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[khajidont]

[ When the screen turns on, there's your good old-fashioned neighbourhood Jaime, who looks completely normal save for the snake he's got draped around his neck. He doesn't exactly look thrilled about it, but he doesn't look scared, either. Mostly, he just looks kind of silly, on account of the fact of him having -50 cool points, and the snake having +50 cool points. It's evened him out to a neutral level of cool. ]

So, uh... a bunch of people got ported out recently - or in the past few months, anyway. There was Tara and Beast Boy first, then Klarion got ported out, and he's been here for years. Maybe us old guys going away is just a thing that's happening these days. But I think most of you who knew them already knew they'd gone missing, only now Diablo's gone too.

[ He's sadder than he thought he'd be about it. His tone and expression are both placid, even, but it feels like another connection gone, one he didn't know was so strong in the first place. ]

Annnnnnd he left Malina here behind - and, just sayin', Mako's not too thrilled about it. Does, um... anyone know anything about how to take care of snakes? All I know is that I got a bag full of dead mice in the freezer.

[ Diablo promised he would never have to feed her, but now he's proven himself to be a filthy liar. He looks down at the snake. ] We cool, Malina? [ Malina does not do anything. He stares down at her. ] Okay, yeah, I have no idea how to tell when she's feeling literally anything. She just kinda wiggles.

[ Help. ]

Comments

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[shittywizard]

[ There's no one on this video feed but a giant black snake, as if to say: look, I know what I'm doing, my snake is cool. ]

Don't let her eat your neighbors. That's all I got.

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[khajidont]

I mean - her mouth isn't big enough? Is that, like, an actual issue with yours?

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[drivesadesk]

I don't have any experience with snakes, but I definitely have experience with how to keep a reptile alive.

[See: self.]

If no one else takes you up on the offer, I could take care of her.

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[khajidont]

I'll, um... keep that in mind. No offense or anything, but it seems wrong to give her to someone who didn't know Diablo. Like, I owe it to him to take care of her myself.

But I could definitely use some tips. Google told me a gajillion different things.

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[darkpants_warmfeeling]

That's a long list. Makes you wonder how the Porter decides who goes.

[Jacob knows how losing a lot of familiar faces can be. Speaking of which:]

So Mako's not okay with the snake?

[The dog is the important thing here.]

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[khajidont]

I mean, it goes in trends, right? Guess it makes me wonder which one of us is next.

[ WHAT HAPPY CONVERSATION, let's talk about mako ]

Let's just say she's not thrilled. She was okay with her while Malina was staying in Diablo's room, but I can't keep her in there forever - someone else is bound to move in eventually.

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[h2no]

[it's probably for the best he doesn't immediately reply with video like he usually does before the original post has even finished playing; so many people archie had been fond of are gone. this idiot legit has to stop himself crying for a moment.]

i'm not a snake expert but i can for sure heal it if anything ever goes wrong
though i'd imagine caring for one isn't too different from an ekans or arbok back home...

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[khajidont]

[ crying's for losers, WE REPRESS LIKE MEN ]

Thanks for the offer! I hope I never have to contact you though. So far all of the animals I've taken care of have been healthy and I'm planning on keeping it that way.

Those are snake Pokemon right? They don't seem like they're THAT different.

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[reexamined]

How big is "Malina"?

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[khajidont]

Uhh, not as big as they can get, but she's no garden snake. She's about - man, I'd need a tape measure or something to figure out how big she is. Maybe three feet long?

Does it matter?

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[flowerette]

I don't know a thing about snakes, unfortunately. But it has been troubling just how many people who have been here for a long time have vanished recently.

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[khajidont]

I know, right? I always tell people that the longer you're here, the more likely you are to stay, and statistically? That still holds, just because of how many newbies get ported out every month.

I guess it makes sense that all us old guys would get ported out at around the same time too, but... I dunno, it's weird. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

action ha;

[lempereur]

[ Yusuke is here. Watching. Drawing the snake. And Jaime too, by association, but be very assured that his googly-eyed adoration is on the snake. ]

Are you going to need help with her?

action!!

[khajidont]

Maybe! I'm not, like - her skin shedding stuff's cool, I don't mind holding her or cleaning out her tank or whatever, but the mice.

[ Jaime's not being a very good model, on account of the fact that he's grimacing, holding onto the very end of the frozen mouse's tail and looking hideously guilty about it. ]

Ugh. Okay. I'm doing it. Heyyyyyyy, Malina... you want this mouse corpse, huh?

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[magnitudes]

Maybe you oughta contact one of them reptile enthusiasts. Mosta my experience with snakes is either leavin' 'em be, or this one time I got bit 'cause I was trying to keep it from chasing after my uncle's dog.

( Ah, memories. )

I mean, hey, love 'em during a mouse plague. Can't get enough snakes during those, I tell you.

Re: video.

[khajidont]

We live in a city! When are we gonna have a mouse plague?

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[beaky]

I assume there is no obvious logic to how the porters work - it just does? People just come and go without reason. Very unfortunate.

I have a friend who knows a thing or two about reptile care. I could ask him for some advise for you?

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[khajidont]

There are trends you can follow. But it only really makes sense on a macro level, if you're just looking at numbers. When you're living with it, there's no way to predict it.

And hey, the more advice I can get, the better! Most I took care of back home was a goldfish.

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[eloquentness]

I'd ask what kind of guy would keep a snake lying around, but also... [ completely seriously:] you sure you can handle it?

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[khajidont]

Yeah! I mean, probably. I'm not scared of her or anything - [ okay, mostly ] - but I've never taken care of a snake before, like, for real. [ He helped tend to the tank a couple of times for Shinji when he was out of town, but never anything huge. ]

Diablo's just a snake kinda guy. Tank tops, tattoos - [ looks like a gangbanger ] - that kinda thing.

[slightlyoffchilt]

This comes as something of a... Surprise.

[khajidont]

Diablo leaving, or the snake?

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[fridgeflower]

That idea's always... I mean, if you discuss possible port-out trends, you remember that it's probably inevitable, and, whoops, now we all need therapy again.

Not that I'm saying you can't state the facts. It is what it is. I don't really know what I'm getting at.

[ ANYWAY... ]

Find any snake lovers yet?

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[khajidont]

What can I say? I like keeping numbers. Which, like, a therapist would probably get a field day out of, but I'm not seeing one, so sucks to be them, I guess?

[ THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS AT ALL. ]

A couple snake lovers. But I don't really feel right just giving her away, y'know?

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[ghoulking]

I'm sorry that friends of yours left, Jaime.

It looks like old faces are vanishing.

[ Video ]

[khajidont]

Thanks, Ken. It's okay, it... happens. If I tell you you get used to it, though, I might get yelled at again.