video. shaaaarks

[h2bro]

[ hey, this is matt! he's 7ft tall, about 95% muscle and he's CURRENTLY WRESTLING A SHARK.

the feed opens up on this bigass man screaming and laughing at the top of his lungs while his pet shark squirms in his arms and gnashes its sharp sharp sharp sharp teeth in the air. matt and sharpedo are in the middle of his house in heropa, and the video shows matt staggering around with this neckless shark in some kind of headlock, both of them just banging into tables and couches and knocking everything over. things are breaking at an alarming rate. sharpedo is roaring and gnawing at his arm, matt is laughing and letting it happen, all scuffed and bruised and scraped and a little bloodied. he looks up at the camera, sharpedo grunting and snuffling over everything he's about to say, and he flashes a grin. ]

Yo!! I'm Matt. I like strong, interesting and funny people, so that's why I'm doin' a strong, interesting and funny introduction!!! [ he squeezes sharpedo, who boofs like a dog. ] Thinkin' about meetin' so many bros like that is HEATING ME UP INSIDE. Any of you wanna wrestle or go for a swim or fight or battle or CHALLENGE ME TO A SWEET, SWEET FLEX-OFF?! Any of you bros wanna learn how to LIFT LIKE A BEAST, BRO?! 'Cause I gotcha covered. I gotcha covered for ALL OF IT.

[ sharpedo writhes out of his grip and matt watches him flop onto the floor. he laughs. dumb li'l guy. he loves him so much. matt returns him to his pokeball. pokemon are great. ]

Comments

Voice

[namesaquestion]

[Oh. Yay. He starts paying attention to the network again and. There's another shark.]

...... Can that thing go mega too?

Re: Voice

[h2bro]

Oh, man!! One of you knows about Mega Evolution!?! Wauahaha! That's wild!!!

Hell yeah. My little dude here? [ he hugs the pokeball to his chest. ] Dudes a badass. He can mega so good, bro! Gets all these teeth on his nose and bites stuff real good! You wanna see?!

[drivesadesk]

I'd be totally up for a flex-off! Or a work out. We should work out together.

[He might be distracted by the muscles, and then he notices something.]

Hey, was that a pokeball? I think I know some people from your universe.

[h2bro]

Yesss!! Nice!! We gotta do it, bro!! [ Matt flexes his biceps for the camera. can you call those things biceps though?? they're, like, a badly drawn parody of what a bicep should be. they're like two small cars in his arms or something. this dude. ] I'm still tryin' to find a good gym in this place, but if you wanna just go to the beach and lift some weights or whatever, I'M THERE.

[ ah - the pokeball comment gets to him, though. there's only a couple of people from home he'd really wanna see right now, and one of them he's already seen and he knows the other isn't here. ]

... How many are there? 'Cause I'm itchin' for a battle, but I was a bit of a bad dude back home, so I dunno how many of 'em would wanna be my friends.

video;

[magmamia]

[just this face]

Do you ever stop? Is there an off button somewhere on that impenetrable head of yours?

Re: video;

[h2bro]

Nope! Hahaha.

[ this guy! matt and he go way back. he's really not sure what to make of him, or how to handle, uh, everything, so he's just gonna laugh a lot. he's just gonna laugh maxie into submission. ]

Hahaha. HAHAHAHA. AHAHAHHAHHHAHAHA

[Text]

[versusseeker]

[Did somebody say battle? Red is just about ready to flip on his video and do the whole dramatically-tugging-on-my-hat thing when he notices the big Team Aqua symbol Matt is donning on his chest.

[Reasonably, that makes him a little bit nervous. But, Archie had been the leader of Team Aqua and...well, just look at him now (he's a fucking mess). So, this guy probably wasn't bad anymore either, right?

[Just to be safe...]

team aqua
r u going 2 do anything bad?

Re: [Text]

[h2bro]

[ oh... oh no. matt shuts off his video feed and replies with text of his own. ]

SAEA,,M MP. UNN OTGNIGS TO DOI ANTYHING BDA.

[ ....... matt sweats. Maybe his fingers are too big to type things? Or maybe he just wasn't paying attention to what he was writing because he was worried about his reputation. archie's reputation. He knows Archie is here. If someone's worried about Team Aqua being bad, does that mean Archie's being bad in America? 'Cause if Archie's falling back on his old tricks after everything Matt just went through back home, that's REALLY gonna mess with him. He feels so guilty about the things he did for Team Aqua and if Archie's trying to hurt people again... ugh. he'll try typing again. ]

im not going to do anything bad

permatext

[deadtective]

Think you'd get more hits for this on grindr.

permaVID BACK YO

[h2bro]

Oh. Ohhh? OHHHHH? "GRINDR"? THAT'S AN AMAZIN' NAME, BRUH. So cool! So badass!!! SO HARDCORE. Bros grindin' bros!! That's what I need. Rggghhhh. I'm sweatin' at the thought of it!!

How do I do that? How do I get a grindr?

[ matt ]

text; username: warlock

[secondscythe]

isn't this some kind of animal cruelty?

[h2bro]

[ matt has to bend down to read the text, and he instantly just laughs once he gets through it. ]

Whaaat? Pffft. I ain't cruel!! He likes it, bro!! He gives back as good as he gives, anyway. That's why he's one of my very best friends in the world!!

You wanna have a go? Either one of us'll take you RIGHT NOW.

[ret2go]

You are a very large man!

[h2bro]

Huohhh!! Thanks, bro!!!! That's the best compliment you coulda given me!!!

I like your ears. Very cool! They're like FINS on your FACE. I got 'em, too, sorta. [ he points to the bright blue paint marks on his face, which absolutely look like shark teeth rather than fins but whatever. ]

video

[continuousgroaning]

No, but I'd gladly watch any flexoffs or wrestling or battles or swimming.

Re: video

[h2bro]

Oh, yeah? Haha. Weird, little bro!

[ not weird enough for him to say no, though! every little bro with a fledgling interest in physical fitness is an OKAY LITTLE BRO IN HIS BOOK. which is surely what this is about. ]

You got an interest in GETTIN' RIPPED SOME DAY, little bro?! You wanna get BEEFED UP?

video;

[heliophilic]

[M watches the entire video with a grin on his face. This is even better than he imagined.]

...This explains so much.

Re: video;

[h2bro]

[ haha, wow, what a weird thing to say!! matt just stares a bit and then gives a KILLER THUMBS UP. ]

Did I awaken somethin' in ya, bro? You got a HUNGER FOR SHARK WRESTLING ALL OF A SUDDEN? That's okay. I'll show you some moves.

video

[burlyboy]

Oh, holy shit! You're Matt!

Archie's gonna be so happy!

Re: video

[h2bro]

Aw, snap!! You know my bro, bro?! That's... that's. Uhh. Uhhhhhhh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

[ Matt isn't sure what to say! he and Archie are in a bit of an awkward place already, and he doesn't want anyone running to Archie to talk about him, so he just sorta stares. he's not a smart dude, he can't think on his feet. ]

... N-No. No, that ain't me! I ain't Matt. I'm - Batt. Like Crobat. That's a Pokemon? Archie's got one.

[ WAIT, FUCK ]

action

[h2no]

[so archie's first thoughtis that he's being robbed, because he's the only one that lives here and there's a bunch of noise coming from downstairs. his second thought is goddamn, he's glad he doesn't have a gun, because even the idea of aiming an empty one makes him want to puke. thirdly and finally: who the fuck is stupid enough to rob an import? again?

he rolls out of bed and downstairs, with only his cool pjs on and sends out crobat, who disappears into the back room, ready to strike if needs be. it's only by really, really good training that it doesn't immediately accost matt in excitement. archie stops, stares, drags a hand through his hair and squints, clearly not really parsing what he's seeing.]

What the fuck?

Re: action

[h2bro]

[ matt had been at the beach all night, sleeping either on the waves or in the sand just because being under the stars calmed him down in a way most things didn't. he hadn't really bothered to check out the rest of the rooms in his house after coming home? he just kinda busted into his living room and put up this dumb post on the network.

so he probably should've thought to check in on the roommate sitch before wrestling a shark and breaking all this shit. it's too early to scream like this if he's got roommates. but he didn't, so he's wrestling sharpedo again when archie walks in on him, and his mouth just kinda drops. those... those pjs. He's Into It he's confused about what archie's doing in his house ]

Uhh.

Uhhhhh.

[ he's been saying that a lot lately. ]

text;

[taraincognita]

holy shit r u archies big brother or soemthing

Re: text;

[h2bro]

WHYDE EVSOVRRNE KNWSDS ARCHE//

[ god he's gotta get used to typing on these things. he's gonna try again, slowly pecking one key at a time like the old man he apparently is. ]

why does everyone know archie
everyone knows him
why
is he doing bad stuff?

Video

[halloflamer]

[Flat faced.]

Friend'a Archie's, huh.

Re: Video

[h2bro]

Bro, I dunno where everyone keeps gettin' this dumb idea, bro! I'm my own bro, bro! I mean, my bro's my bro, too, bro, but this bro's as much of a bro to his own broself as he is to anyone else, bro!! You feel me, bro?!

[ ANGRY FACED. then very sad faced. he hopes he's archie's friend, still. it's complicated. ]

You, uh. You a bro of my bro, bro?

[ghoulking]

[ oh my god it's another one ]

That was interesting for sure.

Are you a Pokemon trainer too?

[h2bro]

[ aw yea, bro! drink in that recognition, matt! archie hugs sharpedo's pokeball close to his chest and nods about as vigorously as one giant, giant man with basically no neck can nod. ]

Yeah, bro!! Are you?! You wanna battle?! YOU WANNA BATTLE, BRO?! WE'RE GONNA BATTLE SO HARD, BRO! You ain't gonna even be able to handle me! I'm gonna TEAR YOU APART.

[ weird. weird. weird. matt's laughing hard, hands over his stomach, but then he just instantly deflates and looks very sad. that was quick. ]

Well... come to think of it, you probably ain't a trainer. There aren't many around here... s'kinda lonely. Poor Sharpedo...

video

[cannotrest]

[If only James Vega were here. Ashley is sure he and Matt would be best friends.

[But James is not here. It's just her, in a sleeveless top, the green light rippling from circuitry in her skin making the camera lose and regain focus.]

So how exactly do you judge a flex-off, anyway?

[Though she normally tries to cover up the glowing skin, she can't resist a good flex.]

Re: video

[h2bro]

[ Matt would have loved James, for sure - the pull up competitions, the nicknames, all of it - but Ashley's got some sweet guns, too, and they're glowing and that's radical and Matt's already screaming in delight, clapping a hand on his bicep and flexing his arm, eyes fixed on this woman in just complete and total awe. ]

Raaaughh!! Bro! Bro! There's only one winner in any flex-off worth its salt, and it's the one bro that stays standin' the longest! You gotta flex so hard, the other person ADMITS DEFEAT. Or freakin' dies. Probably dies.

You up for the challenge, bro?! YOU UP FOR THE CHALLENGE?!