maskormenace | THE MAJORITY REPORT: NOVEMBER 10TH, 2018

THE MAJORITY REPORT: NOVEMBER 10TH, 2018 What a strange neon oasis, to gain so much attention as of late. Come for a visit, let it seep into your bones.

THE HAT U GIVE
As seen in local Maurtia Falls news, picked up by syndicated national news:
A troubling string of grisly "deaths" in Maurtia Falls—more and more bodies have been littering the streets only to come gasping abruptly back to life. However, upon subsequent police interview, over 90% of the victims have been identified as criminals with existing records. While these records consist largely of misdemeanors, several are persons of interest in other investigations. Furthermore, all claim to have been caught in the act of committing by a masked man in black. This matches both the description and assumed power set of notorious imPort villain dubbed Black Hat, who first brought himself to public attention with his indiscriminate killings over the summer; most notably during the #immortal BlueTube campaign and Maurtia Falls anti-imPort riots. Black Hat had been assumed exPorted after going to ground for some time, but the MFPD is asking anyone with information on the masked man to come forward.

In an even more troubling development, four men were found tied by their hands and hanging from an apartment complex's alley fire escape this morning. While previous victims found in groups had come back in no predictable order, what makes this incident more troubling is that all four men revived at precisely the same second, just after news crews had arrived. These men have likewise been found to have lengthy rap sheets, and have been connected to an attempted burglary of Maurtia Falls First Financial last night.

While the Maurtia Falls Police Department has declined further comment on this on-going investigation, public opinion in the Falls seems to be split. Many are appalled by the murders, but there does seem to be an overall agreement that this may be what it takes to stop petty street crime in their city. One citizen, Randy Snyder, even took our interview as an opportunity to offer his thanks: "If Black Hat hadn't shown up and [expletive] shot that mother[expletive] in his [expletive] head, he would've stolen my brand new mother[expletive] BMW!"

More to come as the story unfolds.

RADIOACTIVE, RADIOACTIVE
As seen around De Chima:
Signs have been cropping up all over De Chima. Some theorize the content is Jeopardy-related, while city officials rebuke the possibility. Ambassador Baal is not around for comment. No word as to why -- perhaps another disappearance. Probably very normal, nothing to worry about.

CARELESS WHISPER
As heard in Maurtia Falls, as discussed on Bwitter:
You must have heard some weird whispering as of late, if you're in the Maurtia Falls surrounding area or the city itself. Oddly soft sounds, almost identified with whispers. The content seems intelligible, however, and difficult to otherwise describe although the Bwitter community has been trying its damnedest. Probably very normal, nothing to worry about.

SOME LIKE IT HOT
As experienced in Heropa:
Does it seem... Brighter to you? Longer days, and not in the Daylight Savings kind of way. Longer, brighter, burning days. It's hard to quantify however, and no one seems to be talking about it. But every step across the asphalt seems a little warming, maybe you've picked up on it. Maybe it's only you thinking it. Probably very normal, nothing to worry about.

LOSING TOUCH
As felt around Nonah:
That doorknob you just touched? Sticky. That bus route sign you tapped? Sticky. That crosswalk signal sensor you palmed? Sticky. Is it just you, or is everything feeling a bit... Stickier? Than usual? Seems like such a silly thing to bring up, though, doesn't it? What, are you going to break the ice being all "yeah I've been touching a lot of sticky things as of late?" You'll be the one sounding weird, won't you? Probably very normal, nothing to worry about.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from VAST AND INFINITE VELVET to CRUNCHED LEAF YELLOW. Step on this color, we dare you.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

THE MAJORITY REPORT: NOVEMBER 10TH, 2018

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