maskormenace | 001

[Good morning, Heropa. Greeting you today is a man with a bright smile and an even brighter shirt — aqua, with a tie that seems to match only in theory — and a look in his eye that twinkles with confidence and certainty. Yes, here is a man who is not at all questioning this place and its motives; here is a man who is totally okay with the situation in which he's found himself; here is a man who is a very good, very convincing faker.]

Greetings and salutations, fellow ImPorts! Allow me to introduce myself: Saul Goodman, attorney at law and soon-to-be judge. I want you all to be able to think of me as a resource — as someone whose purpose here is to assist where and when I can, at least as far as legal issues are concerned. For consultation purposes only, though; I won't... uh, really have the time to open my own practice here, unfortunately.

[And that does seem like something that upsets him, but he allows that emotion in for all of two seconds before dismissing it and focusing back on sounding genuine and honest. Which he is, to some degree. It's just... kind of rare, is all. But this is what happens when you don't want to upset your kidnappers: You do what you think you have to.]

Anyway, I'm gonna have to spend some time catching up on what's actually going on in this place, legally and politically speaking. There are other lawyers and legal professional-types around, right? We should chat. Oh, and for all you daytime TV-watchers —

[THERE THEY ARE. THE FINGERGUNS.]

Get used to seeing this face.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Then I give up.

[Yesssss pointless stupid victory is hers.]

It's just hereditary. My grandfather and my father are both supergeniuses, too.

[Also she's the reincarnation of the child her mother miscarried in...the late 70s or early 80s I don't fucking remember that her older brother subconsciously saved with his godlike powers by putting her soul in an alternate timeline where she grew to be a teenager thinking Dr. Doom was her father and then got reverted to being a fetus inside Sue again when that alternate universe collapsed and then she was born normally sort of but Doom had to help because of the cosmic radiation from her mother's powers.

/pause for breath

I think she actually knows this, but it's never discussed.]

[Saul's pretty sure that means there's alien DNA somewhere along the line.

also WHAT THE FUCK]

Lucky you. All I got from my parents was male-pattern baldness.

[Sometime around approximately 1990, Chris Claremont just straight-up stopped giving a fuck, and then a few years later he had a Fantastic Four run.]

Dad's prematurely gray, but I got Mom's looks.

How do you know you got your mom's looks when you're only three?

Oh, I met the alternate future version of myself a while back.

[AU FUTURE HER SUCKS.]

Of course you did.

[He feels like he should check to see if his brains are leaking out of his ears.

And what he just said, for the record, was not sarcasm; it was more exasperation. He's already so done.]

[Not used to being the one on the receiving end, I see.]

Stuff like that doesn't happen where you're from, huh?

Not in real life, no.

Oh. Well, you have superpowers now, you know.

[Time to start wearing your underpants on the outside and jumping off buildings.]

Yeah, I know.

[He doesn't sound all that thrilled about them, though.]

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