MASK OR MENACE

[When the video starts, it just seems like whoever recording it dropped their communicator. It's a still image of slate grey stone.]

Ugh, still feels like I'm gonna break this damn thing. Hey, this on?

[The same twists around to show that, no, that was the palm of someone's hand. Specifically, a tall, bulky rock man frowning down at the device, stone brows furrowed over faintly glowing white eyes.]

Alright, cool. So. Hey! Dropped off in another realty again. Super awesome. I love going to sleep and waking up in freaking Florida. On an army base. Surrounded by humans. With no gate in sight.

[He pauses, presumably for effect, before quickly adding.] That was sarcasm, by the way. This whole thing sucks. Like, it sucked the first time I was here, but now it's a brand new level of suck 'cause now I don't even know if this is a real alternate reality or another trip inside someone else's head. Sure, I remember this happening before, but memory doesn't count for jack when it can be changed, right?

[With the set-up delivered, his grimace suddenly switches into a big smirk.]

Luckily, I'm a genius and I've got a foolproof scientific method to figure out if this place is real or not with just two simple questions.

[He holds up a finger.] One - has anyone seen a Fake White Jesus-looking dude with one-glowing eye running around? If the answer is yes, then this is totally his fault, and I want to punch his stupid face in.

[A second finger goes up.] Two - and I wanna remind you guys, this is just a scientific question - are people allowed to bang in this reality? Don't laugh! It's super important. Just gimme a yes or no answer. Or send some photographic evidence I'm not gonna say no to that.

Okay, got all that? Good. Now while I wait to see if this is all bullshit or not, I'm gonna go run a test by going to the nearest sandwich place and seeing if they'll give me a free hoagie. Y'know. For science.