[ voice ]

[hostage]

[This guy sounds like a total hood, his voice rough and gravelly with a cadence that suggests he's straight outta Compton. (Or, you know, Albuquerque. Whatever.) Even so, he doesn't sound angry. He's excited, actually.]

Yo, so… Oh my god. This shit about -

Hold up. Lemme start again, sorry.

My name's, um, Jesse. Jesse Pinkman. ABQ represent. 'sup.

Anyway, so this shit about superpowers. Like, I get it, but… For real? They brought us here to be superheroes? With like the whole mask and alias thing and everything? 'cause it feels like - no offense, okay - but it feels like some kinda Punk'd thing and any second now some camera crew's gonna jump out and Ashton Kutcher or some asshole's gonna…

[He loses that train of thought, laughing to himself.]

Unbelievable. That's what this shit is.

Comments

[video]

[glassinine]

Good day, Mr. Pinkman. Miles Edgeworth. First: I do not want to police your behavior with regards to the network, but I do want to mention that this broadcast does go out to a large number of people, many of them from other cultures with standards different from that of your own. I will not ever command you to tone down the swearing; however, I would perhaps prompt you to think about whether or not it's making others uncomfortable.

[hostage]

[Oh, are they facetiming now? Cool. ~The future~.]

Oh, shit - Sorry! Are there kids around here, or..?

AUDIO.

[selfimage]

I see you're establishing yourself as enemy of the fun boner.

[attractedtodarkness]

[oh god is he a wannabe rapper? This should be interesting]

Ashton Kutcher's a dumbass.

[hostage]

[The whitest ever.]

Yeah, pretty fuckin' lame.

permavid!

[centurybaby]

Better get fucking used to it.

[hostage]

[Wow, video is so cool. He switches over.]

Yo, I am so down with this if it ain't somebody messing with me.

video;

[earnedmystripes]

You get kidnapped into supposedly a whole other universe and the superheroes part is what you're surprised about? That was actually a legit Thing where I'm from.

[hostage]

Whatever, I get kidnapped a lot. The superheroes thing - that we don't have where I come from.

Text;

[satsujinki]

That's a reasonable assumption. Unfortunately, this isn't reality TV--it's just a weird, real-life sci-fi.

[hostage]

Cooler this way I guess

voice

[aggressiveapathy]

Is that a cult name?

[hostage]

What?

video

[yourpiecenow]

Oh thank god, someone having an actual human reaction to this fucked up shit.

This place is unbelievable. Unbelievable bullshit.

[hostage]

[Damn, this girl is fine.]

You seen anybody like actually use a superpower yet? 'cause that's what I'm waiting to see.

AUDIO.

[selfimage]

Ah, yes. Do be aware of anyone lurking behind a tree willing to jump out from behind and tell you of the inevitable!

You'd think that they'd come up with something a little more haha funny in terms of a good prank ...

[hostage]

I watch a lotta that garbage and - trust me - only like ten percent of it is even a little funny. So.

voice.

[selfequipped]

Unless Ashton Kutcher got locked in the bathroom, it's all for real so far.

What's ABQ stand for?

[hostage]

[He snorts. Ah, god. What a weird, exhausting day.]

Albuquerque. New Mexico.

voice;

[slightlyoffchilt]

We all seem to have come with supernatural abilities. I suppose you have yet to discover yours?

[hostage]

Well, I know what it is, but I ain't used it yet.

( voice )

[retropolis]

[ He's so tempted to get on about that language, but Edgeworth is there fun-policing it up ahead of him so Jesse is spared for now. Instead, an attempt at helpfulness! ]

Uh-- yes, that's right, it's completely real, the hero business especially, although it might not seem that way at first-- it does take some adjustment. We had caped vigilantes back where I come from as well but people just went out on their own skill and merit, you should be careful going out without experience. If... you do. Maybe that wouldn't be your sort of thing.

[hostage]

Oh, I wasn't - Uh... Wait, are we really allowed to just go out there and do it?

voice

[fishbreath]

It is... difficult to understand you.

[hostage]

Sorry. Am I talking too fast?

video;

[crab]

You don't even know the half of it, dude. You might as well say goodbye to any preconceived notions you have of what's believable. You'll be doing yourself and your sanity a favor.

[hostage]

Lucky for me, I'm pretty good at, uh, adjusting my expectations or whatever.

voice;

[sleuthy]

[ He reminds her of Weevil, with the hood thing, so she goes easy on him. ]

[ obvious mock surprise. the sarcasm is palpable. ]

You mean you haven't checked your closet for the complimentary capes? Ashton would be so disappointed.

[hostage]

Ohhhhh, shit! I knew I forgot something!

[hostage]

It's a hidden camera show where this famous asshole pranks other famous assholes.

voice ».

[nitidus]

If Ashton Kutcher were here, I can guarantee there would be a lot more excitement in Heropa.

[hostage]

Seriously? 'cause, I dunno, seems like there's already a lot to get excited about.

Video

[motherflocker]

Simply because they say you have to be one doesn't mean you can't rebel.

[hostage]

No kidding. But I ain't looking to be homeless anytime soon, so.