THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 10TH, 2019

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 10TH, 2019Fans who caught wind of this Teen-a idea went wild! Mouth-watering!

SWEAR TO ME
As seen on the official press release circulating throughout the Porter Cities and on Aegis Force Bwitter:
PRESS RELEASE FROM AEGIS FORCE: Come and play among the stars this April! All imPorts are hereby invited to this month’s Swear-In, to be held by Aegis Force on the International Moon Base with the gracious support of the United States government. ImPorts are encouraged to join together in teams and engage in a thrilling series of sports and competitions as part of the SPACE SLAM, the first-ever lunar games event! Furthermore, any interested imPorts are welcome to volunteer as performers or to provide refreshments.

A day of games, socializing, and diplomacy is planned in the spirit of teamwork and peacebuilding, to be attended by people from all over the world. All spectator tickets sold will contribute to a variety of registered charities. Come and join Aegis Force at the Space Slam, and be ready to play hard and have fun! Anyone with questions is welcome to contact Aegis Force.

SHOWER POWER
As seen in astrophysical news and meteorologist reports:
Strange news! This Thursday, April 11th, will apparently be the night that the Eta Aquariids meteor shower will take place. This is an unusual event because the shower is occurring notably sooner than it historically has before. Even stranger, this news has only become apparent as of today! Weird how no one saw this coming.

It'll look a little too bright, when it happens.

THE BATCH LORE
As seen advertised on Bwitter, HasteBook, BlueTube, and Rumblr:
Who is the most eligible imPort?

Think weddings! Thing husband/wife/married material! Given what you know about those imPorts we have in this great nation of ours, given their stories and behavior and lore, who would make it in the top tier of your vows? Fanfic your rationale! The hundred best 100-word stories will win $100!

Sponsored by the Big Floral Coalition.

I'M SHOOK
As seen on Jeopardy TV and radio:
Thursday, 4:06AM, a 5.1 earthquake hit within the city bounds of Jeopardy, Nevada. Luckily no casualties were reported, but plenty of cars were quivering parked on the streets and broken dishes falling out of cabinets. This isn't a fracking-made earthquake, seems like a natural occurrence. Jeopardy hasn't had any earthquakes racking over 3.0 on the Richter scale since 1899.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from SPRING HEELED GREEN to ECRU in celebration of your own e-crew*.

*Sponsored by Bwitter.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

THE BATCH LORE

[maskormods]

Any 100-word story submitted here is a guaranteed winner. Have fun with your 100 bucks!

[fridgeflower]

Eligibility is an aggravation, an exhausting thorn in the spirit.

The chorus is practically deafening, the white noise of people who can never know you. You’re so beautiful. Wow, you’re so talented. You’re so nice! You’re so normal! Your powers are the coolest. God, you’re so hot.

Or it’s window dressing. It’s added distance. It’s an excuse.

I can’t be what you deserve. You can’t want somebody like me. You’ve been through so much, and I’m not enough to miraculously ease that suffering. I like you, but… I love you, but…

If we are unattainable, then we are lonely still.

text

[monster_san]

Really? We're encouraging people to write those unseemly stories about each other now?

[plentystrong]

and it has to be schmoopy romance too

gee can't wait to find out who wants to snog me

[fource]

Please don't just accept that this is an undetected unseasonable meteor shower. The same thing happened with the missile launch on Heropa last year. It is very easy to disguise shipments from outer space as shooting stars. Please be careful tomorrow night!

[DRAGS HIS HANDS DOWN HIS FACE APRIL SEVENTH WAS JUST A FEW DAYS AGO]

[drivesadesk]

I really don't want to die from another missile strike. Do we have any plans to deal with this?

[dragony]

i am so tired

[monster_san]

I thought it seemed suspicious... astronomers always seem to be very good at predicting when these sort of events will occur.

[deformer]

wait so you're saying the meteors might actually be missiles?

[obediences]

Sorry, I'm new here. Missile launch?

[ Quatre's warning pings on all of Luther's radars. This is inCREDIBLY RELEVANT TO HIS INTERESTS ]

[knaval]

sad face emoji

[plentystrong]

well

guess i'm here for a good time not a long time

[choosetruth]

Great, the last moon base swear in went so well. Who wouldn't want a repeat performance?

[by_candlelight]

I'm still getting caught up on the local history. Mind me asking what happened at the last moon base sear in?

[obediences]

What happened then?

text;

[youarespecial]

This version of Earth has a moon base?

[cigarbribery]

Yeah, since last year. This isn't the first Swear-In that's been held on the moon base either.

text;

[deformer]

wait, there's a moon base?
when did that happen?!
and what's an aegis?

Re: text;

[by_candlelight]

I think the Aegis Force qualifies as a superhero team. Uh, give me a sec and I'll try to reply with the thing I read.

[by_candlelight]

So. There's a news publication in a world where there is an active military threat to keep an eye on that sees weird things happening in space that are usually on a typical schedule and goes 'Huh weird! But neat!' when that oddity is discovered at the last minute?

You know, considering that this same publication is asking imPorts to write romantic fanfiction of each other, I can't say I'm surprised.

[choosetruth]

This is the government sanctioned news source.

[iliveidie]

Claiming an earthquake is a natural occurrence for a city that didn't exist when imPorts first started arriving?

[hellogoodhigh]

according to some of the ghosts?
yes they have always been there, they were founded a long time ago, we're the only ones who think it's weird

maybe something happened in the time stream and we all remember it differently or something??

[lootsnshoots]

Y'know, the last time I heard an astronomical phenomenon was off-schedule it turned out to be full of Vex. So just sayin'. Keep your eyes peeled and fingers on triggers, just in case.

Also if you write about me don't forget how handsome and awesome I am. TIA.

[cannotrest]

Remember that nuke I told you about, the one that got time looped? That hit during a meteor shower.

[text]

[cigarbribery]

Everyone cross their fingers and hope to god this next moon-based Swear-In doesn't turn out like the last one did.

[divaricate]

Of course it will.

[siiiigh]...

text

[continuousgroaning]

so hey, hypothetically

who wants to have a burger party as an alternative to going to the swear-in because i'm not wild about it!!!!!!

since apparently people liked my idea I'll open it to everyone

hypotehtically, of course

Re: text

[by_candlelight]

I'm torn. I want to go to both.

I've never been on the moon before, and it might be interesting to go there. But at the same time I really want to go to the burger party. Maybe I can just pop up there for an hour or so...

Text

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Just so everyone is aware, Aegis Force has an orbital listening post named Panoply Station that's always monitoring for spaceborne threats. If something dangerous comes out of that meteor shower, Panoply should warn us.

Aegis has also been looking into the unusual incidents that keep popping up in Jeopardy. If anyone has any information about that earthquake, I hope you'll share it with us.

Finally, you should all come to Space Slam. You can even sign up to help out if you feel like pitching in. Aegis is working closely with the government and the Moon Base to make sure security screening is as tight as it can be. No supervillain takeovers this time. It's going to be a great Swear-In, and I hope to see you all there.

private

[fource]

Jacob, I need a power nullifier. I heard Aegis has them. Just until the meteor situation is resolved.

[plentystrong]

this report is just an aegis ad, isn't it

Text

[mostlyprofessional]

Seemed like it was just the first item but I do wonder why we don't see press releases from the other groups, eg. What's the Justice League up to?