TEXT [ UN: Level 999 Grand Gamemaster Odin Dark ]

[shadowglitter]

Hail and well met, adventurer!

Tonight, the sky is a dark, blood-thick crimson, the harvest moon glowing an eerie orange amidst clouds that roll overhead. Fog swirls around your ankles, and despite your heavy armor, the cold air chills you to the bone. A wolf howls, a crow caws, and you hope the bats which so often perch on the church's steeple aren't still watching you. You know what they really are, now.

You find yourself in a small, Victorian village, where brickwork buildings and cobblestone pathways are all bizarrely empty. You know why this once bustling town is so devoid of life - you know of the things which lurk in the shadows, preying on those too weak to defend themselves. That's why you, Hero, have come to shed some justice in a world so devoid of hope. You are the light which will banish those which house themselves within darkness. You are a Champion, and you are here to bring change.

Let's begin.

>INSERT NAME (RANDOMIZE?)
>SELECT CLASS (RANDOMIZE?)
>SELECT WEAPON (RANDOMIZE?)
>CREATE BACKSTORY (RANDOMIZE?)

Comments

Video

[revolutionrocks]

Woah, is this a game? How do I play?

Video

[shadowglitter]

I can't tell you that! I'm just the narrator. I'm the disembodied voice which guides you through the realm of wonder and misadventure you've been thrust so suddenly into. All I can do is help you to achieve your goals within the plane of existence you've bound yourself to by engaging in this text and ideally find a way to awaken you to whatever noble hero dwells within. I'm basically not even a person.

[ he says, on video, while very visibly being a person. a human person that's talking on video, human person-style, very much normally person-ly bodied. ]

If I were a normal human person human instead of the framework which allows you to surrender yourself to a phantasmagorical quest of fantasy and heroics, I guess I'd tell you to make your character. Which means coming up with a name, first and foremost. Something cool.

text;

[notgood]

Sure. I need to kill a few hours.

Name: Chauncy
Class: something with magic?
Weapon: spear
Backstory: unimportant

text;

[shadowglitter]

Your name is Chauncy. Ever since you were a child, you've taken the laziest approach possible when it comes to making decisions. While all of your friends at Standard Magic School Schoolname were honing their specific interests and favored branches of the most divine arts, you just kind of puttered around with carefree hebetude. As an adult, you find yourself thrust into the open world as a Slacker Of All Trades, capable of casting a little bit of everything with all the passion and vigor you put into creating interesting character designs for a cool guy's fun adventure game. Your spear lacks any real nobility or history, but that's okay. You like it.

You currently stand outside of the Soulless Saloon, where people go to be boring. Or should I say - where people used to go to be boring. Your favourite run of the mill tavern has been taken over by dust and old blood stains, the patrons you were once on sort of okay terms with having been taken by the evil that plagues this village. Do you head inside, or start your journey elsewhere?

[flightforfreedom]

alright alright alright let's do this

> POE DAMERON
> BEST PILOT IN THE MULTIVERSE (that's probably a class)
> X-WING or a sword i guess
> DASHING HERO OF THE RESISTANCE

or scratch all that and make me a werewolf

[shadowglitter]

Your name is Poe Dameron. Protector of the skies and hero to the people, it's not often you find yourself on land. The only time you grace the earth with your presence is when you need to refuel - either literally, by recharging the X-Wing commonly referred to as The Bestest and Coolest Archangel-Like Starcraft* amongst the countless civilians who look up to the heavens and see it smiting the evil that threatens them amongst the stars - or figuratively, from when you're tired of banging all those sexy alien space babes and need to chow down on some dope food that tastes better than the swill we choked down on in BB3K.

But it's not just the land that finds itself endangered by evil; your enemies in shittier, more evil X-Wings have completely disappeared, and while at first, that seemed like a blessing, you realize, now, that if something can wipe out an entire enemy force without being seen... it doesn't bode well for the good guys, either. Standing in the middle of town, you're here to investigate. Where would you like to go first?

*(is that what an x-wing is? space ship? space ship or starcraft?)
(DUNGEONMASTER'S NOTE: STAY TUNED FOR WEREWOLVES)

text; i'm deciding how this guy texts on the fly pls excuse

[toshinorinori]

Name: TOSHI ⭐!
Class: I'm not sure what this means, RANDOMIZE PLEASE.
Weapon: FISTS!
Backstory: Trained by a great hero, she tragically gave her life to save others. Now he fights with the skills she passed on to be a ⭐SYMBOL OF PEACE⭐ and provide hope to the innocent and fight back the Villains! He puts his life on the line so others don't have to! He smiles so that they can see he's confident they'll be saved! 🌟 P L U S U L T R A 🌟

text it's peRFECT HE'S FLAWLESS

[shadowglitter]

Your name is TOSHI ⭐!, a strong and powerful hero so courageous and so noble that the laws of the land changed themselves entirely to permanently enforce the use of capital letters, an exclamation point and a star emoji within your name. You are fresh as hell. You have and always will be a ⭐SYMBOL OF PEACE⭐, and this unerring strength of character and positivity is what makes you such a perfect example of light and hope. You are an innate cornerstone of goodness in the world and even the darkest shadows fade before your will.

You were hired as a mercenary by the King himself, who, constantly impressed with your noble vigilance and outstanding heroics, knew that only you could get to the bottom of this horrible mystery. He gave you a dozen of his finest knights, but in the week you've been in town, they've all been gravely injured - one by one. You built a shelter for them with nothing but your bare hands that radiates strength and power to such a degree that no monster can cross its boundaries, but even though they're safe, the fact remains - there's only one knight left by your side, and she's scared she'll be hurt next. As you stand in front of an old, abandoned blacksmith's that you're sure houses just a dick ton of villainry, she looks to you for words of reassurance. Do you provide them?

[recommendations]

I would like to be a hero who brings change! A light in the world for all those who need one!

>INSERT NAME Creati: The Everything Hero
>SELECT CLASS Hero Course, Class 1-A
>SELECT WEAPON Bō staff
>CREATE BACKSTORY (RANDOMIZE!)

[shadowglitter]

The gamemaster is physically incapable of breaking character and acknowledging a world outside of the narrative he exists within, but if he weren't, he would tell you that in real life, just wanting to be a hero is enough to become one! You're already there!

But in this spooky and scary Halloween world of horror monsters, your name is Creati: The Everything Hero, who I guess is a highschool student, maybe? Is that what... you meant by... wait, okay, hold on.

Your name is Creati: The Everything Hero! You're not a student in Class 1-A: you're the ghost that haunts its halls. Once the hero-in-training that everyone admired, you were slayed by a vicious and bloodthirsty vampire! But even in death, you were too driven by goodness and vigilance and a need to eradicate all things evil to submit. You're on a quest to bring yourself back from the grave - as well as a quest for revenge. Wait, I mean-- revenge.

You've tracked the vampire that took your life all the way back to this spooky, scary village, your trusty staff echoing intimidatingly through the streets! With each step you take, your staff taps against the cobblestone beneath your feet, and the already silent town falls even quieter. It trembles, as if afraid of you; and all you can do is chuckle. You stand before a looming clocktower, the last known whereabouts of the vampire that drank your blood like a gross and nasty juicebox until you totally kicked it. I was kind of picturing you as a ghost, but maybe you're a vampire because it turned you successfully or something? You're either a ghost or a vampire. It doesn't matter. Oh, wait, it totally does! Okay, so, you're a vampire, and killing this dude will bring you back to life. Okay. Nailed it.

Do you head inside?!

text; un: Ash Starmer | Green Newman

[subroutined]

Must we pick a weapon? Can't we play the game without fighting?

[shadowglitter]

There is nothing quite so brave as a man who faces horror and death with nothing but steel in his spine. If you think you can reason with the evil that nests in this town, you're more than welcome to try.

[quickfingers]

> NAME: ODINA DARKE
> CLASS: ROGUE
> WEAPON: DAGGERS & CROSSBOW (I GET 2, FITE ME)
> BACKSTORY: I AM ODINA DARKE, SCION OF THE NIGHT. THE GLITTERSTALLIONESS, THE FIERCE QUEEN OF MESH AND THICC BEAUTY OF BLOND HAIR AND UNUSUALLY WELL PROPORTIONED FEATURES. I WEAR LITTLE TO NOTHING THO, THAT'S LIKE A +5 TO SPEED AND MIRACULOUSLY +5 AGILITY BY DEFAULT. MAYBE -1 TEMPERATURE RESISTANCE BUT ALL GREAT HEROINES MAKE SACRIFICES!!!!!!

[shadowglitter]

Hahahaha, yesssss!!! Okay, okay. Your name is Odi-- fuck! I already wasted rainbow on Chauncy! Auughh, Odin, you piece of garbage! You stupid idiot! You stupid idiot garbage man!

Ugh, okay. Your name is ODINA DARKE! Born from the night, you emerged from the darkness fully formed, wearing nothing but the shadows and literally all the glitter in the world. Scantily clad, your character art depicts you with a broken spine, given how eager you are to pose in a way that both highlights and accentuates your chest and your rear. Your flawless sex appeal, impeccable fashion sense and flattering curves are all as impressive and as intimidating as they would be on any pretty girl. The narrator would also like to point out that it's totally not weird for someone to be intimidated by pretty girls even when that someone is in a long-term committed relationship with another guy, who he thinks is also intimidated by pretty girls and would thus totally understand his point. So.

Beauty! Your beauty. Immense as it is, even your beauty is only a weak, pitiful shade compared to your heroic heart. You're strong and you're powerful. Equipped with your trusty daggers ROOT and BEER, as well as your crossbow, PETRA - named after your beloved wife, who is also an adventurer but I guess taking a nap right now? Nothing tragic, she's just not in this scene because I'm too lazy to write an NPC - you're... uh. What was I saying? You have weapons. Armed to the teeth. It's cool. You're cool. So.

Wow, okay, taking a lot of detours on this one. You're in a street? You're in a street, armed with your weapons who are also your family, and the sky is red and spooky and stuff. That's still a thing. Where do you go?

text; UN: 1313

[myownprice]

Name: Jaster
Class: Warrior
Weapon: VX-20 Proton Carbine
Backstory: His entire family was killed by monsters and only he escaped. Now he’s come here to avenge them.

text

[shadowglitter]

Your name is Jaster. You remember what your life was like, back before the monsters found your farm. You never wanted for much - you tended to the animals, you taught your little brother how to swing his first sword, and the walks to and from town with your mother to fetch freshly baked pastries for dessert were some of the best moments of your life. You had no easy technology at your disposal, no shortcuts to make life easier; your baths were long, with water warmed from the river over an open fire, and your nights were restless, on beds made of hay and straw. Life was hard, but also - so, so easy.

The monsters came. Your father was the first to go, sacrificing himself to protect the rest of you. You watched as teeth bit and claws shredded and your idyllic life was torn from your desperate, clinging grasp. With tears in your eyes, you were somehow spared, and here, in the wreckage of your home, you decided to access the POWERFUL MILITARY ARSENAL THAT YOU HAD ALL ALONG FOR SOME REASON, which carried, like, sick armor that lets you fly like you've got a jetpack on and dope guns that shoot lasers and fresh garbage like that. Dope and baller. Heavy metal music played as you trained and murdered a bunch of bad dudes, and now, as an unstoppable killing machine, you swing your hammer of justice towards the monsters that plague the town you grew up so close to, but also your hammer of justice is the carbine gun, which I think, again, maybe shoots lasers. I'm not sure what one of those is. But you have it. So.

You know this village like the back of your hand. You stand in the center of town, streets stretching out in every direction. In which direction do you go?

text

[onlydoubts]

Name: Bodhi
Class: I don't know what this means...
Weapon: Do I need one? Can I use a lightbow?
Backstory: Randomize

text

[shadowglitter]

Shocked by your ignorance regarding what it means to have a class in a setting such as this, the narrator officially extends an invitation for you to swing by his place and come play video games. A lot of video games. As many video games as it will take for you to completely and immortally immerse yourself in the relevant genre. We can make it a sleepover? We can invite two more people so we can have a full party. As in - party of heroes, not party party. That's for the cool kids. Caressed by the spirit of darkness as I might be, I'm still not a cool kid.

Anyway.

Sharpshooter and ambassador to the High Elven people, Bodhi was always destined for great things. Pure of heart and possessing a mind sharper than any blade, he was the only elf capable in his treetop metropolis-- treetopolis-- to be able to wield the Angel's Lightbow. Which is an actual bow. Made of light. Light that only solidifies in the hands of someone worthy, which is you! Rumors abound that Bodhi is the reincarnation of the First Elf, or maybe a fallen Seraphim here to guide life down a better path, but they're just that - rumors, born of admiration for someone kind and strong who brings pride to his people.

You didn't choose to investigate the town on your own. You were sent here, by your friends and family who worried about the rumoured evil spreading to the woods. Here to protect your home and the people you love, you stalk the streets of the village with feline grace. Human towns are always so confining, but you're willing to sacrifice more than just your comfort if it means helping people chill the fuck out.

You can go north, or you can go south, or you can navigate to anywhere in town you might specifically want to visit. What'mst thou'st doeth?

text;

[kanyounot]

Okay, I think I get most of this. A game, right? Or something like that.

Name: Caleb
Class: Still not sure what this is
Weapon: Lightsaber
Backstory: A person who wants to help people?

text

[isthatyou]

Name: Fern the Human
Class: let's see what you come up with
Weapon: Magic Sword
Backstory: A tortured soul trying to atone for his past. Not actually human anymore, despite the title.

[huetrooper]

name: stinkman
class: warrior
weapon: a sword that's on fire
backstory: randomize. you go ahead and tell me what you think a dude named stinkman is all about

voice;

[pocketfulof]

Uhm. What?

[voice]

[viciousmaukery]

[Thank you, text to speech function, saving Molly’s ass again.]

This sounds like fun! Why don’t you surprise me?

text

[h2no]

>BROCEIDON (no relation to poseidon)
>watermancer merman. who can also walk on land because he was blessed by a sea-violin witch called odin who had eels for hair and is a good trade partner in this awful world of capitalism.
>polearm. specifically not a trident. also sharpedo who can also float on land. got a good deal from that sea witch.
>veteren of the idiot human wars.

text | un: gmason

[choosetruth]

[Georgia wouldn't usually be here for this kind of silliness, but screw it. She's been bored. Not having Shaun around to drag her into dangerous situations is grating on her more than she'd expect. So she'll play.]

Name: Georgia
Class: Journalist
Weapon: The pen, which is mightier than the sword.
Backstory: Go wild.

[...she can still be an asshole about it, though.]

text;

[sanguinespell]

name: nico
class: witch
weapon: staff
backstory: randomize

[crafting an actual character sounds like way too much effort for her right now. SORRY ODIN.]

text;

[ikanteven]

[ Chidi's familiar with the concept of these sorts of games, but he never played one as a child—too much decision-making. He always ended up opting out before he'd gotten very far. Just deciding on character and class is difficult!

Chidi decides he'll try. ]

name: Fatima
class: randomize
weapon: sword
backstory: randomize

[ All right, so he panicked and randomized two of the options, but it should be fun regardless. ]

[a_good]

[Oh, it's like one of those choose your own adventure books. It looks fun. Norman glances at some other answers to get some ideas first.]

Name: Norman
Class: Wizard?
Weapon: Wand.
Backstory: After escaping a magical prison, he's trying to save his family and others from the same thing happening to them.