[ anon text ]

[bloodprayer]

what's the worst thing you've ever done? did you ever find forgiveness for it? redemption?

and - what's the worst thing that's ever been done to you?
did you forgive whoever hurt you? if you haven't yet, what would it take for you to do it?

Comments

Text

[drivesadesk]

Wow. Leading with those extra personal questions, aren't you? Getting straight to the point.

[bloodprayer]

i'm just curious is all. i didn't mean anything bad by it

you don't have to answer if you don't want to

also anon text

[am_i_a_monster]

The worst thing I did is to terrible to say.
I can't be forgiven. The people who could forgive me are dead.
I'm supposed to be dead too but I was brought here.
I just find ways to live with it. Because I have to.

My dad did very bad things to me and someone else killed me. I don't know which was worse. They were both supposed to love and protect me.
I sort of forgave them. It's complicated. I love them, hate what they did, and hate them sometimes too.
I don't know what it would take for me to forgive them completely. Maybe my nightmares would have to end first.

Why are you asking?
What happened to you?

[bloodprayer]

i'm sorry. hearing all of that makes me sad.

i'm just curious.
there were people who were supposed to take care of me, but they either stopped or they never did. i was betrayed and abandoned by my family.
maybe we're similar.
how do you live with the things you've done if you know they're really bad?

anon reply text

[craftpunk]

That's a VERY loaded question, you know. Not something that many would give away so openly.

What's the reason for asking?

[bloodprayer]

i'm just curious. you don't have to answer.
but it's all anonymous. maybe it'd be a good way to get things off of your chest.
if you want to.
do you want to?

TEXT.

[bragnificent]

why does anyone ever answer these
if most of ur data is anonymous then at least half of its probably made up anyway

[bloodprayer]

talking about your feelings is supposed to help you feel better. and BE better

you can make something up if you dont have anything to say
like maybe you robbed a bank or stole 101 puppies to turn into a coat or something
i saw a movie about that

text;

[therewillbeorder]

I've never felt the need to beg anyone's forgives for what I've done.

Are you looking to compare notes with others here?

[bloodprayer]

i'm just looking to talk

you're supposed to say sorry when you do bad things. or at least feel bad about doing them
if you don't feel like you need to be forgiven does that mean you've never done anything bad?
or just that you don't care that you did

permatext

[killtime]

cant remember
done a lot of shitty things over a lot of years
and im fucking old
memorys not so good anymore

[bloodprayer]

how old is "fucking old"?
im sure you could remember what you've done if you tried. my grandma always said we're forged by the hardships we've been through and she was really old too. like seventy.
you've gotta have bad memories in there somewhere.

have you ever hurt anyone? or killed anyone

anon; text

[codeoracle]

The worst thing I've ever done...I did to myself. I haven't forgiven myself for it yet...

[bloodprayer]

i'm sorry. that sounds really sad.

what did you do?
do you not like yourself anymore after what happened?

[psychophilia]

y is everyone after forgiveness now
just live with it

[bloodprayer]

people don't want to be alone. if everyone sees you as bad or as someone who does bad things then you'll be isolated from the world

people don't want to be treated like that
right?
just living with it sounds hard

anon

[quickfingers]

i mix m&ms and skittles together to sow chaos on a regular basis

[bloodprayer]

that's sick. that's REAL evil

any more confessions? when i call the police about this theyll want to hear EVERYTHING

text; username is just a moon emoji ( 🌙︎ )

[dragony]

making a to-do list?

[bloodprayer]

that's a pretty evil guess to make.

you sound like you don't trust me.

Anon Text

[bodilesswarrior]

It's funny. I've come pretty damned close to killing people. I've been a part of it less directly, when I was on government task force.

But I feel worse about manipulating or deceiving my friends.

Hell, sometimes I feel worse about not taking a shot when I had the chance. [Well. One specific shot.]

[bloodprayer]

[ the almost-murder doesn't even register for him, but. he's interested in stories, and it sounds like there might be one or two here. he likes hearing stories. ]

it sounds like you have regrets.
specific regrets.
that seems to be a common theme.
how often do you think about... your missed shots?
and - why do you lie to your friends?

anon

[onlydoubts]

Bit of a loaded question. Have you got a lot of answers so far?

Some days I feel like I made it right, and that I can forgive myself for the things that I've done. Others have forgiven me, or never believed that I had anything to apologize for to begin with..

Some days, its harder not to blame myself.

[bloodprayer]

a few. a lot, actually.
people lead towards being about the things they've done. it's not the reaction i expected.
it's comforting. and interesting.

what did you do that needed to be forgiven?

[nightmarist]

so are you the one who wants to be forgiven or the one who's trying to forgive?

[bloodprayer]

i never said i was either.

i'm just curious. it seemed like a good question to ask.
meaty.

text

[knaval]

u first m8

[bloodprayer]

no

[ sry riptide ]

you first. i asked. don't be rude.

anon, text;

[photophobic]

What do you mean by the word forgiveness?

[bloodprayer]

i just mean

[ this is a surprisingly difficult question for him, given that his own grasp of what forgiveness might mean is kind of hazy at best. it takes him some time to figure out how to answer. ]

sometimes you do things that are bad. and you know that they're bad. but you do them anyway.
and the only way to feel better about it is having somebody tell you that it was okay for you to do that.
so...
i guess something like that? would you tell someone it's okay if they've done something bad to you, or would someone tell you it's okay for doing something bad to anyone else - that kind of thing.

[ text - anon ]

[legosi]

[ being anon is useless because not a lot of people would try to eat someone because of their feral instincts BUT LOOK, HE TRIES]

I nearly ate a girl because of my feral instincts. She knew about it and once we talked about it, she forgave me, even if I had no right to be be forgiven.

[bloodprayer]

[ oh, this one hits close to home. michael's not sure what to do, at first. instincts are - a complicated topic for him, and he almost feels like blocking this guy and bailing out of fear. ultimately, though, he doesn't. ]

how did you earn her forgiveness just by talking? what did you talk about???
what would you have done if she didn't want to talk to you?????

anon

[articulations]

Everything was taken from me. Everyone killed. Would I forgive them for doing it? Never.

[ And for good reason.]

[bloodprayer]

that's

[ a lot. for the second time since making this post, michael thinks of the deaths he's caused, and the void he's felt towards each one. the losses he never really considered. ]

a lot
who was "everyone"? your family? or your friends?
both?

anon;text

[bookkeeper]

My brother's dead because of me.
Who's going to forgive me for that?

[bloodprayer]

[ a bit of a delay, but - ]

well, not your brother, obviously. i bet he would never want to see you again, if it's really your fault he died.
what happened?

[voice]

[pharmaka]

Shouldn't one asking so bold a question be kind enough to answer it himself first?

[ Circe sounds completely unphased through her lilting accent. She's not about to answer these questions, at least not substantively. ]

[bloodprayer]

[ Michael sticks to text, just as an added layer to shield his identity - not that it matters, really. Anonymity doesn't mean much when nobody even knows who you are in the first place. ]

i don't want to answer. that doesn't make me unkind.
you don't have to answer, either. not if you don't want to.
but some people wanted to.

[Text]

[ghoulking]

I killed my best friend. When he was here, he said he forgave me, but he hadn't lived through it, so it's different.


And I have had too many bad things happening to me. In the end, it depends on who and why they did what they did. And what they did next to make-up for it, or if their presence would somehow benefit me.

[bloodprayer]

[ there's quite a bit here to unpack, but michael focuses on one thing in particular first - ]

you'll forgive someone if doing so will benefit you?
isn't that sort of
wrong?