maskormenace | [Text]

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[Late night thoughtful texts are the best...]

If you're the cause of someone's death, can you ever be forgiven?

[Asking for a friend. Right. ~~Also "causing someone's death" obviously means murder.~~]

I'm not sure it's possible. Maybe that's the way it should be. There has be some justice in the universe.

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So you define yourself by your ties to others. Strange that you ever thought you were suited to be a Jedi.

You are my grandfather, the source of my power. You are always welcome to spar with me. I will provide you with a challenge and keep you sharp. Do the same for me.

There is no happiness in being alone. I am proud of my ties; family has always meant everything to me.

I was taken by the Jedi from my mother. I didn't really want to leave her and I didn't know what becoming a Jedi fully entailed. Not then.

That works for me. I hope I can become more than a sparring partner or a source of your power in time.

You are my grandfather. I spent more time than you can imagine wishing I could have met you. It is no small thing to no longer be alone.

I wish I could have met you too. Leia couldn't have kept you from me.

She likely would have tried. But we have met each other here. That is what matters.

You've suffered, though. I feel like I should be able to make all of it right. I'm sorry I can't.

My past is my past. It belongs to me exactly as it is, and I have earned my existence by walking the path laid out for me even when it was difficult. If it were even possible, changing my past would unmake me. I am my struggles. I am everything I did to overcome.

I have no use for apologies. Walk with me here, instead. That is all I require of you.

As long as you overcome them, that's all that matters. Just know, here, you don't have to do it alone.

I am walking with you and attempting to watch over you.

[ Had he overcome them? Yes, he had. He had. He crushed the doubt, grinding it under his heel, holding it underwater until it thrashed no longer- but he could still feel it. A weight he always carried.

He read his grandfather's words again, swallowing hard.

Yes, he had overcome. He had defeated his weaknesses by recognising them for what they could be: strength. And he was strong, now. Powerful beyond anything he had believed himself capable of when he was small and weak, terrified of the darkness he couldn't stamp out. ]

I don't need or want to be protected or led. Be what I have never had. Be my ally. And I will be yours.

[He is certain Kylo is able to feel his concern - his worry - his fear. Anakin is consumed by that latter emotion and it is the reason he was eventually driven, briefly, insane. For the sake of those he loves - and Kylo certainly qualifies - he is trying to drag himself back from that mad agony. But he needs help; far too often he has felt his hand grasping at empty air.]

I love you, Kylo. Of course I am your ally.

[ He feels it, of course. Much of what Anakin feels is so familiar that at times Kylo isn't certain whose emotions are trembling in the air around him.
He knows what it is to feel abandoned. Beyond the reach of help. And while he had originally found strength in the idea of Darth Vader, his impossibly powerful grandfather who saw him for exactly what he was, here their relationship is an entirely different shape.
Anakin is not an immovable pillar of strength and purpose. He's a man, younger than Kylo himself. And so, because he had needed it so desperately himself, once, Kylo will take his hand. ]

Then we will stand together.
You won't fall. Not here. I won't allow it.

[What he is given, he returns with all he is and all he will be. Anakin has a heart that can span the galaxy and that only became a problem when Sidious introduced doubt into it. His galaxy began to darken and he lost sight of the star lit path at his feet. Now, in these strange cities, he can see the fierce twinkle of the stars that represent his family. This is a path he can follow, but he does fear losing his way again.]

You know what to do if I should lose my way. Your saber would see it done quickly.

I don't want to be how I was on Mustafar.

[ Kylo is so fiercely, fiercely protective of Anakin– it blazes through the whirling tangle of chaos at his heart. There's nothing soft or gentle about it.

But it is strong, and true. This is no idle reassurance. ]

I know.
And I would never do what was done to you on Mustafar.

[There will follow a sensation of relief and, yes, heavy regret. He blames himself for the outcome on Mustafar, yet the memories of pain so fierce he couldn't think or breathe or be cloud everything. Obi-Wan hadn't just cut through his limbs and let him fall into the lava, he had also broken his heart. What was left of it at least.]

Death is better. He shouldn't have known that move.

You will be kind to me, I know. Don't let me hurt you.

Few would accuse me of kindness.
You will not fall. But if it becomes necessary, I will do as you ask. You will not face death alone.

They haven't taken the time to know you.

Thank you. I have no intention of falling; not here. I do plenty of that in our galaxy.

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