[video] a valentines themed promotional video (brought to you by the shameless cast)

[gentrify]

[ Greetings, friends. Remember when Mickey said he was selling guns? Yeah, he's still doing that, but now, with a building and less so out of the trunk of his car, PLUS one (1) actual employee. So here he is, in said building, walls behind him lined with weaponry and sundries. ]

You wanna know what really says "I love you and I give a shit if you get capped on some sketchy gangland corner of Maurtia Falls" for Valentine's Day?

[ wait for iiiiit ]

A gun.

[ Or knife, or machete, or sword. They've started carrying some swords too, because they know some of you are ancient fucks and can't handle the idea of catching up to the rest of the world, so there should be some wall in the background with gear more that speed (the speed of a horse drawn carriage). Anyway, back to his sales pitch. ]

Yeah, I know you're all superheros and shit, but some of you fuckin' suck at it, and some of you got the crap end of it with bullshit powers like, I dunno, talking to squirrels or some Disney princess crap. Is a fucking squirrel gonna keep your girlfriend, boyfriend, side piece, whatever from getting mugged? Hell no. [ This place is ridiculous and he hates it. ] Point is, we got Valentine's Day sales going on over here at Southside M&G Armory, so come by and pick up a piece at discount prices.

[ Mickey's about half way through giving the address for the shop (somewhere in Heropa, handwave, la de da), when the distinct hiss of a spray can coming from somewhere off to the side draws his attention, both his attention and the camera of his phone turning in it's direction. There stands: Carl Gallagher, at the sales counter, spray painting a shotgun pastel pink, with a couple others in red and white and purple lying nearby. It's seasonal, ok? ]

Goddamnit, Gallagher, I told you to do that outside, dumbshit! Do your brain cell murder huffing on your own time, away from my merchan--

[ aaand the video cuts. apparently this ad is over. ]

Comments

video

[fehus]

Speaking as a Disney princess who soulbonds with squirrels or whatever this advertisement is fucking wild? Um. Wow.

-- And I mostly just wanna say hey Carl. Hey, Carl!

video

[gentrify]

Yeah, okay? You're welcome? [ You don't look like a Disney Princess, you look like a hipster. But Mickey keeps that to himself. T A C T . ]

So come buy a gun so you don't die. You can talk to Carl all you want then.

Re: video

[fehus]

Uh. I'm already dead and bulletproof. I'm even sort of anti-hunting? The sales pitch is creative and I love it, but, I'm really not your target market.

How else are you making guns romantic? Besides super sappy mugging stories and pastel colours.

video

[thirdstrike]

Hey, what's up, Magnus!

[ Carl grins broadly, pulling down the goggles he's wearing so they hang loosely around his neck, his hair dusted faintly with spray paint. He sets the paint down, reaching for one of the guns that's already dried and cocks it demonstratively. ]

Check it out: purple magnum. Want me to set it aside for you?

ACTION.

[thirdstrike]

God, whose stupid idea was this, anyway?

[ No really... whose? It's the kind of brilliance either of them could be capable of. Carl's already set his paint gun aside and pulled down his goggles in order to reply to Magnus, so now he just puts one hand on his hip and makes an exasperated gesture with the other. ]

I mean, I did put down newspapers. Can't you just prop the door open or something?

[gentrify]

[ let's be real, they were probably high when they thought it up. ]

Yeah I trust you to spray within the lines as much as I trust Liam to color within the lines. Hell, I don't even trust you can piss straight.

[ if you weren't already brain damaged, carl, you are now with all those fumes and no ventilation. either way, he goes over to the door to prop it open, because he'd also rather the merchandise doesn't leave the store. ]

You know how much carpet replacements costs? 'Cause you're gonna if any of that crap gets on mine.

private to either/both of them

[devoutish]

Is this being legally done?

[Sup kids, have a Genuine Cockney Gangster who's hoping the answer is yes - not because he has anything against the illegal selling of weapons, but because people openly advertising their illegal gun sales might end up bringing unwanted attention to his illegal gun sales. #priorities.]

private

[gentrify]

You know, when I showed up at the bank to apply for the lease, that was exactly what I told them - I want the building so I can cash out on my illegal guns right in the middle of a military town. Didn't seem like they had any problem with it.

[ That, of course, is sarcasm. Not that he isn't also making illegal gun sales on the side, but that's very, very on the side. Far from the business proper. But the tone drops, and he gives the more honest answer. ] Yeah, man, it's legal, I'm not a moron.

text

[shadowglitter]

QUESTIONS!!!!!

- Is there a limit on purchases per customer? I mean, I want, like. Barrels of guns. Every gun. Like your entire armament of guns.
- Are all they all pink and red and white and stuff or can you paint one of them, like, gold for me?
- ARE MANY OF THEM CURSED AND IF SO TO WHAT DEGREE AND SEVERITY

text

[gentrify]

- limit's how much you got the money for and if you pass Florida laws for gun ownership
- only a few are pink/red/white, and yea we can do gold
- uh no we dont roll w that bullshit here

[ what even... whatever, money is money ]

Re: text

[fehus]

what would a cursed gun do

not shoot?

text

[thirdstrike]

i'll paint it whatever color u want man
gold
silver
fucking tie die
racing stripes

[ Someone misses tagging just a bit, clearly. ]

[video]

[cigarbribery]

[They have a license to operate at least? He hopes. He just squints a little at the screen, and the sheer variety of weapons on display, and because Foggy's a lawyer whose main weapon lies in his words, he's just more than a little bit unnerved by it.

But, y'know, can't interfere and all.]

What happened to just buying chocolates for your date?

[video]

[gentrify]

[ for the first time in his life ever, Mickey does actually have a license to sell firearms, hallelujah. It hasn’t much changed his approach to selling, or his outlook on what someone does with a gun, but it’s a step up from the south side projects. ]

If you wanna stick to unoriginal and cheap, whatever, man, your funeral.

Permavid

[governorkang]

Finally, a human that understands what a proper gift is. You can't go wrong with a good-quality blade.

[gentrify]

Nothing’s thoughtful like practicality is.

video;

[heisenbitch]

[ Pastel pink shotguns. Wow. Being spraypainted by a kid. Wow, Mickey. ]

Wow. Gay ass looking shotguns. Romantic.

video;

[thirdstrike]

[ Carl cocks one of the guns, though mostly to make sure the paint doesn't dry anything together in a way that sticks and limits functionality. ]

We're just painting them, not fucking giving them fake balls.

Video;

[fingerchewing]

I like talking to squirrels.

Video;

[thirdstrike]

Oh, hey Justine.

[ He pulls his goggles down so they hang around his neck again, smoothing back his paint-dusted hair and trying not to smile too dopily. Probably failing, though. ]

Ignore him, he doesn't know you already got something better than a gun, which is me as a trainer. Plus you're packing all that super strength-- what muggers are gonna stand a chance against that?

Re: Video;

[gentrify]

Well. That’s great, and completely missing the point.

[Private - Text]

[d33tached]

I don't suppose you might have any selections in green?

[He, personally, thinks this is a wonderful idea - but he doesn't exactly understand Valentine's Day color schemes.]

[Private - Text]

[gentrify]

we can. carl's been starved from tagging, he can color this shit however u want

hows it hanging btw

[morethan084]

I didn't think it was possible to make guns sound romantic, and you've just proved my point that I'm right.

[Either way, it got her attention and that's the whole point, right?]

[video]

[calltheundertaker]

[Well, whatever other reactions you're getting, this one gets a grinning round of applause from what looks like an honest to god cowboy. With one metal hand, so it sounds a bit funny but hey, what can you do?]

I ain't gotta a sweetheart, but if they end up bein' the kind that like pink guns, I'll make sure t' bring 'em by.