maskormenace | [Text]

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[Late night thoughtful texts are the best...]

If you're the cause of someone's death, can you ever be forgiven?

[Asking for a friend. Right. ~~Also "causing someone's death" obviously means murder.~~]

I'm not sure it's possible. Maybe that's the way it should be. There has be some justice in the universe.

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It wouldn't be right for me to reject it. That doesn't mean I forgive myself.

Yet. Things can change. You're human, Hux, not a machine.

Do you think you ever could?

There isn't anyone who could really grant me forgiveness here. If someone from the Hosnian System arrived here, or someone I've disposed of, I wouldn't ask forgiveness.

Edited 2018-11-06 09:10 (UTC)

I don't know. It seems easier when I'm with Padmé, Luke and Leia. I think the key is the sort of love my mother gave to me. I feel something like that - the same warmth - from all of them.

You wouldn't ask because you would consider it selfish.

Ah. I suppose that makes sense.

And it wouldn't change anything. The planets are still gone- what is done is done.

Think of the lives lost, Hux. For just a moment, every day. Our spirits will all rejoin the Force one day and you might meet your victims there.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel when I think of them. I've never felt anything about them before.

That's something to work on, I think. Imagine how they lived, how they spoke, what they cared about...

People are just people. Every single one of them needs love.

I can try but I can't promise anything.

I never felt much regret for lives I've taken before the Hosnian System either. I never thought I had to.

Had to is...wrong. It's not a necessity or a requirement; it's an emotion. For me, it's this hollow ache that I can't shake; it's nightmares when I sleep.

Do you have nightmares about what you've done?

Often.

I've never found a way to get rid of nightmares, unfortunately.

Mine are most likely different than your own, however.

So you do have them too.

If you want to talk about them, I will listen.

Yes.

I appreciate the offer- they aren't something I've ever discussed. You have your own, as well.

I don't mind telling you of mine.

It's good that you have them, Hux. It means you're not dead inside. When we do awful things, they should plague us.

You don't have to.

I know fellow officers say I have the emotional capacity of a droid behind my back, they aren't entirely wrong. It's something I taught myself over the years. I haven't been able to control my emotions when I sleep , however.

I don't think you have the emotional capacity of a droid.

Then again, the droid I built and the droids I knew were surprisingly emotional. Still, you feel; I know you do. I've seen you hurt and I've seen you trying to be strong. The more you let yourself experience, the more empathy you will have.

This may be a conversation for offlinek- I don't trust the secrety of this network.

But I'll keep that in mind.

[Emotions are so hard, Anakin.]

Visit me, then. Whenever you like.

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow is fine.

Wear yourself out before you sleep. I find that helps.

Do you remember where my office is? We can talk there.

That is a good idea, I think I will go for a run later tonight. I've been staring at a screen for too long.

I do and even if I need directions, I can contact you.

Screens won't help, believe me. Get moving, clear your mind and let your body tire itself out.

Wonderful.

I will- I used to walk miles in my star destroyer before on long shifts- being inactive at a desk doesn't suit me.

I feel better if I'm moving. I couldn't sit still for any job no matter how high the pay.

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