maskormenace | (no subject)

Yes. It's...a horrible feeling. [Anakin senses the turbulence and he turns his head to kiss Kylo's cheek. I'm here. Whatever has happened, I'm here.] Hux felt pretty powerless too from what I gathered. You're important.

It's not something I am used to. Being missed.

[ He can't help the surge of fondness, twisted at the edges as it is by the memory of the other Hux- the one who was never brought here, and the storm inside quietens slightly at the evidence of his grandfather's persisting acceptance- though it still feels strange, like attempting to communicate in a foreign language.
He draws back, inviting Anakin in. With Hux having retreated to the bedroom, they are alone- and there, laid neatly, carefully on the coffee table, is Anakin's lightsaber.
Kylo's hard-won trophy. ]

Has it happened to you? Being taken from here, and then... replaced.

It's something you will have to get used to with me. [He certainly isn't going to allow a little awkwardness to stop him from showing him the affection he has missed out on and sorely deserves. They are too alike and Anakin doesn't want Kylo to follow him on his Dark path.

The lightsaber is secondary, but he looks down at it as he moves inside, perplexed.]

No. Not yet. I mean...it could. [Shrugging, he bends down to pick up the weapon.] Where did you get it?

[ His lips press together for a moment- he is absolutely determined to find some way to prevent Anakin from being taken. But that can wait. ]

I lost it, before. In the fight where I was wounded.

[ No, he has to go back further. He realises, then, how little of his story he has actually told Anakin. Anyone. He vaguely recalls feverishly confessing some of his sins, but... ]

I should have told you. Before. I see that now.

[ He gestures to the couch. They might be here a while. ]

The organisation Hux serves. The First Order. I belonged to it though my... teacher. Snoke. He took me as an apprentice, when it became clear I was no Jedi. I don't believe him to be Sith, but his power... he was capable of things beyond anything I believed possible. He was the one who saw my potential. Trained me. Shaped me.

He told me about you. About the Lord of the Sith you became. Vader. He believed me to be your heir. That I could attain your power, even surpass it. And I- I wanted it. I believed it. I did... everything he asked of me to claim that strength. To cast off the lies of the past and inhabit my destiny. Anything that tied me to the failure I had been before. It had to be cut out. Everything.

[ His father. He takes a steadying breath. ]

It was the only way to become what I had always been meant to be. Do you see?

Right. I never really asked you about it. [Because it had seemed less important than spending time with his grandson. Anakin has often been blinded by family - or blinded because of family - and Kylo is no different in that regard.]

We spent our time doing other things. [He doesn't regret not asking. He hadn't wanted pain to be part of the equation, but now... It's impossible to avoid. Shrugging off his coat, he sits down and rests his arms on his thighs.]

I don't know if I like this Snoke. [He does see and therein lies the problem. Leaning back, Anakin thinks through his next words.] Vader shouldn't have an heir. What he did... What he does is...

It's nothing to aspire to, Kylo. [He is ashamed he let things go so wrong.] I don't remember anyone by the name of Snoke. He was likely using you for your power. With or without him, you would have become stronger.

Snoke found the boy I was. When I was lost. Betrayed. Afraid of myself. Fighting to be something unattainable. When he promised me freedom from that struggle--

[ He shakes his head, growing frustrated at his inability to explain himself. ]

My reasons don't matter. None of it matters. We have both put our trust in teachers who sought to use us. We have both... killed for them. You don't need me to tell you what Snoke is. You know.

[ It's useless. The longer he thinks on the Galaxy he has been plucked from, the more fogged and confused he feels. He hasn't been free from Snoke's near constant manipulation of his mind long enough to see it all clearly yet.
If it were anyone else, he would never be willing- but perhaps it would be easier if he could give his grandfather the memories, rather than trying to translate them in words. ]

Help me show you, like you showed me, before? I will share it with you. If you can see.

They matter to me. [Anakin speaks softly, firmly, understanding dawning on him when Ren continues.] You killed him.

[Yes, he knows what sort of monster Snoke was and why he had to die. Just the thought of Palpatine makes his blood boil. His hands clench and unclench, fingers curling against the fabric of his pants.]

Kylo... [Like hell is he going to let anyone hold sway over his grandson's mind! He isn't sure how he can help, but he trusts Ren completely. Without hesitating, Anakin grabs onto Ren's hands, remembering to be gentle with his mechno-arm.] Breathe... Relax... Go back to the moment you wish for me to see.

[Closing his eyes and falling into a meditative state, he opens himself and reaches out, curiously probing at the other man's mind.]

[ Kylo's not used to being on this side of the equation- not consciously, anyway. His mind is a cacophony of fragmented, scrambled, racing imagery, and he has very little control over what he opens up for Anakin to see, skipping chaotically from thought to thought- but he offers no resistance to Anakin's presence.

He stumbles first into a memory of himself as a boy, struggling to meditate. Luke lays a hand gently on his shoulder in encouragement, and Kylo recoils violently from the memory, whirling on--

A fight in a forest. Snow. His red blade crackling against blue.

He wakes with the certain knowledge his life is in danger to the hum of a lightsaber. Everything is illuminated in green.

His thumb hovers above the trigger, and he can't press it. He can't do it. He can't.

He is on the walkway, begging his father to help him. Anything, Han says. Anything, and Kylo ignites his lightsaber, driving the crackling blade right through his father's chest. His eyes widen- his hand reaches out for his son--

He's kneeling before his master, saturated with despair in the wake of his failure, and Snoke mocks him. Laughs at him.
I’ve given everything I have to you, Kylo says, angry and broken. To the dark side.
Snoke already knows. All he's interested in is stripping away Kylo's last defence.
Take that ridiculous thing off, he orders--

Take off that mask, his father demands. They are on the walkway again, deep in the belly of Hux's weapon. You don't need it. Kylo knows what is coming. What do you think you will see if I do, he hears himself say.
But he can't face it. Not again. He doesn't want to be here, he wants--

--There it is, Snoke is saying. He has cracked Kylo open, split him to the quick, and he knows it. You have too much of your father’s heart in you, young Solo. You are no Vader. You are just a child in a mask.
Kylo hates him. Fears him. Snoke sees his mind, his every thought...

He sucks in a shuddering breath and attempts to gather his focus.
The scavenger girl. Rey. He wants Anakin to see her- but the first image he draws out is not the one he wants. He is interrogating her. He has no idea of what she is, yet, and she hates him. Hates him so violently. He's drawn to it.

She calls him a creature in a mask. She calls him a monster. She tells him he's afraid-- that he will never be as strong as Darth Vader.

She stands in the snowy forest, defiant and furious, holding Anakin's lightsaber. She holds it again later, in Snoke's throne room- they are back to back, fighting off Snoke's guard together, the bottom half of Snoke's corpse still seated on his throne.

They are in an elevator, racing up to Snoke's throne room, where he will deliver her to his master.
She tells him she knows there is still light in him.

Guards lie scattered over the floor. They have been separated in the ferocity of the fight, and he is caught in a choke hold, disarmed, struggling for his life.
She sees him. And he feels it. She wants to save him.
She throws him her lightsaber. Anakin's lightsaber.
And he still hears her voice, the last thing he heard before being brought back to this reality.
She calls him Ben, and Kylo opens his eyes, gasping. His grip on Anakin's hands is impossibly tight. ]

[The images are powerful and Anakin is transfixed by them. He stays very still, his brow furrowing. It is perhaps unsurprising that, as the memories end and he opens his eyes, his first question is:]

Who is this...Rey? Why did she have my lightsaber? [Especially when she called Kylo - and him - a monster.] Is she family?

[That would explain her power, though there is something about her that he doesn't recognize. He doesn't feel the same pull he has with Kylo.]

I'm glad Snoke is dead. You don't need someone prying into your mind and using your weaknesses like that.

[ It takes Kylo a few breaths to centre himself, and he's relieved to hear Anakin speak. He hadn't been certain he'd be able to see anything coherent with the way his thoughts are racing. ]

She's nobody. A scavenger girl from nowhere. I don't know how she found your lightsaber, or how she gained her power. Only that it was... destiny. That she would strike me down with it. And save my life with it.
Snoke believed it would be Luke who would... face me. Become my adversary. Like he had once been for you. For Vader. He believed it was my destiny. I believed it.

[ He shakes his head. ]

But it isn't Luke who is the Light to my Dark. And she-- there is a darkness in her. You saw it- you must have. Light in me, Dark in her. We have a connection. If I can convince her to join me- she could help me. I know she could. We could discover a new way. Together.

We could salvage something from the ashes.

[It's good that Anakin likes racing in all its forms, then! His senses are quick and perceptive - thus he has no trouble keeping up with what Ren reveals.]

Destiny... [That word leaves a sour taste in his mouth and his lips twist.] You can't rely solely on it. If she is your adversary, you know what you need to do.

[His eyebrows raise and he blinks.] Is that...what she means to you? Your foil? Kylo I've tried to tell you that...your Darkness...your Light...they can be cultivated by you and your choices. Everyone has a little bit of both anyway. Don't rely on her if you can't trust her.

I've been... alone. For a long time. And so has she. We're the same. Linked. She was abandoned and forgotten. Like I was. I know if I can get her to see it--

[ He offers Anakin a slight smile- he can feel his grandfather's concern for him.
He hadn't spoken to any of them about Rey, partially because he had felt certain they would side with her against him.
Leia, certainly. Han, he didn't know. Luke... Luke would choose the Light, eventually.
But Anakin? He'd hoped he would fight for him. It's strange and wonderful to have the evidence of it. ]

If she chooses to side against me, I won't let her destroy me.

[It hurts his heart to hear of Ren's loneliness. He would do just about anything to alleviate it; to encourage his grandson to take a better path. Maybe he should be grateful for this Rey. Right now, he's on the fence and opting to be wary rather than welcoming. Ren is too precious to risk.]

Either she sees it or she doesn't. Over time, her powers will grow - just like yours. You'll either have the best ally or the worst enemy.

[He shifts uncomfortably.]

Don't take the risk. You're...not alone. I know you can't see me, but I'm not far.

[ Kylo watches him for a moment. He's seen something, felt something--
His grandfather's old, constant fear, of losing those he loves. He's been so focused on his own experiences he almost missed it.
He doesn't, now. ]

Anakin.

[ The name spoken in his voice is still a little strange to his ears, but somehow, deliberately using it as a choice seems important.
Names have a great deal of power. He knows this.
And for his grandfather... Darth Vader is a spectre that haunts him powerfully.
He settles his gaze very steadily on Anakin's. ]

Grandfather.
I'm here. We are both here, together.
If she is brought here, I promise you. I will contact you before meeting with her.

And I will find a way to remain here. For both of us. For Padmé.

[Hearing his name surprises him, giving him a handle on his mounting fear. He smiles suddenly, softening so he can solely focus on Ren. His grandson. Stars, it's amazing that he can speak like this to his grandchild.]

Yes, we are both here. [And that is something to celebrate. Let the future come in its own time.]

We will find a way to stay together. I don't care if it's on this planet or a thousand others. Kylo...

I'm sorry. [He squeezes the other man's shoulder.] I'm really glad you're back. Whatever you've gone through -

We'll figure it out. That's what a family does.

[ There's a surge of grief that slams through him at the word family- but he nods, breathing in deeply. ]

Somehow, yes. We will have to.

[ Which reminds him... ]

I had a message waiting for me, on my device. When I arrived here.
From Han.
He invited me for lunch. I think I am going to go.

Hm? [His features tense before he smiles slowly.] I think you should. Just...

If you feel...upset...put an end to it. I know that's what Leia would do with me.

No. He came to see me and- I told him, grandfather. I told him what I did.

[ He breathes out, meeting Anakin's eyes as if searching them for something. ]

I thought he would be angry. But he- [ he pauses, swallows. ] He's a good man. You should give him a chance.

How did he take it? [Does he need to start punching? He knows he can outrun Han. ~~Having legs makes a different.~~]

So he accepted you? [Huh. Han, that's impressive.] Are you giving him a chance?

He took it better than I would have done.

He told me... He told me I was his son. [ The weight to that... it's impossible to overstate. He swallows- the surge of emotion difficult to control. ] He said he wanted- to help. To do right by me. And he meant it.

I know it won't change it. What happens, in the future. But if he wants... his son. Here. Then while I am here... I want it.

I don't think I could be angry at Luke, either, if -

I'm impressed. [Maybe Han isn't such a bad choice for Leia - not that he gets any say in the matter whatsoever.] Supporting you would be the first step. If he's willing to do that, he's a better man than I thought.

[He takes a steadying breath.] I want it for you too. But if he hurts you, you know I'll have something to say about it.

Grandfather. [ A slightly... reprimanding tone? A firm one, at least. ]

The worst he can do is deserve the death he will face in the future. He needs no further threats of punishment.
I want you to give him the chance he is giving me.

Hurt is inevitable. For both of us. But there is nothing for me to lose. Even if a time comes where he cannot see past the darkness. At least he will have seen... me. His son. As a man.

[He grits his teeth, his jaw clenching.] I think all fathers are wary of their daughter's husbands. I don't hate him. I just don't know him as well as you do.

[Luke talks about Han so fondly too.]

Kylo, you're more than Darkness. I'll help you see that here...and in the future. Somehow.

[ He nods. ]

I know. And I no longer believe everything that is not the darkness must be eradicated. It's as fruitless and futile as attempting the opposite.

But I cannot deny the Darkness in me. It lives in me. But it is not... all that I am. I am more.

You won't succeed. [So it turns into a constant maddening goal that is never ever completed.] There has to be a balance. If you notice the balance tipping in one direction, you add weight to the other side.

You are.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

I apologise for the sheer length of this......

<3

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject