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maskormenace2017-11-10 05:55 pm
maskormods) wrote in maskormenace2017-11-10 05:55 pm
THE MAJORITY REPORT: NOVEMBER 10TH, 2017
ACE IN THE HOLE
As seen on Instagrahm, Bwitter, Rumblr, and the official TMI blogosphere
Following on the heels of other dogs-with-blogs, imPort Ace has finally arrived onto the Insta-sphere! The humorous adventures of Nonah's newest celebrity pup (#adeptace) is available for everyone to follow and re-gram across the web. However, no one seems to know just who's running the popular feed.
When approached for comment, owner Terry McGinnis said, while slamming the laptop in front of him shut, "Do you really think I have the time to run an Instagram for my dog? I don't even have one for me."
"It's probably a zealous fan," Iris West, who was sitting beside McGinnis, chimed in. "Either way, it's great to see just how many people love Ace."
With reaction faces for just about every situation, Ace's new-found popularity will only go above and beyond.
BE-CAUSE-METICS
As seen in fashion magazines, on Nonah and De Chima billboards, and in newspaper print ads:
SWEET COSMETICS, as advertised! You don't want to miss this offer: a buy one, get one free special!
COLD AS ICE
As seen in TMI, celebrity gossip magazines and blogs:
Shocking photos from a private imPort birthday bash for Doctor Jonathan Crane show self-advertised ‘anti-villain’ Leonard Snart arriving with an unexpected plus-one: professional imPort malcontent (and malcountent) Count Dooku. ImPort watchers can only speculate as to why Leonard is spending time with a man who is estimated to be at least forty years older than him. Does he have a secret appreciation for silver foxes? Does this mean the love between Leonard and imPort hottie Mick Rory has gone cold or is Leonard cheating? Uncool! Stay tuned for more exciting details!
CRIME ME A RIVER
As read in the television adverts and Troo Crime directory:
Troo Crime, the leader in television about all things true crime, has released thirteen episodes of a brand new show called THE LOST. Each hour-long episode takes a look at terrifying unsolved cases throughout the past century and calls in experts to discuss the possible motivations that hid behind these unknown killers.
Most notably, it has succeeded in recruiting notoriously private imPort Will Graham to lend his thoughts and detective prowess. Critics have praised the series and its usage of the soft-spoken, scarred, former FBI teacher from another world. Internet speculation has sprung up over whether or not that otherworldly viewpoint might make him capable of solving some of the more recent unsolved cases. Despite the fact he has several worrisome quotes throughout the series (including flat lines such as "Cannibalism is something of my field of expertise") and at one point spends the entire episode with a small, ugly dog resting in his lap, he's certainly become an unintended fan favorite.
So of course the network has announced that a six-episode series featuring Will Graham is in production and will be ready to air in the new year. Keep an eye out for it!
BAETTLE READY
As seen on all social media platforms, but especially Bwitter:
A reminder to citizens of Maurtia Falls to go out and vote for mayor this upcoming Tuesday, November 14th. Polls open from 9am and close at 9pm. Your candidates are current Mayor Tony Cardelli and imPort Ambassador Petyr Baelish.
If Baelish does indeed ascending to mayoral status, then the Maurtia Falls Ambassador position will open for elections once he steps down.
A FORCEFUL DEBUT
As heard on the most popular podcast platforms:
This week, new arrival Kanan Jarrus released the inaugural episode of his podcast, "ImPort ExPort". Beginning with a brief introduction of himself, he stated that, "I wasn't sure exactly what I should talk about, so I decided to talk about what I know: The Force."
Listeners were then treated to a brief explanation of this "Force", apparently an energy field that connects all living things. Jarrus went on to explain that the "Force" has a light and a dark side, always seeking balance. He discussed what he called "Force users", groups he calls Jedi and Sith, the Jedi light-siders who serve peace and justice and protecting the innocent, and Sith, dark-siders who serve the forces of hate and fear.
He explained that evil forces in his own world have made the Jedi fugitives and discussion of the Force illegal, and said that he's "glad to be in a place where I can talk about this stuff freely", and once again practice his beliefs and training as a Jedi Knight without fear of arrest or worse. He concluded with an exhortation not to give in to the forces of fear or hate, as well as a request for others to come on as guests of his podcast to discuss their own belief systems and philosophies. Jarrus signed off with, "May the Force be with you."
JUSTICE MARCHES ON
As seen in Maurtia Falls, Nonah, De Chima news:
Authorities have closed the recent case regarding abducted, murdered, and gruesomely displayed women that cropped up throughout October. Several investigators were sent to the Hotel Castile in Maurtia Falls on suspicions that the hotel owner was somehow involved, only to find that he'd left clues quite literally all over the place. The hotel was dressed up as a haunted house of sorts. Only forensics quickly found that many of the bones and skulls on display were real and put the hotel in lock down until they could properly assess the damage and numbers. Staff is currently being questioned about anything they may have seen and it appears the owner, one imPort by the name of James Patrick March, has either met his own grisly end or been taken away from this world at convenient timing.
"We thought it was just a few remains at first, but we kept finding more that tested real," said Chief Officer John Crow. "It's a lot. I've never seen anything like this. We're going to be pulling walls down and breaking open the basement; we're having scent dogs and out-of-state investigators flown in for help. So far we have at least a dozen different people having met their end in this hotel, and I wouldn't be surprised if that number doubled. We're going to keep an eye out in case this James Patrick March returns, so the public can rest better now. We're not letting that sick bastard back on the streets so easily."
If you have any information relating to these serial murdering crimes or James Patrick March, you are encouraged to come forward and offer it up. Anything that leads to a solid identification of his victims or where the man is, should he return, will be met with a monetary reward.
CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from OPTIMISM PRIME to DRAGON BURNT ORANGE.
WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.
Voice
[Pointedly ignoring that Jedi nonsense also included in this report. You think you can out-podcast Count Dooku, Jarrus?]
Voice
Voice
[And it won't hurt Dooku at all to have a friend in City Hall.]
Voice
[ Unless they're shady... ]
Voice
[There are so many Falls citizens who are indebted to or even enthused with the status quo, after all.]
Voice
[ Petyr says with a laugh. ]
Maurtia Falls does need someone who stands for progress. We cannot allow things to become stagnant within this city for I believe that is the reason it has become what it has.
Voice
Voice
[ Baelish had yet to find someone to support. So perhaps he could support one of Dooku's potential candidates. ]
Voice
Voice
[ Baelish sounds delighted. ]
He is also a friend of mine, and one I've always thought would make an excellent ambassador.
[ And so Dooku's and Baelish's political agendas align. ]
Have you perhaps planted the idea in his head to run?
Voice
Not yet. I could certainly raise the possibility with him, but in truth I doubt it will be necessary. He is nothing if not ambitious.
Voice
Voice
[ He paused for dramatic effect, before... ]
Going on a date with a guy half your age? How scandalous.
[ He is enjoying every minute of this. ]
Voice
Voice
[ No there isn't, but he can't let go of a good opportunity to rag on Dooku. ]
I'm sure you make a very lovely couple.
Voice
Voice
What do I have to be frustrated about? I've got plenty of something-something.
[ You can practically hear the wink-nudge in his voice. ]
Voice
Voice
[ He came to a sudden, screeching halt. Wait, if Dooku didn't know, then he shouldn't be telling him. ]
U-uh... oh look at the time; gotta go bye!
[ HANGING UP NOW. ]
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what just happened
Dooku knows Adachi left his post during the Swear-Out, but blessedly not what for.]
Voice
[Not that it's true, but hey. He's just saying.]
Voice
[ Sorry, but that was funny. ]
I suppose you could have picked worse. At least Dooku actually makes the gothic-cape-look actually work.
Voice
[Well, honestly. He's not about to deny that for a geriatric man, Dooku has it going on.]
Makes me feel young too.
Voice
Feel young, hunh? Maybe I should go out with him the next time I'm reminded how old I am.
[ He's so kidding; there's no way in hell he would, but it's worth it for whatever reaction he gets. ]
Voice
[It's very halfhearted protest, admittedly, the smirk is audible.]
Hands off my man.
Voice
Whoa, whoa, tough guy. He's all yours.
Not Here
Voice
[Jacob's so pissed he's not even talking about how great Ace's Instagrahm is.]
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voice;