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[constantdick]

[Video]

[Hey imPort network, here's a skinny Brit in a trenchcoat who looks a bit like Sting, if Sting were inclined to go without shaving, sleeping or changing his clothes for days at a time. He starts out by muttering a few words under his breath, apparently having a minor issue with the comm device.] Bloody phones.

[He lights a cigarette, letting it dangle from his lips and talking around it, his accent of Liverpool mostly, with a couple of other influences and very working class.]

Right then. My name's John Constantine and I'm new 'ereabouts. [He holds a business card up to the screen.] There, that pretty much covers everything; consider it both an FYI and an advert.

So, I find myself in need of doing a bit of shopping, yeah? Where's a good place to go when you get low on certain... uh, necessities?

[He pauses for a second, so as to give everyone an opportunity to use their imaginations as to what that might imply. Kinky sex toys? You wish.]

I've got a list 'ere of the most important items; namely, possum tails, frog testes, newt spleens, gnat 'eads, baboon earwax, bat urine, spider eggs, caterpillar pus, lizard brains, leeches, slug slime, unicorn bile and cannabis. Gotta replenish the old apothecary when you can, because you never know when you might need to whip up some artificial musk of a female minotaur, eh? Cheers.

Comments

[video]

[viciousmaukery]

[Yeah, that definitely sounds like a wizard’s spell components.]

I’ve seen some possums around the park in Maurtia Falls, and I know there are frogs in that same park. If you head to Jeopardy you can probably steal some spider eggs from the church there, they have a spider-goddess cult. As for most of the items on your shopping list? [A shrug.] There aren’t many apothecaries around, and very few of them cater to wizards.

But as for cannabis, I know a dealer or two.

[constantdick]

[Well... that sure is a guy with horns, which is generally a demonic look where John's from. So excuse him if he side-eyes the apparent helpfulness JUST A BIT.]

I'll you what, mate—any interest in earning a little cash? Because I'll pay you whatever the going hunting and gathering rate is in these parts.

[ video ] » ID: Wanda Maximoff

[divaricate]

I'm Wanda Maximoff — welcome? And, huh. You got younger. Cool trick.

[ Yeah she's gonna spill those beans to him right off the bat. She's been here long enough to know that people return as different versions of themselves, including younger versions, versions from different worlds, etc. There'd probably be a lot more "bloody hell"s and the like if he remembered being here before, too.

Thanks to her own time here and trips back home, she's now got the appearance of someone in her early thirties, and her voice is still with a Sokovian accent. Eastern Europe, to be regionally specific. ]

And you even kept your unfair levels of attractiveness.

[ PRIORITIES: She has them. Even though he also doesn't remember that time they made out here ... and then her AU-son teleported into his apartment to give him a lecture on making out with him mom. Which, that may be for the best.

Anyway... ]

I can help with the cannabis. Everything else on the list isn't stuff I need for my magic arsenal. Not that cannabis is something I need for my magic, either; that's just for getting high with.

[ her reply is just proof her levels of no shame

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

she left all her shame like two years ago here; she's seen too much shit in three and a half years here to give much of a fuck any more. ]

[constantdick]

[Hang on while he takes a second to parse this. If it means what he thinks it means, that's a bit unexpected, but weirder things have happened.]

...you're saying I've been 'ere before?

permavid

[killtime]

Not sure about the unicorn bile, but I know a vampire who always has good weed.

[constantdick]

Not the usual priority for a vampire, but alright. They 'ave a name?

( text | un: wardwell )

[sathan]

( gathering information is the best defence against the shit that could possibly kill you. what is caution? )

Are demons so common?

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[constantdick]

I suppose that depends on where you are, doesn't it?

[hisfavoriteson]

[Hey wait a minute.]

You're an exorcist?

[constantdick]

On occasion. You need one, mate?

Video

[drivesadesk]

Lizard brains? Well, that's...weird. What do you need those for?

[Yes, he knows this guy doesn't mean lizard person brains. It's still weird. Actually, the whole list is weird.]

[constantdick]

Magic.

Looking a bit green there, mate.

[speaking of weird]

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[nightmarist]

[ Neat. An exorcist. ]

I can get you some unicorn bile.

[constantdick]

Appreciate it, mate. And you are—?

[Besides someone who has access to the internal organs of magical creatures, that is.]

[pidgewidgeon]

I think this is the best 'I'm New' post I've seen so far, and I have to admit I'm curious. How do you dabble in the dark arts?

[constantdick]

'appy to be of service.

You spend 'alf your life studying it and the other 'alf trying to avoid getting yourself killed.

[Video] 1/2

[prophesiedone]

[Just...this face. Without flickering or changing for at least five minutes.]

[Video] 2/2

[prophesiedone]

...what...exactly...are you planning on doing? [With urine and pus and blood and...whatever else he needs.]

Text

[namesaquestion]

Me n archie got bat piss covered easi

video still

[constantdick]

I'm more'n 'appy to take some off your 'ands.

[Nope, he doesn't want to know why you easily have a lot of bat piss, kid.]

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[melodramagic]

[ A fresh, young face stares back at Constantine with considerable interest. Is she attracted to the accent? Or something else? Who ever knows with teenage girls? ]

Hi, Sabrina Spellman. You've studied Demonology?

[ Pause. ]

I know a good place to collect spider eggs.

[constantdick]

[Teenage girls are a mystery and worse than demons.]

Yeah, you could say that.

If you're going to suggest the spider goddess cult in Nevada, save your breath there.

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[by_candlelight]

[ That is a teenage girl surrounded by raccoons. Yes indeed. ]

I can't help with much of that, except telling you a few areas with a lot of gnats. Well, I might be able to help with finding the bugs in general, but that's less 'I can tell you right now' and more 'here are the GPS coordinates of a bunch of caterpillars I just found'.

That said, anyone give you the imPort-made FAQ yet?

[constantdick]

[He only stares for a few seconds, for what it's worth.]

I'll pay yeh if you collect some for me.

[basically]

Can't say as they 'ave, no.

[plentystrong]

Go hunting.

[constantdick]

I do. Every day o' my life.

[For demons though, not gnat heads.]

[gigue]

[w h a t. This - more than literally anything else so far - has made her actually consider moving in with her family.]

How are you going to...keep all that?

[constantdick]

In the fridge, probably. Depends on how quickly it's likely to rot. [Entirely unconcerned, here.]

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[crypdick]

[ The Outsider looks young and human enough -- but then there are his deep, black, inhuman eyes. ]

I'm surprised you don't call yourself a witch.

[constantdick]

[oh good, another demon]

Warlock, as a rule.

video

[am_i_a_monster]

You could find most of that stuff in nature, probably from dead animals. If you do hunt - try to find a use for all of the animal, otherwise you don't honour your prey. Frog legs are really good; don't let them go to waste.

[constantdick]

Right you are.

[yeah, bugger that]

[iminthebook]

[Harry laughs as he looks at the camera, shaking his head. Oh gods. He clears hsi throat, then turns his camera on. His face is professional as he nods to the screen. ]

I can supply most of it from my own stocks. I head out on harvesting missions once a month or so, as well, to get most of it, if you ever want to come along and see the places themselves.

[constantdick]

Magically inclined, are yeh?

[As it's not like these items have too many other uses.]

[Video]

[sleight_of_hand]

T-that's, uh... quite the shopping list...

[ Wow, this has been one helluva bunch of weirdos popping up recently. Who gave the Porter weed? ]

I guess others are helpin' you out with that, but uh... you do realize that if it's a demon, it's probably one of the good guys that came through the Porter too, right?

[constantdick]

[The Porter should pass that joint around, clearly.]

You speaking of someone specific, mate?

[vanto]

Artificial musk of a female minotaur? Why? Why would anyone want that?

[constantdick]

In case you need to lure in a male minotaur by convincing it you're a potential mate, of course.

[ID: Selina Kyle] VOICE ▸

[sexual]

That's certainly a fancy list. I'm afraid I couldn't help you with much more than where you might be able to find some cannabis, though seeing the response you've gotten, I'm starting to realize this place is ripe with magic types...

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[constantdick]

Or full of pot 'eads, more like.

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[heliophilic]

I appreciate a man with a good business card.

[It speeds through a lot of unnecessary questions.]

Not sure which witches would have the best stashes, so I can't help you with your shopping list, sorry.

[constantdick]

One of these days I'll get some new ones made; more professional not to cross things out, eh?

Looks like I've got that well in 'and mate, no worries.

video;

[storyseeker]

Yeah, you're gonna need to go to a specialty grocer for that stuff. Try heading up to New York and visiting Wegman's.

[She squints.]

You said John Constantine, right?

[constantdick]

This might be a bit more specialized than that.

That's right. Who's asking?