maskormenace | 001

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So. It's come to my attention that we are like-- [he squints off-camera for a moment] three days away from Valentine's, and I've only got two questions: Where's the party, and who's in the market for a date? For the record, I am a Capricorn with exceptional taste in music, poetry, cars and alcohol.

[-- a slight pause.]

And, I mean. Come on, look at me.

[The most ridiculous, devil-may-care grin imaginable. Hear ye, hear ye, ladies and gents, Jim Kirk has the floor. But after a moment it fades and he clears his throat, going back to 'business', so to speak.]

Name's Kirk! Friends call me Jim. I'm new, but don't worry about the welcome wagon. Got that sorted out on my own. My kingdom for a good hamburger.

[And with an airy little wave, he disconnects.]

[ooc; 4th walling info for the curious!]

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What, you've got a kingdom?

[Oh, no, fast misunderstandings. Not that he'd care if he was talking to a king. He does have a Berk, after all.]

Well not here, obviously.

[Gosh. That'd be absurd.

~~The Enterprise is totally his Kingdom shh.~~]

Not a very good trade if you don't have it then.

[Not that he was buying into it anyway.]

I'm getting the feeling you're here solely to crush my hopes and dreams of a better, brighter future. You know what they call that where I'm from? Cruel.

[He even has a dramatic hand clasped to his chest. Look at his theatrics, Hiccup, and be moved.]

[So very moved! What a drama queen.]

Oh no. Looks like you've uncovered my secret mission, Sir Kirk. And I was — I was so close to accomplishing the full destruction of your dreams. Cruel Haddock, they call me.

Well, Cruel Haddock, - isn't that a type of fish, by the way? Did I just call you 'Mean Fish'? - I do hope you realize this means war. Your forces against mine. Good against evil. Darkness against-- more... darkness?

[A skeptical pause.]

Can't we just shake on it over a beer?

Most terrifying fish west of Luk Tuk. It's a very intimidating name, so don't underestimate it. [More intimidating than his first name at least, which has him laughing.]

Beer is good. I can make peace with beer.

Far be it from me to underestimate a guy named after a fish. I mean. Do you know how many things in the ocean are completely poisonous for no good reason?

[A LOT.]

Then beer it is. Has to be good beer, though. None of that Budweiser crap.

There's a lot of worst things in the ocean than just some poisonous fish, trust me. Bigger, more intimidating things. [That he's had the great fortune of bumping into on several occasions.]

There's a pretty good pub I've stopped by in Maurtia Falls if you're in the area. Their drinks are the closest thing I've had to the mead from back home so I'd give it a good recommendation.

Oh, trust me. I can probably take a wild guess or two.

[He put his ship at the bottom of the ocean once. It was rad. -- Annnnd then Hiccup gets a raised eyebrow in response to that second bit.]

And where are you from, exactly?

[WHEN...? 'Mead'? Who calls it that anymore?]

[He isn't exactly surprised by the question anymore, considering he's realized he's a rare sight within the more modern folk, and apparently even the more futuristic kind.]

Viking from Berk. Blast from the past. Apparently I'm like some really old man here.

[Definitely the oldest point he's heard of so far. Kara doesn't seem to count, although she's got origins in the mythos of the same. Jim's silent for a moment as he works it over in his mind. Obviously, nobody here really give any care to the sanctity of timelines or technological advancements, so--]

Yeah, at twenty. Bet you're ancient.

[This is him not making a big deal about that timeline thing, holla.]

Bet you've learned a lot, though.

Completely primitive. Still struggling on the whole concept of making fire. What's that about?

[Chuckling with a shrug, because it really isn't a big deal anymore. He's been here long enough to know that timelines don't make any difference in this place since once you're here, you're integrated into it.]

Still room to learn more. Takes time to play catch up, but getting there. Sounds like you know a thing or two though. Modern guy?

Man, the wheel? Gonna blow your mind and then some. Oh, to be a fly on that wall.

[He grins. Good kid, he likes you already.]

Depends on how you define 'modern' I guess. The porters are weird, but nothing else is too outlandish.

Oh, don't you dare, sir. Throwing such advanced terms my way. That's a spit in the face where I come from.

[With a returning grin, it's a nice shift from the sort of conversations he has back home where most of his humor went unappreciated.]

Let's see — modern. Things that hit up with electricity. Carriages that float. Indoor plumbing. The list goes on and on, but I guess that's all standard for you.

Well, there's nothing for it, then. Sounds like we'll have to duel. To the death. At dawn. That's a lot of d-words. But it's the only way to regain your honour in the face of my impugnment.

[THE MOST CASUAL BRO-SHRUG yeah he gets you loud and clear, Hiccup. No worries.]

Yeah, that's definitely sort of standard issue. Alcohols more recent than mead. Those too.

Sure, you can go ahead and dagger in my dignity. Drag the bit I have left of it in the dirt. I can dance around d-words with you all day if this is the challenge.

[WORD BATTLE? Bring it on.]

The modern alcohol's fine and all. A little light though. Minus fifty points in that category.

[A MOCK-RECOIL]

I daresay your sense of derring-do is debased if you derive such desperate insult from my dastardly debate.

[He points a little finger-gun at Hiccup and cocks his finger. Your move, Viking-boy.]

And hey, wow. Some alcohol is light. You want the real stuff, you just gotta dig a bit.

[GOOD JOB, SIR. Hiccup brings up a hand to his mouth as he breaks into a short laugh.]

I can't deny your divine determination to drive me down in a ditch with your delectable dialect, but don't dismiss my dashing demeanor with a dauntless disquisition.

[Okay, hold back that laughter, please.]

Then I guess I should ask the expert where to hunt down the "real stuff", huh?

[He can't help himself, laughter is just what the - Captain? ordered.]

Okay, if we keep on like that I'm going to start using French. And I don't know that much French, it'd be awful. So point to you, Sir Meanfish.

[The laughter dies into a settled little smile.]

Hey, don't look at me. I have been here for like-- fourteen hours at this point.

[Aw yea score one to the usual loser.]

See? I told you. I'm part of a old, prestigious Viking fish tribe that aim to destroy. [Too dangerous for you to handle, Kirk.]

But alright. That pub I mentioned — we can start there. Like I said, their stuff is pretty decent considering the different setting.

I'm believing it more and more by the minute.

[TERRIBLE FEROCIOUS VIKINGS.]

And hey, sure. Just name the time and place.

Up to you. It's a small place just a little ways downtown in Maurtia Falls, about a block from my place so it's a quick walk for me. So you can just hit me up whenever you're off the job of charming on ladies.

[Wouldn't wanna interfere with your personal time, bro.]

[Hiccup you know the way to his heart is being ridiculously goofy, good alcohol and not interfering with his pursuits of leisure how are you real. Jim's grin is just. Bright as a sun.]

I'll probably be free on the fifteenth?

[Star-crossed bros through the obstacles of time. Such a fated meeting for you, Jim.]

Gotcha. I think I'm off hero duty from water rescue that day so it works out.

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