[VIDEO]

[you_tried]

[The communicator blinks on, revealing the face of a reasonably handsome blond man in navy blue and blindingly gold spandex, wearing – are those orange sunglasses? What year does he think it is? How can he possibly think that looks cool? Whatever the case, he’s obviously impressed with himself. He’s grinning broadly, clearly aiming for dazzling but winding up somewhere on the border between cheesy and embarrassing.]

Goooood afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Booster Gold’s the name, and I’m coming to you live from Wherever-We-Are-I-Didn’t-Catch-The-Name-Sorry, Florida! You might remember me from my many thrilling exploits – please, feel free to ask about those – or, slightly more recently, from the third season of Celebrity Dance-A-Thon. You probably don’t have that here. Don’t worry, I’ll give you the highlights. I didn’t learn to samba for nothing.

[There’s a brief hesitation, and he takes a few steps to the left, where the lighting is better. It really shows off his hair. That seems to have satisfied him. God, how is anyone this shiny?]

And before you ask, yes, I do sign autographs.

[Another gleaming smile. He must floss like a madman.]

Oh, yeah, and does anyone know where a guy can get a drink with a tiny little umbrella in it? First answer gets a free photo-op with yours truly. Don’t say Booster Gold never did anything for you.

Comments

[glowsferatu]

Well, there you go then. And if he told you that getup was a legitimate option, then he was hardly the kind of consultant I meant.

[you_tried]

Well, it's not like he approved so much as he eventually stopped complaining about it and moved on to other things...

[glowsferatu]

Maybe he wasn't so bad, then.

Tell me, if you're so accustomed to being in front of cameras, just how do you combat the prominent glare?

[you_tried]

Maybe I just have an intuitive sense when it comes to perfect lighting.

[glowsferatu]

Not from where I'm standing. I'd wonder if you even own a mirror, but you give the impression of being someone who spends a great deal of time looking into them. Which is only more confusing.

But I suppose ostentatious can be defined as "someone who wants others to look at them as much as they do themselves."

[you_tried]

There's totally no way I'm gonna win this one, is there?

[glowsferatu]

Given that I currently lack the resources to correct the offending garment, unfortunately no. But I think it would be a win for us all if you wore something better.

[you_tried]

Okay, okay, you've made your point. Jeez, this is The Florida that Time Forgot, not Project Runway.

[glowsferatu]

Unfortunately, I have yet to determine which channel they've put Tim Gunn on here, if any. But, in my experience, those in your profession could use the second opinion more often than they seem to receive it.

[you_tried]

Oh, so this is a public service.

[glowsferatu]

We all have our own methods of heroism. You do...whatever is it you expect to be doing, I'll save the onlookers from having their eyes burnt out from the glare.

[you_tried]

You're too generous. Really.

[glowsferatu]

What's there for me to say? I'm a giver.