maskormenace | [video] a valentines themed promotional video (brought to you by the shameless cast)

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[video] a valentines themed promotional video (brought to you by the shameless cast)

[ Greetings, friends. Remember when Mickey said he was selling guns? Yeah, he's still doing that, but now, with a building and less so out of the trunk of his car, PLUS one (1) actual employee. So here he is, in said building, walls behind him lined with weaponry and sundries. ]

You wanna know what really says "I love you and I give a shit if you get capped on some sketchy gangland corner of Maurtia Falls" for Valentine's Day?

[ wait for iiiiit ]

A gun.

[ Or knife, or machete, or sword. They've started carrying some swords too, because they know some of you are ancient fucks and can't handle the idea of catching up to the rest of the world, so there should be some wall in the background with gear more that speed (the speed of a horse drawn carriage). Anyway, back to his sales pitch. ]

Yeah, I know you're all superheros and shit, but some of you fuckin' suck at it, and some of you got the crap end of it with bullshit powers like, I dunno, talking to squirrels or some Disney princess crap. Is a fucking squirrel gonna keep your girlfriend, boyfriend, side piece, whatever from getting mugged? Hell no. [ This place is ridiculous and he hates it. ] Point is, we got Valentine's Day sales going on over here at Southside M&G Armory, so come by and pick up a piece at discount prices.

[ Mickey's about half way through giving the address for the shop (somewhere in Heropa, handwave, la de da), when the distinct hiss of a spray can coming from somewhere off to the side draws his attention, both his attention and the camera of his phone turning in it's direction. There stands: Carl Gallagher, at the sales counter, spray painting a shotgun pastel pink, with a couple others in red and white and purple lying nearby. It's seasonal, ok? ]

Goddamnit, Gallagher, I told you to do that outside, dumbshit! Do your brain cell murder huffing on your own time, away from my merchan--

[ aaand the video cuts. apparently this ad is over. ]

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Hey, what's up, Magnus!

[ Carl grins broadly, pulling down the goggles he's wearing so they hang loosely around his neck, his hair dusted faintly with spray paint. He sets the paint down, reaching for one of the guns that's already dried and cocks it demonstratively. ]

Check it out: purple magnum. Want me to set it aside for you?

No, thanks, I'm good. But cool paint job. Isn't paint flammable, though...? Aren't guns full of fire?

[he's laughing]

You sure? It's a pretty good discount. And we're using non-flammable paint.

[ Fabric paint, technically, so how long it'll actually last on a gun is probably questionable at best... Carl squints for a moment, though, picking up one of the paint cans and reading the label just to double-check. ]

Also waterproof, non-toxic, and safe to wash and dry. [ A beat. ] Though I wouldn't recommend it.

You mean you don't put guns in the washing machine?

[is he joking? is he not joking?]

[ Just, this face. ]

I was thinking dishwasher.

Fuck it, why not on top of a sprinkler.

-- Wait, I know why not.

[ Carl nearly chokes, he laughs so abruptly at that. ]

Dude, what the fuck are you picturing? It's not like it'd be loaded!

I'm picturing the world's deadliest slip'n'slide.

So like slip n' slide meets Russian Roulette? I think you just invented a new sport!

I think it'll uninvent itself after it's first round.

It'd be a lot harder than it sounds to make that actually work, anyway... cuz even if you did put a gun on a sprinkler, you'd still have to rig it up to fire automatically. Be easier to just slip n' slide in a bad neighborhood.

[ Carl pulls his goggles back up, disappearing off-screen for a few seconds before he reappears holding a cardboard box and a box-cutter, blade out. He starts cutting up the box so he can flatten it to lay out on the floor, continuing the conversation without missing a beat: ]

Sure your boyfriend wouldn't like a pink gun for Valentine's? Cuz if I was a gay soldier that'd be my shit.

Um. Uhh.

[he blinks, clearly caught off-guard, because... uh, he's not sure he and Alex do Valentines Day? he hadn't even thought about it. fuck?]

-- Alex does like pink weapons, but he uses a garrote and his own hands, mostly. [shrug] Modern weapons don't really work on demigods. I've lived through landmine explosions and machine gun fire. ...Got anything more D&D?

[ Carl tilts his head in thought, dropping the cardboard to the ground to stomp it the rest of the way flat with his foot. Man, what the fuck must that be like? Carl's been in military school for a hot minute, sure, but he hasn't actually thought a lot about being in active combat. Let alone dying in active combat.

He doesn't like that train of thought, so rather than focus on it for the time being, he just retracts the blade on the box-cutter and grins, suggesting: ]

How about a pink crossbow?

[ Do they even carry crossbows here yet? Carl's not sure, but it'd probably only take him about half an hour or less to get his hands on one in Maurtia Falls anyway, so. ]

Hoooly Sif you're a fucking genius, Gallagher?

[Magnus' thoughts are not nearly so dark, despite literally just talking about surviving explosions; c'est la... mort]

He'd love a pink crossbow. I could probably make those clay shotputs for him, too, or whatever they're called. Birdies? Fuck, I don't know shit about sports or shooting or crossbows, but it's fine. This is an awesome idea even if I have no clue if we're even doing the whole V-Day thing.

Edited 2018-01-29 11:41 (UTC)

[ "Genius" makes him grin, once Carl can tell Magnus isn't being sarcastic. ]

Don't worry, with something like a crossbow all you need is something to shoot at. Paint a target somewhere, line up some bottles... anything you want, you know? Just keep it simple. But I can get you one, no problem-- and for a good price, too.

[ A beat. ]

Why wouldn't you do something?

I'll take one. Start spray-painting. Your tackiest flamingo pink, please.

[Magnus leans back, looking quite happy; he's also at work. which is to say, he's loafing around in the nurse's office at the gym, waiting for somebody to tear something]

[the question turns him vaguely clueless looking again, as he puts a sneaker onto the desk to tie it]

-- Um. I dunno. It's the first time it's come up? I dunno if he's interested? We've never talked about it? [finishing his knot, he rubs a hand through his hair] -- Maybe this is supposed to be obvious, I dunno. He's my first boyfriend. Slash girlfriend, he's trans and genderfluid.

[his nose scrunches in thought as he leans back against his chair]

Which might contribute to the punk rock anti-V-Day feelings. It's a pretty straight-ass holiday.

You'll have it in one week or less.

[ Still grinning, Carl gives Magnus a quick confirmatory salute, before his own expression also proceeds to level off a little blankly the more Magnus elaborates. Almost sort of blue-screens, in fact. ]

Wh... [ He feels like he understood maybe half of that? ] I always thought the point was just to give each other gifts, fuck all day, then go eat some fancy dinner somewhere or something. I mean what's there to talk about?

[ Carl's brows knit slightly more. ]

So wait, he's both? ... She's? He? [ He's so confused, yet curious. ] Cuz of the shapeshifter thing?

[Magnus finds the salute incredibly endearing, as well as the simplification of Valentines Day. maybe Carl's right, and he's overthinking things? it wouldn't be the first time]

[ -- oh. but maybe he simplified something else a bit too much. it's been luck of the draw, really, that he tends to talk to Carl on "boy" days, for Alex]

No, not 'cuz of the shapeshifter thing. That doesn't have anything to do with anything, except how he can like, turn into a cat and take a nap in the sun, or turn his hair green.

[he's leaning forward again, explaining pretty calmly]

He's just transgender -- um, doesn't identify with his assigned sex, a lot of the time -- and genderfluid. Which means sometimes, it's a boy day, and sometimes it's a girl day. His gender isn't like, fixed. It's fluid. [he makes a sort of wavy back and forth motion with his hand] So sometimes he's my boyfriend. Sometimes she's my girlfriend. -- Get it?

Not really, no. [ Shaking his head. ] But as long as he... she? still likes crossbows and bare-knuckle boxing, then I guess if we ever meet each other it shouldn't be that big a deal.

[ Carl's not really sure at the moment if it'll ever make any more sense to him, but he's also at a stage in his life where he's okay with not understanding everything-- at least right away. It's the "fluid" part that's really throwing him, like-- what actually changes? Personality? Interests? Junk...?

Well, shapeshifter... ]

Anyway, I'm not so sure I really get full-time girls most of the time either.

He turns into a silverback gorilla to box, careful throwing down challenges.

[It's a little absurd how fond he sounds of this fact]

I'm not so sure I get dating most of the time. You got any "full-time" girls back home?

[ That makes Carl laugh, although he's not entirely sure if Magnus is serious or just fucking with him now; either way, gorillas are always funny.

Then he shakes his head again. ]

Nah, not since the last one cheated on me. My military school's all boys. [ And, shrugging his shoulders a little: ] Dating is pretty confusing, yeah.

That sucks. I'm sorry somebody pulled that on you.

[a pause, before;]

No full-time dudes, either?

Edited 2018-01-29 20:36 (UTC)

Shit happens.

[ Carl would be lying if he tried to pretend he wasn't still a little hurt over it, even if enough time has passed that the wound isn't particularly raw anymore. The thing he did for her... well, in the end he'd still done them on his own volition, so he can't bring himself to blame her in a way that ever seems to stick.

He's a little thrown, but in a helpfully distracting way, by the next question. ]

Uh... no. I dunno if I could ever get with a dude. [ Which is not to say he hasn't been curious about it, but... that's nothing he's about to say within earshot of Mickey, who's just been getting warmed up throwing shit at Carl. ] I like eating pussy way too much.

[Magnus looks up and offscreen, for a moment, then bursts out laughing]

-- You just scared off my potential patient with that. Ahahaha. I feel like "I'm not talking to a cam boy" won't make him come back. Uh. I guess it's fine...?

[he gets up (enjoy the close-up view of his hoodie) to peer down the hall, but eventually sits back down]

That's fair, anyway.

What?! No shit!

[ Maybe Carl should feel more badly about that, except it's maybe the fucking funniest thing to happen to him all day. He leans closer to the screen once he stops laughing himself, then cups one hand to the side of his mouth to shout: ]

--AND IF YOU WANNA GO AGAIN THEN YOU GOTTA PAY ME FOR ANOTHER HOUR, BITCH!

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