[ANONYMOUS TEXT]

[shadowglitter]

[ in the middle of the night, an anonymous text hits the network. ]

hi.
i know this is an inopportune time, given all the memory stuff and the fire that just happened, but i have a question.
people who are in love, or have been in love in the past, or have a crush right now or are being crushed on or are otherwise deep in the throes of any of the other many shades of romance:
what's it like?
how did you first realize what those feelings were?
what's it like being around the person you're into? also also what's the person like in general?
and also what's it like being in a relationship and how did you first know you wanted to be in one and how long did you know the person you've got a thing for before you realized it was a thing?
also tell me other stuff about feelings, please.
please just use this as an avenue to scream about hearts and kisses and people or whatever.

thank you.

Comments

Anonymous Text

[versusseeker]

I've known him forever.
Things were going well for a while.
I was really happy.

It was worth it, I think.
Even if it doesn't work out.

I love him so much.

[shadowglitter]

[ that is-- bleak. odin tries not to rush into cheering this stranger up by screaming encouragement and waxing poetic about tHE LAMENTATION OF THE BLUEBIRD BEING NAUGHT BUT A TEMPORARY STOP WITHIN LOVE'S MANY ROLLING SONGS because. i mean. he'll give himself away pretty quickly. ]

are things, like, not okay between you and him right now?
that sucks, bro and/or sis and/or other.
i'm sure if you love him things are going to be ok.

what's going on? if you don't mind me asking.

[Text]

[notayoungman]

We've got bigger things to worry about. Stop wasting everyone's time.

[shadowglitter]

[ odin feels. guilty. when he reads this. and he considers not replying, but then HE REMEMBERS HE'S ANONYMOUS AND CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS HE'S A SHADOW-DWELLING SORCERER WHO LIVES ON THE EDGE ]

dont you have an ugly stupid butt to go look at
oh wait
you're already doing it
and it's your own butt
you're looking at your own ugly butt and you like it

[shadowglitter]

that sounds really good. all i've ever wanted to do is protect people, and to have such an overwhelming need to keep one person safe -
that sounds perfect, to me.
i don't know how that can be the worst.

are you in love? or do you just read a lot of books about it?
i read a lot of books about it too, if that's your answer.

voice; private; FORWARD DATED LIKE A MOFO pretend it's post memory event thx

[kanyounot]

Hey sorry about the voice - you can keep using text if you want, voice is just easier for me since I'm blind.

Anyway, I knew the minute I first met her she was special. It took me a while to realize just how special, though - I think real love happens pretty gradually. It's not sudden and wild like the stories always say. It's more like... comfort. Like finding a part of yourself you didn't even know was missing in the first place, and then you're...set. I guess. I don't think I had any particular moment where I thought, aha, I'm in love with her. I didn't notice it because it was too much a part of me, like breathing.

...That probably doesn't make much sense.

[shadowglitter]

[ given that this conversation is private, Odin's willing to give up a bit of his privacy here to (hopefully) make things a little easier on the blind guy, so he drops his text in favor of using his voice as well. he's self-absorbed enough to whine about romance when everyone's dealing with memory issues, but, like, he still likes when people are comfortable. ]

No, that makes a lot of sense. It's - really lovely, actually. That's the kind of love I've always hoped to have one day. Being with someone who makes me feel like I'm coming in from the cold.

Are you, um - is she here, I mean? Or - is she still back home?

anonymous as FUK

[crimeboy]

I only think I noticed it because it started to hurt my chest to look at him

And I wanted to see him smile and kiss his face and stupid stuff like that

but it super sucks because I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do or if I'm just being selfish. Or if I'm just blowing a little crush out of proportion.

I never question myself or my motives but I'm just so unsure

[shadowglitter]

oh... that sounds a little familiar, i think.
the chest hurting part.

i can't really say if what you feel is selfish or not, because like, i probably don't know you or whatever?
but i don't know how love can be selfish. i don't know how love can be "right" or "wrong", either - my understanding of love is that it's just something you feel.
feelings aren't wrong. they're just, feelings.
i mean ok if you're secretly a serial killer and he doesn't like serial killers or something you might not want to date him. which like, i get it. that'd be pretty bad.
but.
i think if you're anything like the other imports i met, any of the sins that burden you aren't defining of the man or woman or other that you are.
kiss that boy up. carpe the seizey

i guess you've probably already talked to him about this stuff. maybe you haven't.
but i think communication is good.
you should communicate.

text; id: spectre-2 ; private

[phoenixleader]

i don't think there was an exact moment that i knew i loved him
we'd been together for years, and flirted with the idea of being together
there was... i pushed him away for a higher purpose

but force, i look at him now and its like i would do anything to make sure he's safe
i love him
whatever the odds we face, i want to face them with him, for better or for worse

[shadowglitter]

[ he recognizes the use of "force" like that - is this someone from poe's world? his heart skips a beat, actually, when he wonders if this might be poe, but obviously it's not. obviously. ]

you look at him now - that means he's here with you? i hope he is.
it sounds like you're both genuinely good for each other in a way not a lot of people in relationships are.
like,
like you're made for one another, maybe. to have this much love in you just from being around him, even after you've been together for so long.
i'm super jealous and hate you a lot.

how long have you been together, do you think?
the, like. romance-y part.
like how long were you just together before you were Together With A Capital T?

private; video

[14words]

Odin, I assume this is you. If you do not wish to confirm I understand but I am... concerned.

[shadowglitter]

[ geh, he knew this would happen eventually. he's just glad pucci found him instead of someone who would make fun of him. he stubbornly sticks to text. ]

why are you concerned

text;

[looseleaves]

Um!
I don't know if it's really love yet... but I've been thinking about it?
Liking someone that's the same gender as you is kind of... ah, it's not very okay? In my world.
Actually, I don't even know if I should be liking anyone at all.
I might also like... more than one person?

So... I guess when I realized what these feelings were was when I arrived, kind of?
Ah, this is a mess.
Should I start over?

[shadowglitter]

oh yeah? i think that's kind of the same boat as me - "i don't know if this is love but i'm thinking about it".
it's a new and kind of daunting feeling, and it's hard for me to know if it's real or not because i feel... reflections of this whenever i'm excited to meet someone new.
"they're really cool, i hope they like me!" - that kind of excitement fuels my relationship with a person when i first meet them, and i always daydream about maybe, like, being liked back, in that way. if that makes sense?
i don't think it does.
nevermind.

but bigotry is awful and i understand. i and many of the people i care about have suffered from similar social plagues.
i hope you know that people here are much more accepting.
you'll be ok, whoever you are as a person.

text

[fehus]

why do you want to know? if that's not super personal to ask.

[shadowglitter]

[ OH NO IT'S MAGNUS!!!!!!!!! odin stands up in his room and runs around making small panicked shouts until he realizes he's anonymous and hasn't been caught out. haha PHEW ]

i'm just trying to work some stuff out i think.
i also think maybe it would be nice if people talked about the things that made them warm, and happy, which i think is what love is supposed to do.
things have been hard for a lot of people, especially since that house thing, and it would be nice if we all collectively remembered the things and the people that we live for.

super anon

[deadtective]

I've dated people in the past, but nothing really serious. Just flaky high school stuff.

But my dad used to pull the newspaper up so no one could see him sneaking a kiss from my mom, like that was gonna fool anyone. And I knew someone who died and waited in the living world for twenty years just to make sure her son was alright.

So I guess that's love.

But this shit's more suited for Dear Abby than the network. None of us assholes here are well-adjusted enough to fucking know about that garbage firsthand.

Re: super anon

[shadowglitter]

i have no interest in locating nor interrogating this mythical woman of legend, "the abby".
i am a poorly adjusted person with terrible self-esteem and garbage emotional issues spiralling from every orifice at great, torpedo-like speeds.
it only makes sense that i turn to my peers.

your parents sound like really sweet people. i love my parents, too.
and i think a part of me relates to the woman you know who died.
is there any reason you haven't been in love for real, do you think?
like is it an active choice because everyone sucks, or is it because you're just the worst and nobody likes spending time with you?
or something sadder?

TEXT.

[bragnificent]

[ Reading answers to some of these questions might be helpful to Reggie. Or even providing answers! So naturally: ]

if I had to guess, love makes people into idiots
good call on posting this anon bcuz wow
tmi

[shadowglitter]

this is maybe the least embarrassing thing i've posted on the network, honestly.
my bullshit knows no bounds. this is smalltime, son.
i just wanted to give people privacy, and encourage them to be anonymous if they felt like it too.

i'm already a big big idiot though so i'm intimidated about the love thing.
i don't think i can set anything else on fire without being arrested by SOME form of government

text;

[lempereur]

I am hopelessly in love. What is it like?

I feel warm and protected, like I can persevere through anything because I know that they will be there to hold me up.
My chest feels tight, and my breath feels short, and I feel like such a fool, but like I might truly be myself, for the first time.
Like I would never forgive myself if anything happened to them, but I am not afraid to show them my weaknesses, and flaws.
Like when I kiss them, everything else but thgst warmth ceases to exist.
They accept me and want me the way that I am, when nobody else ever has.

I could go on, if this is in any way helpful.

[shadowglitter]

that's
those are some big feelings to put out there.
you're braver than i am.

when, um, did you first fall in love with them?
have there been any, like,

[ he struggles to put what he wants to ask into words. the Big Question he's been wanting to ask someone since he started this post. ]

like,
um,
problems, with like, getting it started? like,
when you confessed or whatever, or when they confessed or whatever, was it okay? or, like,
bad?
also:
you can go on if you want.
even if it doesn't help me with my own feelings or anything it helps me with my writing.

anon;

[heisenbitch]

It's like heroin
Warm, comfortable, blows your mind
Gets right into your veins, takes over your every thought
You can't think about anything else
Life is perfect and satisfying, even if everything else is falling apart around you
You'd do literally anything for them because just being around them is like a warm, blissful high
It's like you're in a bubble soaring high above the clouds and nothing and nobody can burst it
Withdrawal is the most painful thing you'll ever go through

[shadowglitter]

i don't think i know what heroin is,
but it sounds scary.
all-consuming, something that gets in your brain. if it's anything like that i think i understand the comparison.

withdrawal makes it sound, um,
like things haven't gone well for you, or that the person you're in love with isn't here.
i hope you haven't had your heart broken.
are they back home? the person you love.

[itistolaugh]

okay so first of all this is the cutest thing ever

how does this person(s) make you feel?

[shadowglitter]

i! totally! didn't! say! there! was! a person! to make me feel anything.
i'm just finding out about love and stuff, maybe, i don't know.
also i lied just now? through omission? there's totally a person who makes me feel a thing.
god, i tricked you so good. you and all other powerless mortals are fucking worthless in the face of my brilliant two-faced tricksterhood. such a good liar.

um,
but, i don't know. i could talk about that for a long time and i'm scared of giving myself away.
i guess i'll just say they make me feel confident. and happy, and also wanted?

text

[h2no]

it's intense and doesn't always work out
you both gotta be committed
the important thing with love is that you have to stay realistic, even if it's hard to do so and you want to just give up everything to be with them

[he finds this surprisingly negative when he's done typing it out, but... everything with matt taught him a lot.]

[shadowglitter]

[ he's pretty sure any potential romantic partner he might have in the future would be unable to stay committed to him. he is pretty overwhelming and people need breaks from him, he thinks. he'd always wanted that whole be together with one person forever and ever husband and wife thing, but archie's kind of pushing forward that stark reality that someone has to like you a whole bunch for that to work and he's not sure he'll ever get that. ]

that is
depressing.
i don't think a committed relationship where i have to keep a clear head to make it survive would work for me, for a variety of reasons.
i'm not a realistic person and i'm not good when things end.
i've got this idealized version of love in my head and half of the replies i'm getting to this are backing that up and half of them are warning me to stay grounded?
it is confusing and hard.

/this idiot can't be anonymous even if he tried

[bestpirate]

It's like drowning, mate.
Every time you think you've escaped, it drags you back down into the murky depths of your heart.

It hurts you, chokes you and damn near kills you with every pull.

It's dangerous. Too dangerous but we all seek it. All we want in life is to be loved but so often it turns into pain.

i love this badly anonymous sea-faring idiot

[shadowglitter]

drowning would be an ok way to die i think.
i nearly drowned a little while ago and i think it's better than being like shanked in the gut with a sword or whatever?
i guess this is only tangentially related to your sad and uncomfortable warnings about love literally murdering my face though.

are you in love? or like, have you been in love?
i've been in love with characters in novels but i don't think that counts. also sometimes they're novels that i've written myself?
like sometimes i'll write about a hot knightly swashbuckling super-warrior megafox and i'll be like, yeah, nice, you're the kind of person i want to date.
but it is not the same.

text; anonymous......but is it really??

[herrstory]

Love is a myth made up by advocates of monogamy, religion and celebrities to mask this feeling for what it truly is. Procreation. Consummation. The desire to put your genitals within another person's genitals.

Or somewhere else on their person.

The feeling you have is simply because you want to repeat such an act with said person.

[shadowglitter]

no, that can't be right. we're fucking all the time!
the gods of penetration have already looked favorably upon my Parts of Love, and they have smiled, nodding unambiguously as they guide me towards fair waters.
also, that's really depressing and i hate it?
i don't want to think my parents, who loved each other so much, lived entirely to spin one another's breasts in various erotic directions.
they loved each other for real and it was great.

also!
i know like 5 people who aren't religious or monogamous or even physically intimate and they're getting DOWN with their HEART-BONERS!

[slightlyoffchilt]

I'll admit, I was a skeptic regarding love. I have intimate knowledge with the neurological causes, you understand, the chemical and hormonal inflection of certain stimulation projected onto another.

But chemical assault or not, it is a transporting experience. Transformational. Transcending. There is a certain shining clarity that comes with sole focus committed to another human being, especially when that clarity is entirely soaked in dopamine.

[shadowglitter]

i don't think love needs to be something spiritual or impossible to explain for it to have worth.
i'd like to believe in fate and soulmates and all of that stuff,
but if, in the end, all we are are electrical pulses and chemical surges and things like that - so be it?
to put less value on the warmth and happiness we might feel when we're in love with someone just because we can explain why we feel that way - i mean, that's stupid.
i don't know a lot about science or whatever but i don't like the idea that it can only coexist with a bleak outlook on reality. understanding something doesn't make it bad.

anyway.

are you in love with someone right now do you think?

ano-- hah no jk

[poreiavian]

Anon?
Love is bullshit.
Don't even bother.

[shadowglitter]

[ oh cool this is what he wanted. this is what he wanted. cool. cool cool cool cool cool cool. ]

really?
that's bleak.
you don't find any worth in being cared for and accepted in your entirety by a person who thinks the world of you?

text;

[hardboyled]

[Each one of these sentences is sent in a seperate text because Boyle has no self control when it comes to texting. srry.]

Love it beautiful!

Ignore the haters

its powerful and overwhelming!

But just the best feeling ever.

all warm and fuzzy and comfortable

And!

You'll never stop thinking about them

and how much you love them

Are you in love, anon???

;)

[itistolaugh]

YES YES YES THIS IS RIGHT

( anon )

[fettering]

it took me a while to understand feelings in general tbh bc with my upbringing i wasnt really taught about stuff like that
so i think i was probably in love with him a pretty long time before i worked it out
on one hand, it kind of sucks bc it's not like that for him and im a stand in for the person he actually loves
but i dont really mind?
hes given me more than i would have ever had otherwise and hes been good to me
and if i can do this thing for him, im happy to do it, bc hes made my last years good
that sounds weird ig but i just want him to have something good in his life too
even tho thats not me

[shadowglitter]

that's rough.
i can't really judge your relationship or anything, but you sound kind and caring. maybe a little too willing to give up your own happiness for the sake of another person's, but - that generosity shouldn't be abused or gone unrewarded.
i think it would be nice if you were loved for the person that you are, and i hope this guy, um, realizes that soon.

but at the same time,
i think if i was deeply in love with someone who gave me the world, but they weren't in love with me?
i think if i could make them happy even just as a distraction then i'd go for it, partially out of a want to make them smile and partially because i'd want their affection in whatever form that took.
but i also straight up think it would suck huge butt.

text;

[bespin]

[ sup hey it's that Lando guy again. you know, the one you were warned was a sleemo? the one who takes darkness and violence way too seriously? yeah. him. ]

Can't say I've ever fallen for someone in a way I'd call your traditional idea of "love," but I've had people I've been partners with.
(Not sexual partners. I've had plenty of those but that's not what I'm talking about.)
I mean, more than just friends or allies. Someone who has your back completely, no matter what crazy messes you get yourself into. And someone you'd go to the end of the galaxy to save if he was in trouble. That kind of partner.
That's something like love, if you ask me. It sure as hell doesn't happen every day.
When you find somebody like that, you have to hold onto them. Even when they tell you to let go, even when they say they know what's best for you, and they aren't it. Never let them out of your sight, because you never know when they'll be taken away from you.

[shadowglitter]

oh - yeah.
that's something i can understand a little better.
i had people who ran through fire with me. charged into hell by my side, standing shoulder to shoulder. i'm not the type to get homesick, but there are times when i laugh at something funny or i find something i think those people might be interested in seeing, and when i turn to talk to them about it, i realize they're not there.
that's a kind of love i understand.
it's the tummy butterfly one that turns everything into fluffy fuzzerstuffs that i don't quite get.

are any of your partners here?

[Anonymous Text]

[whitefox]

She was very sweet if naive, and much too enthusiastic about things she did not and could not possibly understand. I was incapable of reciprocating the feelings she had developed for me and that complicated things.

We grew apart. I believe even now that it was for the best.

A word of advice. Regardless of your feelings, do not rush blindly into some romance. There will be enough pain should your relationship succeed without introducing unnecessary conflict.

Of course, I have never settled down with anyone. Perhaps I am not the best judge when it comes to matters of the heart.

[shadowglitter]

is there anything you or she could have done to prevent your relationship from ending the way it did?
i mean, obviously, if she hadn't those feelings, or at least if she hadn't confessed them, things might have been different -
but do you think there would have been a way to remain close even after you rejected her?

but okay.
that is some good albeit bracing advice.
feelings are the worst.

text;

[blacktemper]

[Kurama probably took an extra ten to fifteen minutes to show him how to switch to anon, but fuck that noise. hiding's for chumps.]

if you feel weak and useless
thats love
once you realize it then you can stop it

NOT HERE

[whitefox]

[In all honesty, Kurama shouldn't be surprised.

He taught Hiei the basics of using the communicator so that, if he wished, he could do more than contemplate selling the device for money at the nearest pawnbroker.

But to think this is how he would choose to make his first appearance on the network...]

[vanto]

Feelings seem way too complicated. That's all, I think.

[shadowglitter]

ugh, yeah.
that's how i feel.
this is my first foray into these particular feelings and it's overwhelming. no amount of romantic theatre shows could have prepared me for this.
there's far less dramatic soliloquying about the moon than i'd hoped. just a lot of self-doubt and anxiety.