maskormenace | (no subject)

Hm? [His features tense before he smiles slowly.] I think you should. Just...

If you feel...upset...put an end to it. I know that's what Leia would do with me.

No. He came to see me and- I told him, grandfather. I told him what I did.

[ He breathes out, meeting Anakin's eyes as if searching them for something. ]

I thought he would be angry. But he- [ he pauses, swallows. ] He's a good man. You should give him a chance.

How did he take it? [Does he need to start punching? He knows he can outrun Han. ~~Having legs makes a different.~~]

So he accepted you? [Huh. Han, that's impressive.] Are you giving him a chance?

He took it better than I would have done.

He told me... He told me I was his son. [ The weight to that... it's impossible to overstate. He swallows- the surge of emotion difficult to control. ] He said he wanted- to help. To do right by me. And he meant it.

I know it won't change it. What happens, in the future. But if he wants... his son. Here. Then while I am here... I want it.

I don't think I could be angry at Luke, either, if -

I'm impressed. [Maybe Han isn't such a bad choice for Leia - not that he gets any say in the matter whatsoever.] Supporting you would be the first step. If he's willing to do that, he's a better man than I thought.

[He takes a steadying breath.] I want it for you too. But if he hurts you, you know I'll have something to say about it.

Grandfather. [ A slightly... reprimanding tone? A firm one, at least. ]

The worst he can do is deserve the death he will face in the future. He needs no further threats of punishment.
I want you to give him the chance he is giving me.

Hurt is inevitable. For both of us. But there is nothing for me to lose. Even if a time comes where he cannot see past the darkness. At least he will have seen... me. His son. As a man.

[He grits his teeth, his jaw clenching.] I think all fathers are wary of their daughter's husbands. I don't hate him. I just don't know him as well as you do.

[Luke talks about Han so fondly too.]

Kylo, you're more than Darkness. I'll help you see that here...and in the future. Somehow.

[ He nods. ]

I know. And I no longer believe everything that is not the darkness must be eradicated. It's as fruitless and futile as attempting the opposite.

But I cannot deny the Darkness in me. It lives in me. But it is not... all that I am. I am more.

You won't succeed. [So it turns into a constant maddening goal that is never ever completed.] There has to be a balance. If you notice the balance tipping in one direction, you add weight to the other side.

You are.

Snoke deliberately kept me in torment. To use me. I never had a chance of finding a balance before.

[ He looks at his grandfather carefully. Curiously. ]

What will you do? With the darkness. It is a part of you, too.

Then he's no different from Sidious. If either of them turn up, we'll show them our gratitude together.

[Lightsabers out. Anakin is unnaturally serious. He is remembering a certain conversation...

"I will do such terrible things."
"Yes. But it doesn't have to be that way. The choice is still yours to make."
"How?"
"The future, by its nature, can be changed."]

I have to remember what is right. I can't let myself not...feel. I can't be numb.

You're right. Killing him once wasn't enough.

[ Though... it really had felt very good. He can't help a little smile.
But it vanishes quickly as he focuses instead on what Anakin is saying. He nods. ]

If you touch the Dark Side. You have to do so knowing what using it will mean. The consequences of each act.

I think... for you. When you listen to the Darkness, you make a choice to silence the Light, because... it shames you. And then, when you reach for the Light... you try to crush the darkness. As I did. As I failed to do.

Perhaps both voices have value, all the time. I don't know.
But I will help you, if you want me to. You don't need to hide the darkness from me.
We can seek balance together.

No. Once was too easy. You deserve another shot.

[Seriously, he will hold Snoke down and let Kylo do as he pleases.]

You're absolutely right. Because once the act is done...you can't take it back. It's...final.

[Kylo has a talent with his words, Anakin decides. Shame is a very apt word.]

My pride led me to the Dark. I thought I could handle it. I thought I was powerful enough to control it and -

That was stupid of me. Of course it controlled me. [But the Light...] The Light doesn't control like the Dark. It's far more gentle and forgiving. When I think of the Light, I think of our family, of Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. I even think of Qui-Gon.

[He smiles and nods.] I need your help. I'll...show you more. Where I began and maybe where it went wrong.

[ Pride.

He weighs that up for a moment. It's a point of difference between them. He feels it now, when he is strong, yes. And Snoke had soothed his pain with promises of greatness.
But he had never believed himself stronger than the darkness. No, his fall had been to fear and despair.
He had fallen to the Dark because he had always known it was stronger than he was.

But he says nothing.
He doesn't comment either on Anakin's perception of the Light, and how it differs from his own- he isn't ready to put that pain into words. Not yet. ]

We can work through it. Together. Find answers for ourselves without relying on the Jedi or the Sith.

[Anakin reaches out and rests his left hand against Kylo's cheek, opening his mind for Kylo to easily see a memory from his childhood. It occurs before the Jedi come into his life - back when he is too little to do much of anything except aid his mother in her work as a slave. Yet, oddly, as Anakin goes about tidying a back room filled with ship parts, there is a...presence...about him. His stare is direct, unashamed as he spies on customers and eavesdrops on conversations. This is how he learns.

But each day is long and hard. It really is no wonder he hates the sand; it gets on everything he just cleaned and makes him so, so thirsty. Yet still their "Master" yells orders, forgetting sometimes that such a young child needs breaks and needs to eat. He feels angry even then, knowing, somehow, that he is meant for more than this and every time he thinks about raising a fist, Shmi appears.

The Light around her is so strong and warm. Her smile is the loveliest thing in all the galaxy to her little son. He runs to her, grabbing onto her hand and searching for new cuts or bruises. He knows that sometimes she is beaten. Just like him.

Yet her voice is strong. She is a mother first and foremost though Anakin knows she never sought to have a child.

"It's dinner time. He is done for the day."

Then her arms lift him, cradling him against her heart. He fears she will be reprimanded, but at the same time... He is so grateful for her. She is his world.

Anakin breaks the contact and smiles faintly, sadly.]

She was my first Light. Everything started going wrong after I lost her.

[ Kylo smiles softly as he slips back out of Anakin's memories- something of Anakin's mother lingers within him after the images fade. ]

She's the beginning of the pattern, isn't she. She... personified it for you. The Light. Like Padmé does.

She encouraged you. Inspired you.

I guess so. There are parts of Padmé that remind me of her and she is definitely as important to me.

[Gentle, strong female presences have a great effect on him. Even as Vader, he is drawn to Leia without knowing why - at first.]

She should have come with me when I was accepted as a Padawan. The rules should have been broken.

It makes no sense to me. Did the Order condone slavery? Why would they forbid you from taking her with you?

They condoned not interfering unless there was a reason. [He never agreed with the tactic either.] Jedi were supposed to be peace keepers; I always wanted to be more of a defender or rescuer.

The Jedi are hypocrites. Every one. They interfered when it suited their purposes. [ Yeah. He's not a fan. ] They failed you. Their rules are foolish and short-sighted.

Some of them are better than others. [But their ideals... They're not realistic.] I failed them too. I should have been honest with at least Obi-Wan.

What would any of them had done if you had? They had no realistic teachings on the Dark Side. They had no answers for you. Obi-Wan would have offered you nothing but empty platitudes. Directions to be careful of your feelings.

[ He might be projecting a little here. Possibly. But honestly? He believes every word he's saying. ]

By insisting you reject everything of the Dark Side when we both know it is impossible to wipe out, they left you no alternative but to seek the knowledge of a Sith Lord. They drove you to his feet with their arrogance and narrow-minded self-righteousness.

[He can't exactly say Kylo is wrong, but there is one part his grandson might be missing.]

Obi-Wan cares about me. If I had told him everything, he would have found a way to help me. I didn't even give him a chance to try because I assumed it would be exactly like you said. He was - is - my Master, but we've been family for a long time. I think if he saw how...much...everything was affecting me, he would have acted. Sidious would have been found out.

[Instead he had almost opened up to Padmé. What could she do?]

I agree that it's wrong to pretend it's this...forbidden thing. You need the Dark to see the Light. Why fear it when, in small doses, it can be used to provide balance?

Maybe he would. Maybe he would have tried. But he didn't know how to help you. Nothing he had been taught could have prepared him for it. The Jedi teachings failed him as they failed you.

[ And Luke. But... he's not going to touch that. ]

And me.

Fear of the Dark Side is still fear.

Yeah, they did. Ideals are inflexible; not everyone can achieve them. We don't live in a perfect galaxy, so... The Jedi were doomed to fail.

[It all sounds so good and mysterious on paper. In practice, it's a convoluted mess.]

You're right. The only way to get over a fear is to face it.