort of dossier with all our credentials and skills and licenses in it so that we won't be totally screwed if we ever wanna do anything we actually got the experience for. I mean do you know how many hours you need to put in to get a pilot's license? A lot.

[ Actually it's only 40. ]

Oh, well... that's not so bad. I'm Ray, it's nice to meet you. [ A beat, then: ] So what kind of lawyer were you?

[cigarbribery]

God, I don't know about that. Creepy enough they've got files on us, I'd find it even creepier if they went to all that trouble. [He can bitch about surveillance and privacy and all this shit all day, just watch.] I'll just take your word for it.

[Those are still a lot of hours, technically speaking.]

Criminal defense attorney. I also dabbled in other areas, our firm isn't all that established yet, but criminal defense is what I'm best at.

1/2

[handycapable]

Eh. I mean, I guess? [ Maybe he's just far too used to having his privacy violated by now. ] It's not like they'd have to actually release any of it, just fast track it through directly to our employers. Or whoever.

[ ... He hasn't thought this through too deeply yet, okay. ]

Are you still gonna go for it here, then? Cuz I might need a lawyer soon and that'd actually be pretty convenient.

2/2

[handycapable]

But just to clarify, no, not because I committed I crime.

[cigarbribery]

No, I'm thinking of becoming a butcher. [He shakes his head, huffs out a laugh.] Of course I'm going for being a lawyer again. I wouldn't be asking if my qualifications still carried over if I didn't.

...so what did you do?

[handycapable]

Well you might still be making up your mind, I don't know! I'm sure that some of the people who ask those questions have to think it's not worth all that extra time.

[ Then, with a sigh: ]

Got run over by an ambulance...?

[cigarbribery]

Unfortunately for me, I do.

[There's a silence, during which Foggy just stares at the camera like he cannot believe what he's hearing. Then he sighs, and massages his temples.]

Is there any record of this? Like surveillance footage, or something like that. [He hasn't started digging into the network in earnest just yet, he doesn't know there's already a video up.]

[handycapable]

Good thing we all got nothing but time, then, I guess. Least for now. [ He almost laughs. ] And boy, is there ever. Lemme see, how do I...

[ It takes Ray a couple of moments to figure out how to link or embed said video, but he does so before too long. ]

Don't laugh.

[cigarbribery]

...oh my god.

[He's trying his hardest not to laugh. Sure, he's a little horrified, but also this is actually funny? In a way that dumb college students getting caught on camera pulling stupid stunts that end in injury is funny and horrifying. Not that Foggy would know.

A cough escapes him. Suspiciously, it sounds like a stifled laugh.]

That's something. [A huff.] In my personal opinion, you should've watched where you were going. But, in my opinion as a lawyer? You could sue for damages—personal injury at least, and emotional distress on top of it. That happened on your first day, right?

Also, wow, that is a terrible first day.