maskormenace | [VIDEO]

[The communicator blinks on, revealing the face of a reasonably handsome blond man in navy blue and blindingly gold spandex, wearing – are those orange sunglasses? What year does he think it is? How can he possibly think that looks cool? Whatever the case, he’s obviously impressed with himself. He’s grinning broadly, clearly aiming for dazzling but winding up somewhere on the border between cheesy and embarrassing.]

Goooood afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Booster Gold’s the name, and I’m coming to you live from Wherever-We-Are-I-Didn’t-Catch-The-Name-Sorry, Florida! You might remember me from my many thrilling exploits – please, feel free to ask about those – or, slightly more recently, from the third season of Celebrity Dance-A-Thon. You probably don’t have that here. Don’t worry, I’ll give you the highlights. I didn’t learn to samba for nothing.

[There’s a brief hesitation, and he takes a few steps to the left, where the lighting is better. It really shows off his hair. That seems to have satisfied him. God, how is anyone this shiny?]

And before you ask, yes, I do sign autographs.

[Another gleaming smile. He must floss like a madman.]

Oh, yeah, and does anyone know where a guy can get a drink with a tiny little umbrella in it? First answer gets a free photo-op with yours truly. Don’t say Booster Gold never did anything for you.