[VIDEO]

[you_tried]

[The communicator blinks on, revealing the face of a reasonably handsome blond man in navy blue and blindingly gold spandex, wearing – are those orange sunglasses? What year does he think it is? How can he possibly think that looks cool? Whatever the case, he’s obviously impressed with himself. He’s grinning broadly, clearly aiming for dazzling but winding up somewhere on the border between cheesy and embarrassing.]

Goooood afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Booster Gold’s the name, and I’m coming to you live from Wherever-We-Are-I-Didn’t-Catch-The-Name-Sorry, Florida! You might remember me from my many thrilling exploits – please, feel free to ask about those – or, slightly more recently, from the third season of Celebrity Dance-A-Thon. You probably don’t have that here. Don’t worry, I’ll give you the highlights. I didn’t learn to samba for nothing.

[There’s a brief hesitation, and he takes a few steps to the left, where the lighting is better. It really shows off his hair. That seems to have satisfied him. God, how is anyone this shiny?]

And before you ask, yes, I do sign autographs.

[Another gleaming smile. He must floss like a madman.]

Oh, yeah, and does anyone know where a guy can get a drink with a tiny little umbrella in it? First answer gets a free photo-op with yours truly. Don’t say Booster Gold never did anything for you.

Comments

[attractedtodarkness]

I'll live.

[you_tried]

That's very charitable of you.

[attractedtodarkness]

You're welcome.

So what kind of superpowers do you have, Mr. Gold?

[you_tried]

I'm glad you asked! The list is long and exciting, but it includes flight, super strength, wrist blasters, forcefields, perpetually great hair, and a winning smile.

[attractedtodarkness]

[oh god is this guy for real?]

Wow that's pretty impressive.

[you_tried]

Well, y'know, I don't like to brag.

What about you?

[attractedtodarkness]

Nothing special. I don't plan on using them.

[or talking about them]

What job did they give you?

[you_tried]

What, are they super lame or something?

And I'm the, ahem — Advertising Spokesperson-slash-Mascot for Heroic Merchandise and Paraphernalia! So someone here has heard of me.

[attractedtodarkness]

More like I don't want to be a hero.

[Did he just say mascot]

They gave us a whole file. I think it's obvious they know a lot about us.

[you_tried]

Which is totally creepy and weird, but pretty much par for the course, I guess.

And hey, good for you. The whole teen superhero thing is pretty much the world's worst idea. Never ends well. Just say no.

[attractedtodarkness]

How is that even normal?

I'm probably going to have to register just to have a place to stay. They thought about everything.

[you_tried]

The whole thing is pretty thorough. Still, it seems like they mean well.

... Ish.

You know, relatively speaking.

[attractedtodarkness]

For a bunch of kidnappers, right?

[so much sarcasm]

[you_tried]

I'm just saying, with this stuff, you usually expect some kind of superpowered gladiator battle to the death or something.

[attractedtodarkness]

[Booster sure knows how to make a girl feel better]

Who knows. If people like you show off enough power, they'll back off.

[you_tried]

Or maybe we can all sit down and talk it out like rational adults.

[attractedtodarkness]

You're no fun.

[you_tried]

This is me being optimistic.

[attractedtodarkness]

Whatever you say.