schema 2.001 | VIDEO

[stabbyfingers]

[ There is a noseless green alien standing in an Aquarium, looking somewhat perturbed. ]

While the streamlining of this process is a vast improvement on the previous universe, the job description I have been given appears to be inaccurate. The name of this place of work is "Otherworldly Aquarium." However.

[ He gestures up at the tank above him, his fingertips glowing, to the sea creatures swimming merrily along.]

The aquatic fauna all appears to be from Earth.

[ A dolphin swims past. ]

See? While it may be visually identical to a Space Dolphin, it is nothing more than a native mammal.

[ Remember. Be polite. Be calm. He lets his face go smooth. ]

Excuse me. I do not wish to be rude. I am merely confused. Should I inform my employer of the misnomer?

Comments

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[fauxmarth]

[...]

Begging your pardon, sir. Can you...explain "space dolphin" to me? I'm unfamiliar.

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[stabbyfingers]

[ Patience. He doesn't respond until after he rolls his eyes. ]

Space Dolphins are a telepathic species capable of surviving in the vastness of space.

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[h2no]

[it takes him a few moments to respond-- he's distracted by the background for a moment.]

Ah-- I think they're meant to simulate a different world, rather than actually bein' one, to hammer in how evolution worked underwater. Ain't nothin' down there that looks anythin' like the animals up here, y'know?

[stabbyfingers]

[ He's surprised. That actually sounds like a halfway decent explanation. ]

So the concept is that your own ocean biomes may as well be a different planet?

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[pummelgranite]

So you're too good for Earth dolphins, huh?

[stabbyfingers]

[ Wow.


Yes, of course he is. ]

I hope your misinterpretation of my words wasn't intentional.

[fervidclaret]

Wait, so there are dolphins in space that look the same as the Earth's Ocean Dolphins? Well. A bottlenose, anyway.

[This boy is a weird lookin' one, too. Itsuki is assuming he must be an alien too, if he's talking about Space Dolphins.]

Do they survive in the vacuum of space, or are they simply native to another planet?

[stabbyfingers]

Your first theory was closer. They live in the vacuum of space. I don't have very much data on them beyond that and the fact that they are supposed to communicate telepathically.

voice;

[aviate]

[That sure is another Reach bug.]

Maybe they came here years ago and never left?

voice;

[stabbyfingers]

You believe these to be interstellar immigrants to this planet?

Re: voice;

[knaval]

I saw a film about that once.

video - and then there's this asshole

[knaval]

I think it just makes them feel better about knowing they'll never develop enough to leave this boring planet. If I had a Shanix for every alien or otherworldly thing that's just vaguely different from what already exists here I'd have...

...


A lot of them.

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[stabbyfingers]

[ While Riptide isn't as welcoming a sight as a fellow Reach would be, months spent on Earth have made him appreciate non-humans on some level. ]

You believe they are... compensating for a lack of intergalactic capabilities?

[pummelgranite]

Wow. Things can be otherworldly without needing space. This is supernatural erasure.

audio;

[dragony]

Lachesis seems to be in a nostalgic mood. A number of imPorts are arriving from that universe's history lately. It's not quite 'welcome back,' but welcome.

[ What the fuck. It's been a long time since Ruka's seen this guy—four years by her calendar, with its spotty absences—but the circumstances had been extreme enough to leave a lasting memory.

She doubts recognition goes both ways. Ruka had only been, what, fourteen at the time? Her voice has matured since then, and it's not like she would have been on his radar, right? Well, it's a gamble, but what else is she supposed to do?

She keeps her voice markedly pleasant, moreso than her usual responses, but she refrains from overdoing it. ]

I don't believe I knew you, in that world, but if you need any assistance acclimating to this one, I'd be happy to help. [ :) !!! ]

... As for the name schemes, I suppose you may have to forgive your employers. They would know they're all Earth-based creatures, but they're likely titled that way to appeal to human children.

[stabbyfingers]

It always seemed absurd to me that a being as powerful as Lachesis would work on whims, but I have never observed a rationale that worked better.

[ He's cautious. If she didn't know him, then perhaps she doesn't remember a Whole Lot of Bullshit That Went Down. But he'll poke into who she is and who she knows, if he can. In the meantime, it's best to play his cards about what happened close to his chest. ]

I believe you are correct, I do not remember you. I am certain I will adjust quickly, thank you.

The explanation of the name you have already given is logical, to an extent. Wouldn't the children be disappointed to find out the untruth?

[symphonyinme]

We gotta space dolphin?! But, aw. It doesn't even have a little helmet on.

[stabbyfingers]

No, you misunderstand. These are Earth dolphins, seemingly incapable of adornment.

Video.

[namesaquestion]

What, are you dumb?

The only non-"earth" animals you'll find are with us imPorts.

[Yes, he totally finger quotes Earth's name. It's a dumb name if you ask him.]

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[stabbyfingers]

[ Rude. ]

Given the sheer amount of planets that are capable of interstellar travel or have received interstellar visitors-- including the previous two Earths I am familiar with -- you may find that the idea that a planet can only host species that originated there isn't as intuitive as you assume.

Voice

[viced]

Erm -- [ Does he remember??? ]

It's probably just supposed to be clever... Don't ask me how...

permavoice

[stabbyfingers]

[ holy shit it's the one fucking guy who actually likes him. ] Ah! Greetings, Mitchell Hundred.

I believe if it is intended to be clever than it failed in its objective.

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[ghoulking]

There is no alien life in this world, apart from us imPorts. So I'm certain the Aquarium simply wishes to advertise itself with the name.

permavid

[stabbyfingers]

That's odd. I had assumed your world had laws stating that advertising must state the truth?

[baphlement]

Have you seen the space sharks here? They're absolute units.

[stabbyfingers]

Excuse me, the "space sharks"?

[ "Space sharks" is just a ridiculous concept, unlike Space Dolphins, which are real. ]

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[photophobic]

What is the location of this "Otherworldly Aquarium".

text.

[stabbyfingers]

[ Don't Earthlings have locator devices in their phones? Why does he have to do everything? ]

Is there a reason for needing this information?